To not let my son have his own room now?

[RosiePosiePuddin]

Just moved house. 2 eldest sons insisted they shared the largest room.

I offered them the option of one having the 2nd reception room downstairs as their bedroom so everyone has their own room but they declined.

Had this discussion several times with them. Always the same, they want to share.

So, I buy a £200 table and chair set from marketplace for the dining room. Wallpaper (to my taste for a dining room, not a teen boys bedroom) accessories, a sideboard etc

They get heavy wooden, double ottoman beds built (on 3rd floor btw!) set up their drawers from flat pack, wardrobes etc.

Now weeks later they're asking can one of them move into the reception room.

AIBU to say no, because I must have asked them 10 times.

I've bought everything to do it out as a dining room now.

It would mean taking a wooden bed, wardrobe, drawers, heavy double mattress down 2 flights of stairs.

I've got enough to do.

AIBU to say you made the decision now you have to stick with it?!

But there is a choice here. I do not think children, particularly of that age, should share unless absolutely necessary. Especially if op is going to be asking them to contribute to the household.

OP asked them MORE THAN ONCE if they wanted separate rooms and they said no. They were already sharing so they knew exactly what it was like.

It sounds as if their new bedroom is bigger than their previous one so why the sudden change of mind?

There is nothing wrong with children sharing at any age. Lots of children don't get a choice but these 2 boys did. They made their choice so that's that.

I don't think it makes any difference whether they contribute to the household or not. So you are saying children that share shouldn't have to contribute?

As I said before, I shared a room with my 2 sisters until I was 22. We lived in a council house and the council said we did not need a bigger house.

I contributed from starting work at 17 and so did my middle sister (youngest sister was only just leaving school as I left home)

Each to their own, but I think personal space is extremely important and I would not have children share unless absolutely necessary. And no, I would not expect any money from people sharing a room. I would only take money to save for them in any case, but I would not feel ok with charging for a shared room.

Just because you had these circumstances does not make it something to aspire to. I would sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge before making 3 children share a room.

It's annoying but teens are annoying. I'd just make them do all the moving and make them have to resell the table and chairs for you and give you back the money.

Well more fool you if you would not take board money if children shared a room.

All the pandering to children today is ridiculous. No bloody way would I ever sleep on a sofa bed just so children did not have to share a room. It doesn't hurt to share a room.

Maybe my circumstances of sharing have made me a nicer person and far less entitled than many of the pandered to children of today are likely to be.

No need for them to do any moving or selling as they should be staying in the room they chose to share

I have lived in a council house. I come from a poor background but I did have my own room. But I don't feel entitled to put myself above my children. Interesting you talk of entitlement but display more of it than I do.

Not giving in to a child's every whim is not entitlement on the parent's part.

I am not entitled in the slightest but I would not be letting my children rule the roost. Families need a dining table and should be sitting and eating their meals at one. If there is not enough room that is a different matter but, in this case, the OP has a room that can be used as a dining room and, as it is presumably on the same floor as the living room, is no doubt intended to be a dining room.

All very noble to say you don't put yourself above your children but a parent's wants and needs are just as important as a child's and why should the child always be the one that gains?

OP has to lose her lovely dining room/craft room, something she has wanted for a while, to give her sons separate rooms which is something that is not essential.

If the boys had never shared before or OP had not given them the choice I could maybe understand it but they did share (quite possibly for years) and OP asked them several times if they were sure they wanted to share.

I don't get the mn obsession with children supposedly needing their own rooms. Yes I am sure it is nice to have your own room if it is possible but often it isn't. Lots of families have children that share a room - most of my neighbours' children share. I am not talking just young children but many aged from 14 to 24.

I wouldn't change the current arrangement either. However have you got anywhere, any tiny room, an airing cupboard, a large storage space, an attic, that you could convert into a den for your teens use? That way they could get a bit of space from each other, and it would only need to be big enough to game in with a couple of beanbags or similar. That way one of them has somewhere private to chill or go when the other has friends or a girlfriend round

My children do not rule the roost, but they all have their own bedrooms. I feel personal space is extremely important and would not compromise on this.

I do not feel a parent's wants and needs are as important. Important yes, but parental wants do not trump children's needs. She can still have a craft room in the wee room she was prepared to offer as a den.

Op knew the sleeping arrangements were not adequate, she offered the room. Yes, they should have said yes right away, but the necessity of offering that room has not changed from moving in.

If you have enough bedrooms that your children can all have their own rooms then that is great but OP doesn't.

She could have a craft room in the small room but she can't put a dining table in there can she? I don't see why she should lose out on the dining room.

The sleeping arrangements were adequate because they were the same as they had been previously, possibly for quite a long time. OP offered them separate rooms which meant she still did not get her dining room so she was willing to put her children first. She offered more than once (in fact OP says she must have asked at least 10 times). She has now spent more than £200 on the room with the furniture, wallpaper etc.

There is no necessity of another room. It sounds as though the shared bedroom is bigger than the room they shared before so that is better and it also sounds as though it can be divided in some way . Also if the small room is made into a den then they can have their own "personal space" if and when they need it.

I can't use my original username for some reason?!

But just to update

DS is in the dining room now. All painted and it looks like a real bedroom.

So they all have a bedroom each.

I'll have a dining room some day, just not today 😂

They're 17 and 18 lads - they can move, but they do all the moving themselves. You don't have anything to do with it.

I think it was madness to go ahead and do the room up as a dining room straight away.

You say neither of them have girlfriends but they could meet girls next week for all any of you know

You say they're not going to uni either so they could be living with you for years, so I think you should have expected that they would have wanted the bedroom eventually even if they didn't want it right now.

Trying to get my head around the layout of the third floor. Could you add more room onto the closet to make a separate bedroom? Is it next to their room so you can take a wall out then put another wall in?

@kkloo how on earth did you dig up this zombie thread (which, incidentally, has been resolved)?!

@Mari9999

she had said they won't be be moving out anytime soon!

some SEN & not going to uni.

they could be at home for years yet!!

@RosiePosiePuddin

without knowing the size etc it's difficult, but could you build a proper wall and partition off a bit of one/both bedrooms to create an hallway wall with a door? (Did that make sense?)

But other than that type of thing, at their ages I'd be saying 'No'

they shared before so they knew what it was like. You gave them plenty of opportunity to say 'no' they wanted separate rooms. They won't say why they no longer want to share.

enjoy your two rooms downstairs & get a bit of your life back, they'll cope!!

Oh arse!

I clocked it was a zombie thread earlier too, then completely forgot, thinking about the situation!!

@RosiePosiePuddin2

As we are all here. ... how's it working out?

have you turned the little room/cupboard into a crafting area or storage at least??

No idea 🤔🤔
I must have clicked on one of 'the similar threads' thinking it was one of the trending ones 🤔

I'd work out a room divider and see if you could mock it up on an app if they struggle to visualise it. The dining room benefits the whole household so you should keep it.

This.

No idea why this has been resurrected.

But I am ROSIEPOSIE on a new account and the boys have been in their rooms months and I've never missed having a dining room or craft room.

I've been so busy decorating and generally living I've not even done nay crafts.

So yeha. Everyone's happy 😂😂😂

It was totally unintentional to resurrect it. It must have shown up on the 'similar threads' section and I mistakenly thought that it was showing up on the 'trending' section.

It's great that you're all enjoying your new home! 😊