Mrs and Mr Smith

[Oysterbabe]

When I write client letters I always put the woman's name first in the address and write
Dear Mrs & Mr Smith. The letters have to be checked before posting and my boss always swaps the names back because 'it doesn't flow properly'
AIBU for always writing the woman's name first?

Yes, but can we talk about how awesome that film is? A romcom with guns. Yes, please!

I’m going to have to watch it again tonight.

Don’t see the need to us mr and mrs at all, just use names or initials. But if you do use it then write mr and mrs, the other way round just sounds wrong and would find it odd for a company to address an envelope as such.

It's always been Mr and Mrs.

If you look at a family tree the man/husband will be to the left and the woman/wife to the right.

It only sound wrong because you are so used to the conventional way around

😖

This set me thinking about our “couple” friends and how we say their names as a couple. I realised that we always say the person we knew initially/ know best first and their partner second, regardless of sex. Reversing sounds weird but I think it’s just that we’re used to hearing it the other way around.

If this is supposed to be an insult, I think you may have played yourself here.

Ladies and gentlemen.

It's Mr and Mrs Smith

OR if you know the names then it's the other way around, so -

Mary and John Smith

(Not John and Mary Smith).

(If following traditional correspondence etiquette)

You are being unreasonable as you are deliberately doing something you know your boss will change, creating more work when there was no reason to.

How does the client want their letters addressed?

This, sadly.

I put the female names first on joint invitations for my 21st my boy friend didn't like it.
Slightly off topic I once had to ring a parent to pick up a child, I phoned dads work and requested him to pick up the receptionist asked if I'd phoned mum no was my reply, dad came and picked his child up.

They never manage to answer that one convincingly.

sexist conventions are still sexist, even if people are used to them.

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I understand what you mean, and if your client (addressee) wanted it as such or if the "Mrs" was the account holder I would understand but to continuously address it as such feels almost passive aggressive in a way. If you're aware of the style in which the business wishes to address their clients and you're continuously doing the inverse than it just feels a bit childish.

Rather than challenging it in a "I really don't think we should be so patriarchal in how we address clients anymore" way, it just seems deliberately time wasting to continue to go against flow and house style.

'Mrs and Mr' there are three hissing sounds in this aren't there... Mr and Mrs breaks them up more and puts one at the end where it isn't as jarring.

Having said that it's courteous and nice of you to address the woman first

Wow, what were you supposed to do if you didn't know? Did you have to make them all Mrs?

Maybe forestall your boss by making it normal practice to ask the clients when you first deal with them how they want to be addressed? For those who say either that they prefer Mrs and Mr or that they don't mind, you have the perfect response.

You sound as if your knowledge of correct office procedure is at least 20 years out of date.

I'd think you were being difficult on purpose.

When we bought our house last year I didn't care at all that the letters from the solicitor were addressed as Mr and Mrs X on the envelope. What did annoy me was the 'Dear Steve and Martha' ie man's name first, inside when I handled almost all the communication (via email) for the transaction!

It may not matter to you, but some women want people to know they are married, just as some women want people to know they are single, and some women want people to know it's none of their business.

I read that as Mr and Mrs as I am so used to seeing it that way.
Not sure why reversing it is any better - do you plan to do that until it's been used as much as the "old" way just to redress the balance?

People are just used to reading things in a certain order, and it's a convention.

Do you also write Wise & Morecambe, Dec & Ant, Vinegar & Salt, Onion & Cheese? Castle & Elephant? Gentlemen & Ladies?

I do agree it flows better the other way; but it also annoys me. For example, I am a female doctor and write referrals to the hospital signed Dr X at the bottom and one hospital in particular always sends beach the letters addressed to Mr X. It annoys me every time I see it.