Mrs and Mr Smith

[Oysterbabe]

When I write client letters I always put the woman's name first in the address and write
Dear Mrs & Mr Smith. The letters have to be checked before posting and my boss always swaps the names back because 'it doesn't flow properly'
AIBU for always writing the woman's name first?

I'm amazed that people think certain things only appear to flow better because we're used to it. It's not about being used to it, it's just how the words sound! Just like when choosing kids names, certain ones flower better together than others. Not saying the origin of Mr and Mrs isn't patriarchal but they still flow better that way. Just like Ladies and gentleman flows better.

Why is it not OK to put his name first but it is OK to put your name first?
Why does it matter? One of them has to go first

I find it very odd that people address cards to people they know well as Mrs S and Mr G Brown'. If you're sending a card, wouldn't you just write 'Sarah and Gordon'?

Care to enlighten us?

When I worked as a secretary in the late nineties, the salutation on the letters had to be ‘Dear Sirs’. My bosses were both female. I pointed it out and they said that ‘Dear Sirs’ was appropriate for male or female recipients. Oh how I laugh when I think about how they were so derogatory towards the secretaries! 🙄

Excellent choice, I had that last night.

Tonight I’m having mash and bangers.

I do small acts of feminism like this. They make me smile.

Good work on phoning dad! We need more of this. (Is boyfriend history now?)

Ok, apply that to everything - why does it matter than men get paid more than women? Someone has to get paid more! Why does it matter that women are expected to do majority of the housework? Someone has to the housework! Why does it matter that men are taken more seriously in competitive work environments? Someone has to be!

It matters because it implies that he is the person in charge of whatever we're doing - paying bills, renting a property, whatever. It is bullshit. I don't want my name to go first, always. I want to live in a world where the assumption isn't that my name will always go last though, just on account of my sex. A sensible way to do it in my opinion would be to put first whoever that company has mainly dealt with. If I answer the agent's emails and pay the deposit, it should be my name first. If he handles the bills, put his name first on the bill.

I always write Mrs and Mr in my reports at work, and letters. Just because I want to. I would love for someone at work to object so I could ask why.

That's one thing that really pisses me off about people and forms asking women for titles: whichever one I give implies a political stance and not filling it in at all when it's an optional field has its own political implications. Men just get to be Mr without any political implications at all.

So I don't ask women for titles to avoid them having to imply a political stance, I just use Ms unless asked to use something else. Which in itself implies a political stance on my part.

Women can't even give their names on a form without it being political, and that in itself is an aspect of patriarchy.

It's a bit like how in One Foot in the Grave they refer to Mrs Warboys as "Mrs Warboys".

She's supposed to be their friend!

Within a work context it seems a bit of a silly way to make a point, and I'm afraid I'm another who'll eye-roll

I do get the principle, but would have thought there are better ways to address it ... for a start making sure actual work processes, access and so on are as inclusive as possible rather than going for tokenism?

Name order does matter: when we moved in, the previous owners let the council know we’d be doing the council tax, they put DP’s name first. I do the council tax admin, we have separate finances, I filled in the form, the direct debit and set up the online account… the council only look at the first name and assigned me the login of DPNAME, for everything council related. It annoys me every time I need to log in and report a missing bin or whatever: I’m not DPNAME! I’m not even Mrs DPNAME! I’m me! He’s first on all the jointly addressed post and because of the length of my double barrelled surname, everything gets cut off so we get:

Dr DP Surname and Ms Me Surn. I don’t even get my whole name! Piss off!

This is an excellent explanation. We also do some ranking alphabetically and on length of the words.

It would be like saying "pepper and salt" it just doesn't flow right.

When we were moving house solicitors and estate agents used to email Mr xxx and Mrs (I'm a Ms anyway) - used to get my goat as I was dealing with it all!

I welcome this change by the Op. It's 2023 and we shouldn't just accept the man's name goes first

Also when I'm in a restaurant and choose the wine or ask for the bill don't automatically take it to the man - another bug bear of mine!

Where did you get this from? I'm guessing it's American, as we don't use full stops after Mr and Mrs in the UK.

Years ago we did put full stops after. They came after every abbreviation, so you'd see e.g., i.e., ltd., etc. I'm not sure when it got phased out but it most certainly was a British thing.

It's fair to object to something because it doesn't meet convention.

I want consistency and professionalism, not personal touches. I don't want to identify that a particular person has produced one item and hasn't produced another.

You put a full stop after something if the final letter of the shortened word is not the final letter of the full word.

Mister doesn't need a full stop as Mr ends in 'r'.

'Et cetera' does need a full stop, as 'etc.' doesn't end in 'a'.

@DoItAgainPlz

Why on earth are you so irked about which way round Mrs and Mr go?

Anyway, I am consistent. I always write it in that order. And I'm certainly not unprofessional, how strange.

1000 years ago when the Vikings were raiding from the North, foolish women decided that they wanted either to be under the protection of their father or their husband.

The bold, independent women went back to Denmark with the Danes and found they weren't wives but slaves.

Never underestimate how brutal the past was.

I wouldn’t make it the hill you die on.

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

pocketfullofdogtreats you are an editor and never put full stops after Mr. and Mrs.? When did this 'rule' change in the UK? Serious question as I was taught to always use them when I took a secretarial course after leaving school.