Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's Colleague- Leg Pic.

532 replies

PeaceGoodMercutio · 04/09/2023 08:51

DH 38 was sent a holiday picture of very posed "sausage leg" type picture from female work colleague (late 50s). Right up to the bikini line. His response was "A bit jealous, but wait til I get to my room".
I think this reads a certain way.
What do you think?
For context, we were on holiday too in a very nice hotel that he had been bragging about to her in previous messages. He says he was just going to show her pics of our room.
He never did. Messages stop there.
My mum says it isn't suspicious and believes him as apparently pictures like this are common amongst her 50 year old friends.
My friend says it is suspicious as feck.

Aibu:
Yes- innocent messages.
No--suspicious messages.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MsRosley · 04/09/2023 17:28

OP, the crying sounds to me like the reaction of a man with a guilty conscience.

girlfriend44 · 04/09/2023 17:29

Just get rid of what's App, this ability now to message everyone and send instant pics, causes so.much trouble.

Rosiem2808 · 04/09/2023 17:30

OP One thing crosses my mind. Why does a 38 year old man need Viagra?

I think he is a sleaze as well.

Poivresel · 04/09/2023 17:31

An innocent man would say
I’m sorry you don’t believe me, I don’t know what else I can say.
They wouldn’t threaten to harm themselves.

Laiste · 04/09/2023 17:33

Hmmm - it seems HIS reaction is the hysterical one.

He protests too much IMO

TeaAndToastx · 04/09/2023 17:34

Poivresel · 04/09/2023 17:31

An innocent man would say
I’m sorry you don’t believe me, I don’t know what else I can say.
They wouldn’t threaten to harm themselves.

Agreed!

Septemberdaysarehere · 04/09/2023 17:35

Umm

angry defensive
getting her to ring you
then crying
then making out you are mad

it’s a bit of a script here isn’t it

Oblomov23 · 04/09/2023 17:37

This is so grim, sleazy. Yuk.
1 is ok. 2 is not.

Husband's Colleague- Leg Pic.
Husband's Colleague- Leg Pic.
Septemberdaysarehere · 04/09/2023 17:38

PeaceGoodMercutio · 04/09/2023 17:16

He has done a lot of crying.
Blaming me.
Saying he has done nothing wrong.
Saying he will jump out of the window.
Now he's "gone out for air."

None of these are a normal response

hes totally guilty and they are both inappropriate

jays · 04/09/2023 17:38

I’d have thought it was innocent enough on his part, she was a CF, but I’m wondering now due to his over the top reaction.

ellie09 · 04/09/2023 17:38

Only sorry cos he was caught

Staplesonstamps · 04/09/2023 17:39

My 10 year old ADHDer says things like ‘I’m going to jump out of a window’ when she’s legitimately being corrected for poor behaviour. I don’t expect such dramatics from a grown ass man. How pathetic.

Superduper02 · 04/09/2023 17:40

IamnotSethRogan · 04/09/2023 09:42

I would take him at his word unless you have reason to think other wise. The context completely fits. I'd say the women was a bit inappropriate but if they'd been having banter about holidays at work then it's not completely off the mark, maybe a bit misjudged. Your DH probably didn't think that his message sounded that dodgy when he sent it.

Also I think if he thought he had dodgy messages on his phone, he would have deleted them if he was aware you were using his phone. He probably didn't think any more about it.

I personally agree. I saw it was banter and thought he was going to send a sausage legs photo when back in the room.

I agree bit inappropriate of colleague to send a bikini shot. She's probably keen on him/attention seeking.

Maybe he also found it inappropriate and decided not to text back. If there was a chat going, I presume you would have seen something in the days you were using his phone.

Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 17:40

PeaceGoodMercutio · 04/09/2023 17:16

He has done a lot of crying.
Blaming me.
Saying he has done nothing wrong.
Saying he will jump out of the window.
Now he's "gone out for air."

I don't blame him for being upset. You said yourself he's never given you any red flags about cheating and you think there hasn't been an affair but perhaps some inappropriate flirting but by assuming the worst you've potentially caused a massive problem for him at work with his colleague. My OH would be devastated if I did both things and I'm pretty sure our relationship would be fucked going forward.

