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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hosting loud teenager parties in gardens in residential streets

303 replies

RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 17:55

Is this reasonable?

Next door neighbour has given us (and the street) a few days notice of a party that will go on until 12am with loud music and lots of cars arriving /departing. Not enough time to get a room somewhere unfortunately.

I have two primary aged kids and early plans on Sunday morning. Honestly would never be so selfish and would always hire a hall, but I have a feeling I’m in the minority.

AIBU to feel peevish?

OP posts:
Newbutoldfather · 05/09/2023 18:39

i am in the minority with the OP. It is selfish.

It is easy to say it is one night but, if everyone did it one night a year, you would be kept up at least half the weekends in a built up area.

Strangely, if someone wanted to play noisy outdoor football at 7AM, many would object. Maybe, more on here are night owls than morning larks.

I do think it is selfish. You can’t enjoy the evening with screaming and base pumping, and if it ‘finishes’ at midnight, the laggards will be noisily leaving at 12:30AM.

Finally, you just don’t get this in many countries. They have strict evening noise laws enforced by the police.

TeenMum87 · 05/09/2023 18:42

Your kids will be doing exactly the same in the forthcoming years. Don’t be that parent.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/09/2023 18:45

probably the main reason teens don’t have parties in halls is that in the safety of their house/a friends house they can have a little drink (obviously age dependent), I know thats exactly what we did when we were that age.

Also, most teen parties aren’t the 100+ guests to justify paying for a hall. Why not have your friends at your house?

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 18:45

Beckafett · 05/09/2023 18:16

I think it's reasonable as a one off. I think it's a really normal thing to do every so often, did you ever go to parties in someone's house as a teenager?

Show quote history

When I was a tween yes. We used to go to pubs and clubs but of course no one goes out anymore. Everything is at home instead.

OP posts:
Timetoflower22 · 05/09/2023 18:46

Did you not go to house parties when you were younger OP? It was the thing and still is. It's called having fun and if they own their house... then no one can tell them they cant. I had a huge party for my 30th a couple of weeks ago and only told my next door neighbour and we live in a new build estate. Carried in until midnight and no one made a complaint at all. As long as it's respectful and music isn't banging until 2am I don't see an issue

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 18:49

Newbutoldfather · 05/09/2023 18:39

i am in the minority with the OP. It is selfish.

It is easy to say it is one night but, if everyone did it one night a year, you would be kept up at least half the weekends in a built up area.

Strangely, if someone wanted to play noisy outdoor football at 7AM, many would object. Maybe, more on here are night owls than morning larks.

I do think it is selfish. You can’t enjoy the evening with screaming and base pumping, and if it ‘finishes’ at midnight, the laggards will be noisily leaving at 12:30AM.

Finally, you just don’t get this in many countries. They have strict evening noise laws enforced by the police.

They’ve written that in the note. To expect noise to go on beyond the time mentioned.

i did expect to be in the minority but I don’t feel any differently having read the comments. I’m tired of people houses being the hub of all activity. Covid started it off, I’m guessing COL has exacerbated it. Just constant house renovations and garden noise. It gets tedious when you just want some peace.

OP posts:
Beckafett · 05/09/2023 18:52

Yup I get your point. My next door neighbour looked horrified when I came home from a holiday and announced one of her twins was having a party that night and they knew they couldn’t stand the noise so were going out.
I did spend most of the night desperately wishing they were getting thrown out of a pub for being underage/ throwing up in a bush in the local park but did begrudgingly accept it’s probably cheaper and safer.

Mindymomo · 05/09/2023 18:53

You are lucky it’s at the weekend, a house a few doors down, their 16 year old DD had a party last night. I felt very sorry for the parents and children nearby who were starting school today. We live on a corner and every teenager who was picked up waited on our corner, so not only could we hear them talking, coughing like mad, the cars picking them up shone their lights straight into our bedroom, where they collected their child and turned round before driving off.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/09/2023 18:56

I wonder how many quiet and peaceful Saturday/Sunday mornings your neighbours have been able to have on sunny days when your primary age children are playing in their garden?

