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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hosting loud teenager parties in gardens in residential streets

303 replies

RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 17:55

Is this reasonable?

Next door neighbour has given us (and the street) a few days notice of a party that will go on until 12am with loud music and lots of cars arriving /departing. Not enough time to get a room somewhere unfortunately.

I have two primary aged kids and early plans on Sunday morning. Honestly would never be so selfish and would always hire a hall, but I have a feeling I’m in the minority.

AIBU to feel peevish?

OP posts:
Elmerchecks · 06/09/2023 10:12

SpiderExtinction · 06/09/2023 08:57

@HerMammy Is there really any need to have loud parties in a residential neighbourhood though? Potentially upsetting a lot of people such as the elderly, disabled, young children etc?

Do you not think that the groups you mention might also enjoy parties?

Wideskye · 06/09/2023 10:14

Not long after we moved into our house. We had a wee note put through the door from next door about a party and please feel free to pop in. At the time their 2 adult children and 17 year old lived at home. It mentioned cars picking up.
We had no child care so decided it would be nice if one of us popped in. Live music, excellent guitarist playing. Hubby popped over for 10 mins came back over an hour later! It was the parents party.
My turn to go over and I had such fun.
The young adults came at kicking out time to 'pour' their parents into the car.
Many more staggered home.
When the 17 year old had a party it was much more muted.

Z1hun · 06/09/2023 10:16

Be thankful they gave you notice. It doesn't seem like they do this often so yeah I think it's unreasonable to get upset.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 06/09/2023 10:28

Elmerchecks · 06/09/2023 10:12

Do you not think that the groups you mention might also enjoy parties?

Show quote history

I know my nan used to love seeing people enjoy themselves

Frankly she put up with more nuisance from the kids next door than we would have done because she was of the mind "they're having fun and it's fine"

gannett · 06/09/2023 11:07

Newbutoldfather · 06/09/2023 09:14

@HerMammy et al,

’You cannot expect others to lead their lives to suit you’.

Umm, yes you can, and we all do. We just all draw our lines in different places.

Would you be happy with a neighbour nude sunbathing in their own garden for all to see (including children)? Would you be happy with your neighbour having a smoky bonfire while you were drying your washing outside? Would you be happy with a midweek all night party (maybe you would in this one)? These are all examples of you expecting others to live their lives to suit you.

Living close to others is all about consideration. In this case it is a question of whether being considerate to a bunch of teenagers wanting to party outweighs being considerate to younger and older people wanting to enjoy their homes in peace and go to sleep before 1AM. Personally I think the latter outweighs the former; clearly I am outvoted 4:1 in this forum.

Consideration isn't just keeping yourself to yourself and being as unobtrusive as possible. Consideration is also recognition of the fact that those things are no way for people to live in their own homes and to accept the fact that proximity to neighbours means dealing with reasonable noise.

Teenagers having a one-off house party until midnight is utterly normal and reasonable. Do you actually think it's reasonable to insist your neighbours never have parties at all?

Bonfires aren't common where I live but BBQs are. If a neighbour has a BBQ when our washing is out on the line we just bring it in. It would be outrageous of us to object.

LetMeGoogleThat · 06/09/2023 11:11

Party every weekend = Not OK, they're being knobs.

Party one weekend, informing neighbours in advance = You are being a knob.

It's all about balance and context......

Newbutoldfather · 06/09/2023 11:12

@gannett ,

People have interesting and differing views on what is and is not reasonable.

As a PP said upthread, there are legal noise restrictions after 11PM in all built up areas. Some councils enforce them more strictly than others. Why is it reasonable to break these but not speed (for instance)?

Personally, going at 85 mph on a motorway in a modern car harms no one and is pretty much the legal limit in Europe. But MN group think hates it.

OTOH, breaking noise statutes, despite the fact it clearly bothers lots of people, seems to be considered entirely reasonable .

Don’t get it personally…

SD1978 · 06/09/2023 11:48

As a one off- with warning, I couldn't get too upset about this. If it was every weekend, different ball game. They sound as if they have tried to be reasonable with keeping the neighbours informed

OneTC · 06/09/2023 11:56

Communal living is about a bit of give and take. Some people are just not cut out for it and there's coastal islands in Scotland that will pay you to move there Grin

Mouselemur · 06/09/2023 12:12

OP would you still feel the same if it was going to be a “grown ups” party?

I do think you need to be more tolerant of your neighbours. If you struggle with your neighbours playing basketball outside(assuming it’s not 24 hrs a day) then maybe you need to look into moving to a quieter location.

Its part of having neighbours and if they are otherwise good people just leave it be.

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 06/09/2023 12:16

I think this is fine! Well I would as I’ve let my son have one party a year each summer. But giving warning and stopping noise by 12am, as long as that actually happens!, seems fine. Not everyone can afford hiring halls. People are allowed to have parties.

Thurlarder · 06/09/2023 12:19

RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 18:49

They’ve written that in the note. To expect noise to go on beyond the time mentioned.

i did expect to be in the minority but I don’t feel any differently having read the comments. I’m tired of people houses being the hub of all activity. Covid started it off, I’m guessing COL has exacerbated it. Just constant house renovations and garden noise. It gets tedious when you just want some peace.

