To consider putting my toddler in the bin?

[inthvalley]

Obviously lighthearted. But oh dear god, please, someone tell me when this hell that is parenting a toddler gets easier?

My 2.5 year old DD is beautiful, sweet, funny and very intelligent. On the flip side of that, she is also an actual demon. She doesn't sleep, she fights almost everything I try to do with her - nappy changes, getting in the car, out of the car, you name it - it's a fight. The tantrums are unbearable at times. Today I just stood there at the park there after several unsuccessful attempts to reason with / placate her, while she lay on grass kicking an screaming something incoherent and refusing to put her shoes on. It went on for 15-30 long minutes. I just stood there fighting back tears while people walked past and stared. I am in a permanent state of foggy brained, sleep deprived exhaustion and burn out, to such an extent that I cannot think in coherent sentences anymore. I dread my days off with her, because I'm too drained to do this anymore. I have no patience with her because it's just so overwhelming. I'd say around 70-80% of my day is hard work and overwhelming, and the other 20-30 is alright / good. Is this normal??

Does this get any easier? Please someone tell me when, before I put her in the bin. 😫

@IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism

Funny you should suggest that, at one point I tried something along the lines of "oh well mummy is going to go and find the swing and slides, ooh how exciting, bye bye then!" in an overly fake excited way. She looked at me and screamed "NOOOOOO MUMMY!!!!" 😪

I know they say terrible twos but I found 3 way harder. If you have a wilful child, then God help you. Sorry!

But it gets easier after that and 4 was like breathing out a big breath of held air.

Now my dd is 10 and amazing, full of stories, jokes and facts and very helpful to boot.

A world I guess where I'm trying to be pleasant to an OP who is going through a hell of a lot right now, and where my post is following on from a couple previous answers in the context of the OP's thread and tone, while trying to keep the thread broadly positive and helpful, and then - as I did - making sure that I added a lot more to that post.

@AutumnCrow

I took your response as intended and actually took some comfort from it, don't worry

Oh no! Maybe if you talked about it to yourself for a bit longer about all the things you wanted to do when you got to the park and all the things you needed to do to get ready to go out, and how it would be a terrible shame if there wasn’t time to do much because XXX was having a strop, she might start thinking about something other than screaming? I do remember the walking off trick didn’t work at all with DS. He would be further enraged at my audacity!

Have you read the “cutted up pears” thread? It’s called something like “if my toddler was on AIBU”. It won’t be any practical help but you’ll feel less alone.

There are lots of ages that seem like turning points to me. - so maybe incremental turning points. For me it’s been - 4, 6, 9, 11 and 13 where I’ve noticed huge changes in my two children (one is still 9).

@Sugarfree23

She's only just started to master wees on the potty and doesn't get much warning (starts to do it on the carpet and then says "oh no!" and looks for the potty quickly), so I prefer to leave the potty a bit more accessible at the moment rather than the downstairs loo. I will move it when she's mastered it a bit more and can "hold" it a bit longer. She does often "help" me tip it down the loo, but for reasons unknown, today she was intent on tipping it on the carpet🤦🏼‍♀️

Mine didn’t tantrum a lot but I learned to have a bag with a shoulder strap big enough to get everything in if not using the buggy, and just chucked the bag over my shoulders and picked up screaming toddler and walked off. Hard to do if you’re pregnant or have a bad back though.

If you can, distract as much as possible. Wow - look at that!!! Or competition - I bet I can do this the fastest !!! Exhausting but usually worked.

With the potty incident, I’d say Who wants to tip the smelly wee down the toilet!!! Oh, it’s going to be mummy!!!! Just make sure you’re holding it out of reach …

Hugely exaggerated sing song responses help-

Oh no, a smelly stinky wee on my carpet, so we'll get wet stinky smelly feet and be wet stinky smelly Sarah and wet stinky smelly Evie?! No thank you! I'm going to tip it safely down the toilet so we can smell like flowers not like wee!

Have you read the wonky donkey? Channel that!

Also, watch a funny video online and laugh loudly about it 'oh my word, there's a cat is sitting in a box! Oh it's so funny, he looks really silly!
Don't say it to her, say it to the screen. She'll probably want to watch over your shoulder.

They go through patches of being exceedingly taxing, and then they are amazing for a bit. It's just a phase. It WILL pass.
I did ask DH if DS2 (who is 12) could be returned to the hospital last week tho!

And yy ^^ to reading the 'cutted up pears' thread to raise a smile.