How are you feeling about it all now, OP?

DameCurlyBassey · 04/09/2023 17:41

FullFatPhil · 04/09/2023 16:08

"Don’t listen to your Mum as she is clueless, they didn’t even have WhatsApp when she was your age so really she has zero experience to go for does she."

Fuck me 😅 I'm assuming the OPs mum is about the same age as sausage leg and is capable of using WhatsApp

I know your generation think they're so tech savvy, but there's really nothing difficult or mind-blowing about WhatsApp, is there? It isn't that difficult to navigate, is it? And I am proudly older than sausage legs. And guess what? You will be older one day too and you may be delighted to discover that you don't automatically turn into a dribbling idiot.

Susuwatariandkodama · 04/09/2023 17:43

For an innocent man he is acting very guilty, if he has nothing to hide then what’s with all the drama?

Bumcake · 04/09/2023 17:44

Susuwatariandkodama · 04/09/2023 17:43

For an innocent man he is acting very guilty, if he has nothing to hide then what’s with all the drama?

He’s probably had a pretty humiliating day at work to be fair.

DameCurlyBassey · 04/09/2023 17:45

Staplesonstamps · 04/09/2023 17:07

i have to agree that the assumption on this thread that all women over 50 are ‘grannies’ with ‘wrinkly legs’ and somehow incapable of being seen as sexually attractive is depressing.

I see some absolutely beautiful 50+ year olds out and about in the world, I follow many older women’s body positive SM accounts and tbh I envy some of their wonderful physiques and talent with style and make up and their sass and confidence and I’m in my forties.

Lets stop with this ageist trope that it would be somehow impossible for a younger bloke to be interested in an older woman and therefore the idea he actually finds her tanned legs and crotch a bit of a turn on and might be jealous of her hubby being there with her whilst she’s looking nice in a bikini somehow out of bounds of possibility.

I'm sorry. I started it and have no excuse as I am an older woman too (older than sausagelegs). And am still told by others that i am attractive. Just a short while ago a young woman told me she wanted my legs, so I really do have no excuse.

52 is relatively young. And if we're talking about beauty some women blossom in their 40s and 50s.

Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 17:45

Susuwatariandkodama · 04/09/2023 17:43

For an innocent man he is acting very guilty, if he has nothing to hide then what’s with all the drama?

Maybe because he's facing a serious HR issue at work thanks to OP lobbing a MN-sponsored grenade into their lives?

TheGreatATuin · 04/09/2023 17:46

I can only assume you've never been on a dating app. I'm close to fifty and there is no shortage of younger men trying it on with older women.

TheGreatATuin · 04/09/2023 17:47

Sorry, seem to have missed off my quote section. That was to the poster who seemed to think it unlikely a man would have an affair with an older woman

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2023 17:47

The message in itself... mm.

The disappearing off upstairs with a spurious excuse
The lack of innocent reply, no photos of hotel room or 'look at our balcony its ace' type responses
The getting her to call you
The utter dramatics, throwing himself out of windows suggestions
The 'worried about you' shit..

Those are all HUGE red flags. Whatever it is he has done, he knows its inappropriate, unacceptable and he feels guilty.

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 04/09/2023 17:48

nah, he is using all the tricks, the guilt, the suicidal intent, the anger.

It might be innocent but if it walks like a duck etc etc

OhComeOnFFS · 04/09/2023 17:48

He's following the script, isn't he?

Denies everything

Denies everything and gets angry

Denies everything and says you're crazy

Admits a bit and says it was because of you

Cries and admits and bit more - very sorry for himself (at this point he's usually looking at you as he cries to see how effective the tears are - think of a manipulative toddler)

Starts to get angry - admits more but blames you again - usually the words "I've never been happy in this marriage" appear here

Starts to cry again - says he's having a breakdown

Threatens suicide

Then if you do break up, within three days he's got together either with the OW or with a completely different woman who he's had a soft spot for and kicks off at having to pay any maintenance.

TiredandLate · 04/09/2023 17:50

I can't comprehend the conversation he must have had with this woman, as her boss, that resulted in him giving her your number and her willingly taking it and trying to contact you. That is incredibly inappropriate. That plus you messaging her husband.. well.