If you take issue with their one off party then you might be surprised how quickly they start complaining about your children laughing in the garden, playing loudly in the garden, the school run noise…part of being neighbourly is putting up with sometimes inconvenient noise. When you start taking issue, I’d not be surprised if you suddenly realise you’re not the silent neighbours you believe yourself to be.

And people spend a lot of money on their homes, of course it’s normal and actually lovely to want to share your space with your close friends and family to catch up, rather than sitting in a pub that’s so loud you can’t even hear yourself speak!

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 18:57

You sound really miserable OP.

VeloVixen · 05/09/2023 18:59

I dislike this but I think you’re lucky it’s only till midnight and you got notice. Both my neighbours frequently have parties till the small hours, music blasting. One memorable one till 5am. Never any notice.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 05/09/2023 19:02

People don't complain because they know they'll get a ton of abuse if they do.

I like the example given above - party notified in advance and music turned down at 10, all over by midnight. That is reasonable, anything else isn't.

Of course, if they do go on until 4am you can send your kids to go outside and play recorder in their garden at 8am before you go out Grin

It is possible to celebrate a birthday without playing pounding music until the wee hours. Or screaming (though I agree that is more likely to be smaller kids than teens). I wish we had strict noise laws in the UK - noise pollution is such a scourge.

calyxx · 05/09/2023 19:02

Blimey. Most summer nights are like this on our street.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 05/09/2023 19:03

(also agree about renovation work going on all the time - I thought nobody had any money!)

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 19:05

I wonder how many quiet and peaceful Saturday/Sunday mornings your neighbours have been able to have on sunny days when your primary age children are playing in their garden?

Hate to disappoint you but my kids just don’t do stuff like that and definitely not early in the morning.

OP posts:
SpiderExtinction · 05/09/2023 19:06

I would find it selfish though. It's not something I would ever do as I would not want to disturb other people.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/09/2023 19:06

RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 19:05

I wonder how many quiet and peaceful Saturday/Sunday mornings your neighbours have been able to have on sunny days when your primary age children are playing in their garden?

Hate to disappoint you but my kids just don’t do stuff like that and definitely not early in the morning.

Your kids never play in your garden?

And your definition of early may well differ from your neighbours.

Irrespective of what time they play in the garden, I imagine a lot of people would argue they’d rather have 1 night a year of disruption for a party than primary age children playing loudly in the garden next door most days throughout the 6 weeks of the summer holidays at least!

It’s give and take with neighbours, there will almost definitely be times you have done something that irritated them and they wouldn’t mention it because you want to keep the peace in the street!

Duvetdweller · 05/09/2023 19:07

We had a party for my partner’s 40th. Informed all the neighbours. Yes it was late and loud. The neighbour who came round to complain had complained about 4 weeks earlier about some music on at about 7pm. His dog barks constantly. He reported us to Environmental Health. To say they didn’t take it very seriously is the understatement of the year.

TheGuv1982 · 05/09/2023 19:08

This seems fine. They sound like good neighbours.

OzDownUnder · 05/09/2023 19:09

They've told you in advance and it's not exactly late if it finishes at midnight.

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 19:09

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 18:57

You sound really miserable OP.

🤣 that did make me laugh

OP posts:
pilates · 05/09/2023 19:09

It wouldn’t bother me a one-off. Every weekend would be different. I expect it’s a special birthday.

needtofatoff · 05/09/2023 19:10

Seriously this is totallly fine. Try not to be so precious. Your children will be the teenagers wanting a party soon enough. Different if its all the time, but on a weekend as a one off - get a grip.

Newbutoldfather · 05/09/2023 19:10

@enchantedsquirrelwood ,

I agree with you, it is noise pollution.

I don’t understand why so many believe their right to make noise trumps others’ right to the peaceful enjoyment of their home. We wouldn’t throw our rubbish over our neighbour’s fence (hopefully), so why our noise.

And as for the inevitable ‘you must be fun’ comments, I go out to have fun, or make sure people I have round are inside and relatively quiet by 10PM.

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 19:10

🤣 that did make me laugh

It wasn't a joke.