For a short while (can't remember the exact age) my DS needed safety reins near the main road as he was a runner, but they were also very useful for picking him up off the pavement. Fond memories

When DS1 was three I read on here ‘we don’t negotiate with terrorists’ in reference to a toddler. It stuck and had the benefit of making me laugh (rather than cry) when it was terrible. I have found 6 onwards much much easier and DS1 (now 10) is a delight 95% of the time.

Love the comment about terrorists 😂

Toddlers are just mini dictators aren't they, and so wildly unreasonable. 😭

That title made me laugh as reminded me of a scene from Killing Eve

My girl loves to "help" me and I've found it a very useful trick- "ohh no, where do these shoes go? Can you help mum, do they go on my head? Oh do they go on the pushchair, tree, bench whatever... Dd please help me!!" Works quite often. Good luck!

I vote for the bin, they should provide a toddler sized bin with every red book imo.

I found the terrible 2s lasted from 18 months til
about 4. It is a mad mad phase - so much is beyond their control and the reasoning part of their brain has a long way to go. Plus your partner is away a LOT, so that is a lot of time for you to hold the fort. Big hugs it feels hard because it IS hard

This age is so hard. I have very vivid memories of spending most school runs with a screaming toddler hoisted over my shoulder. They do get much more reasonable very soon. When it was really taxing I would think back to a year ago and try to realise how fast that year had gone, in the blink of an eye, you will be a year further on and DD will be manageable!

To get through it now, try to be as zen and disinterested as possible. Carry on with what you're doing as much as you can, just pick her up like a feral cat and strap her in the car seat or whatever and tell her firmly what's happening. Ignore any screaming. Couldn't agree more with 'we don't negotiate with terrorists'

Don't try to calm them down or negotiate. Ignore the tantrum and just pick them up under one arm and go home.

It will pass and you will forget this hellish phase! And no it doesn't last long.

A whole lot of empathy for you! It’s shit. After 6 years as a SAHM mum to two, I’ve decided to finally go back to work. For a rest.

I feel your pain @inthvalley My DD was hard work for a spell as a toddler/infant, but she had HER terrible twos at age 3.5 to 4.5. Oh my days she was such hard work. Annoying and clingy and moany, and wouldn't stop talking and demanding attention, and that we stop doing what we are doing NOW and pay her attention. Always interrupted me and DH when we were talking - so much so that me and DH never bothered trying to talk (to each other) when she was there. She was all me me me....... and I fucking HATED this stage with her.

We would go somewhere - eg Merry Hill Shopping Centre, or Gloucester or somewhere to visit and 'sight-see,' and she would want to come back after about 30 minutes. She whinged and bitched so much that often we gave up and went home after only an hour - to an hour and a half somewhere. She was only OK if it was Disneyland or a funfair or a beach... something SHE wanted to do.

We were glad when she went to school full time tbh, and the annoying stage that you are going through lasted about a year I would say. It did pass though, THANK GOD, and we got to the point where we looked forward to school holidays with her then.

Like posters have said, maybe try distraction technique. My DD didn't do tantrumming, but she did sulk, and roll her eyes, and kept talking over us when we were chatting, and ignoring our requests to please stop! And she would pout if she wasn't getting her own way. Thank GOD this stage didn't last long. Your DD's stage she is going through now will soon pass.

3

I had a perfect toddler who is now 6 who never had a single tantrum so was so sure it was my amazing parenting. Along came his brother who on the daily is flat out on the driveway screaming his head off and refusing to move. He never does it in front of anyone, always saves it for me and DH so no one believes me how challenging he can be.

I like to pick my battles. Is it a non negotiable (such as urine on my carpet)? Then absolutely no way, it's not happening and I'm stronger willed than he is, I'll endure it. Is it something annoying but not a big deal like wanting to wear his brothers jacket which is 3 sizes too big? Crack on pal. Also sometimes he just needs to be dragged up to his bed and a tight cuddle and silence does a little reset.

I agree that surprising them out of it works but I wouldn't get on the floor and scream! What would she do if you said quietly oh my goodness I've just seen XYZ in the grass and kneel down and start to look there? Four leaf clovers are a good bet. Ladybirds are another even if they're not actually there I'm sure you thought you saw one. It's just a matter of doing anything to take her mind of her current troubles! It's making her feel horrible when she's screaming, so I think all you can do is stay very calm and distract her.

Thank you so much, this is so validating and that's mostly what I needed😞