Daughter has wrecked the walls

[whatthehell1e]

8 year old daughter in a tantrum as I told her off for her behaviour yesterday (she painted the wardrobe in my room with her paints). I walked upstairs and she has sprayed her room, my room, hallway and her brother’s wall in baby oil. Whole brand new bottle. I have wiped it with towels but it’s not coming off. It looks like it has but after 5th attempt the wall dries but oil marks very visible. I’m really stressed. We cannot afford to decorate it all and it looks horrendous. I actually thought it was damp before I saw the empty oil bottle.

This is the degreaser I have been amazed at the results I got with it

https://www.zinsseruk.com/product/universal-degreaser-cleaner/

I agree with this, she should be cleaning the walls, not you OP.

I wouldn’t get an 8 year old to use sugar soap, it’s a horrible chemical. But there needs to be a related consequence, so some household cleaning task that would be ok for her to do.

Sugar Soap on the baby oil. Buy the powder not the spray. Follow the instructions and wear rubber/non-latex gloves.
Wash the walls from the bottom to the top, not top to bottom.
Rinse the walls.

I'd make her do it, but under supervision. She would also be paying for the baby oil.

It's a mild detergent that is classed as 'non-hazardous'.

You could sell the ipad to pay for some of the decorating costs

Sugar soap you can buy ready made in B&Q type places. Or you buy it as a powder and mix with water. ( Don’t try mixing soap and sugar, it’s completely different) It’s a traditional de-greaser.

And yes, I’d be concerned at an 8 year old doing this.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I’m trying really hard not to lose it with her. I’m really upset how she behaves.

Because a vast amount of school homework now is app based perhaps? Drives me mad but this is the world we live in now.

This could be the issue.

This behaviour is extreme. And rather than trying to understand why and what she’s trying to communicate your priority is punitive.

I wouldnt do consequences with your daughter. She clearly has anger management issues and needs help, not punishment.

Give her a pair of gloves and get her cleaning the walls with you.sugar soap is definitely worth a try .she can use washing up liquid. A good lesson on consequences and what hard work this has caused .Also a chance to have a chat about what happened. I used to trash my bedroom when I was 11 pulled wardrobe over so quite dramatic. My mum left me to it in the end I had to clear up it up myself
I'm not neurodiverent I was just angry about life.

Err - no, she needs to learn some behaviour rules. No shouting or screaming at her, but some very serious consequences.

My friend’s son only learned not to trash stuff when she smashed his tablet in front of him. Harsh, yes, but until he understood what his behaviour meant to other people, he seemed to have no intention of stopping.

Maybe people will think I'm too hard line but this was pure revenge and it wouldn't be tolerated. iPad would be removed and she would be grounded until she had cleaned all the walls she damaged, link the consequence to the act.

Half vinegar, half water. Spray on oil stains and pat off. Make sure you wash well after with water to get rid of smell of vinegar.

I’d sell the iPad and make her pay for the damage. I’d also show her how upset I am, why shouldn’t she understand?!

Dawn power wash if you have it in the UK. It's with the dish detergent. And I'd be coming down on her like a ton of bricks

Sugar soap is a cleaning solution used to clean grease off surfaces. You are supposed to wash down walls etc with sugar soap before painting them. I use it to clean the outside my kitchen cupboards. You can buy it from diy type shops.

I would call my insurance company.

I've never heard of it before but the B&Q website says it's suspected of causing cancer. On that basis I wouldn't encourage an 8 year old to use it (or scrub my walls with it) but I agree she should be helping to clean.

They would laugh at you.

Ooh I’d be furious. I suspect she has caused hundreds of pounds of damage. Oil is very hard to get out. It might need a proper clean then painting with a barrier paint and redecorating.

I wouldn’t worry about losing it with her. She needs to understand what an act of vandalism costs. I’d be incandescent.

Well they didn't when my child drew all over my walls. They sent someone to try to professionally clean the walls and when that didn't work they paid for a painter and decorator to rectify.

But thanks for your feedback 👌

The iPad should be going away for longer than a week. Agree that she should also be helping clean (ideally during time where she might usually be playing or watching tv or gaming).

My then 8 year old son with ASD trashed my bedroom looking for the iPad i’d confiscated so watch out…the next day he had to clean up and refold/replace every item he’d tipped on the floor. With short breaks it took 3 hours. I could have done it in 1 but he needed to learn actions => consequences.

he’s a teen now and occasionally damages things when he’s in a rage. He has to pay for repairs so it’s becoming less and less

Yeah that’s not going to come out. Call the Zinnser technical support team and ask for advice. They’ll have something to cover it so you can re paint.

https://www.zinsseruk.com/technical-support/#:~:text=To%20contact%20the%20Technical%20Support,products%20section%20of%20this%20site.