Edited
Show quote history

This wins the prize for the weirdest post I've ever read on mumsnet. Complaining about people daring to be in their own homes - you couldn't make it up!

Thurlarder · 06/09/2023 12:21

RudsyFarmer · 05/09/2023 19:05

I wonder how many quiet and peaceful Saturday/Sunday mornings your neighbours have been able to have on sunny days when your primary age children are playing in their garden?

Hate to disappoint you but my kids just don’t do stuff like that and definitely not early in the morning.

Your children don't play in the garden?

zeibesaffron · 06/09/2023 15:21

@LetMeEnfoldYou its not all night though us it? its till 12!

TheaBrandt · 06/09/2023 16:07

I work with people that are dying and I like hearing children playing in the garden and teenagers having fun - within reason not shrieking and ending at midnight. It’s life!

Goldenbear · 06/09/2023 16:30

My 16 year old went to a friend's 16 th party at their house last Saturday, the parents were there and it was over at 12. It was a one off and as others have said, there isn't much for teenagers to access at that age. My DS and his friends can't go to a pub (like I did in the 6th form), they can't go in the playground as are too old, park cam be risky so they tend to avoid it. We live near a beach and they will go there sometimes in the summer but I don't want him to sit on the beach until midnight! I can guarantee your children will be noisy and the teenagers have to tolerate the disturbance when they are playing. Outside our house we have 6-10 year olds, 3 families that have moved in recently, it is an urban environment not the suburbs but we love next to a dead end so they are outside our house playing tennis has been their summer pursuit, they have hot about 20 balls in to my front garden, have whacked my sons bedroom window with ball a fair bit and hot my car bonnet on the drive with a ball. One of the Mum's who was watching them in front of me loudly declared what great tennis players they are going to be at the end of the summer, lets bloody hope so so i can stop having to retrieve the balls for them. As much as it is mildly irritating to retrieve the ball from my front garden, especially for the 4th time that night after I have just got in from work, this is how kids play that age and my DC were like that once so you tolerate things. It is give and take.

Cardboardcup · 06/09/2023 16:33

My two teens had a party a few weeks ago in the back garden, they were a little loud but it’s a complete one off. I never even informed the neighbours.

Goldenbear · 06/09/2023 16:44

I think some of the issue these days as that everyone is down on teenagers and everything, literally everything to do with under 18s is focused on primary or very young children. I was a teenager in the 90s and you could do things that were affordable get heavily discounted lesoure centre membership, go to gigs of famous bands at a reasonable cost, go to amateur dramatics teenage clubs, youth clubs. That is all out of the window now and there is literally nowhere to congregate and do teenage things except each other's homes which if you live in an expensive part of the country (that didn't used to be expensive) your parents don't even have a big enough house for this. The noise is a more of an issue as well. When you are primary or infant age literally everything is an opportunity to congregate. How exactly is a teenager supposed to ever act in an age appropriate way and see their friends!

kipperba · 06/09/2023 16:45

It's not hard to see why you haven't been invited to a party since you were a tween OP.

ThePoshUns · 06/09/2023 17:01

🤣

Whiskeywithwater · 06/09/2023 17:06

I love these posts when the OP asks the question … ‘Am I being unreasonable?’, responses indicate that overwhelmingly the Mumsnet population say ‘Yes, You ARE being unreasonable’ .. and the OP response is effectively, ‘No, you’re all wrong, I’m NOT being unreasonable’. Don’t bloody ask the question then!

TheaBrandt · 06/09/2023 17:16

Also if your child is invited to parties at other friends houses it’s bad form to never host back.

And agree there is very little for under 18s. Pubs and clubs are now super strict which means 17 year olds are thrown out if they try and go for a drink. Also most church halls are pretty miserable places ok for a 7 year olds party but I wouldn’t want to host my friends in a hall.

UsingChangeofName · 06/09/2023 17:42

SpiderExtinction · 06/09/2023 09:02

@LetMeEnfoldYou Not miseries, people just don't want to be kept up all night, it's like torture to some people. We don't know if it's a one off or a regular occurrence as OP hasn't said.

You said yourself that it's not a 'need' but rather a 'want'. Perhaps people should start thinking of others, no?

Don't you think the OP would have been very clear, if it were a regular event ?
It is clearly a one off.

Plus, it isn't all night. It is very reasonably going to end at 12. Well, reasonably for the neighbours, I'm sure the youngsters won't be ready for it to end then, but that's the compromise.

None of us go through life with just the most basic of our needs being met. Everyone needs to treat themselves sometimes, and everyone should relax and even be merry sometimes.

SpiderExtinction · 06/09/2023 17:54

@UsingChangeofName I was speaking in general when I said "all night" and not specifically referring to the OPs situation.

If it is a one off, while I do still think it's inconsiderate and selfish, I wouldn't say or do anything about it.

LetMeEnfoldYou · 06/09/2023 17:56

SpiderExtinction · 06/09/2023 09:02

@LetMeEnfoldYou Not miseries, people just don't want to be kept up all night, it's like torture to some people. We don't know if it's a one off or a regular occurrence as OP hasn't said.

You said yourself that it's not a 'need' but rather a 'want'. Perhaps people should start thinking of others, no?

It ends at midnight, nobody is being kept up all night.