To not let my son have his own room now?

[RosiePosiePuddin]

Just moved house. 2 eldest sons insisted they shared the largest room.

I offered them the option of one having the 2nd reception room downstairs as their bedroom so everyone has their own room but they declined.

Had this discussion several times with them. Always the same, they want to share.

So, I buy a £200 table and chair set from marketplace for the dining room. Wallpaper (to my taste for a dining room, not a teen boys bedroom) accessories, a sideboard etc

They get heavy wooden, double ottoman beds built (on 3rd floor btw!) set up their drawers from flat pack, wardrobes etc.

Now weeks later they're asking can one of them move into the reception room.

AIBU to say no, because I must have asked them 10 times.

I've bought everything to do it out as a dining room now.

It would mean taking a wooden bed, wardrobe, drawers, heavy double mattress down 2 flights of stairs.

I've got enough to do.

AIBU to say you made the decision now you have to stick with it?!

I think they had the chance and now everything has been bought and arranged the way they wanted it.

Enjoy your new dining table.

When I first saw this post I was in the your choice deal with it camp but now you’ve said their ages I’ve changed my mind. Both my adult DC have partners stay over when they’re home and this would obviously be impossible if they’re sharing. They’re old enough to be having adult relationships and maybe it’s occurred to them that it would be awkward to explain. They won’t be at home forever, I’d let them do all the work though.

They made their decision.

Also I think you have spent enough time eating off your knees.

Another one here who thinks a room divider? But is it likely one or both will move out? If so I'd definitely go down that route but if not I'd probably let one have the dining room. Do they have girlfriends? Could that be the reason they no longer want to share? How do you feel about that?

This 100%

Are either of them planning on going to uni soon? If so I would imagine they would be moving out in the not too distant future so really not worth selling all the dining room furniture. I would just say no, you made the choice and I planned around it. Good lesson in taking Accountability

As the bedroom is bigger than their previous one can you put some sort of divider in it so they each have their own space?

Being 17 and 18 hopefully they won't be living at home much longer and you deserve your own space: dining room/hobby room etc

As soon as you bought dining room furniture it was too late to change their minds.

At 17 and 18 they need to accept that this was their choice. They are old enough to have critical thinking skills of what own room means. if they're planning on moving out within next few years, they can share. If you all have discussed that they'll live with you for another 10ish years then it would be worth considering separate rooms.

No uni and no gfs over.

I don't know why they've changed their minds, they haven't articulated it, just said it would be cool to have their own rooms 🙄 yeah, I told you that.

Neither are going uni. Neither have GFs.

I could put a divider up but one would still have to walk through others space to get out, there's no way to add a 2nd door.

I'll look into this.

There's 2 windows so could work.

Honestly you shouldn't have to look into or sort anything they are old enough to find solutions if they want one and it's not your problem.

They're old enough to build a partition wall? 🤔

Im not opposed to making the room they're in work for them to my best ability, now that they've made it theirs.

How big is their new room OP?

Also, you don’t mention a partner - is it just you and your boys? If no partner, could you make the dining room into a dual bedroom and crafting space for you? Or is it not big enough?

Tbf yes they are.

It needs to be done properly by whoever does it and they're old enough to research, use the tools, develop the skills...

Given theire ages I'd say and that you appear to have nowhere else to eat dinner from, I'd say its too late to swap rooms. No harm in them asking though,

Pair of bloody idiots. Teenagers eh 🤣 I would find this really difficult because I would understand that they actually don’t really want to share a room, particularly at their age, but equally, you’ve bought furniture for the dining room and gave them lots of chances to change their mind.
I guess, in a perfect world, it would’ve made more sense to have given it a trial six months of sharing in the new house before committing to anything (furniture for the dining room etc) to make sure they weren’t just sticking with what they know due to feeling otherwise unsettled by moving, but hindsight is 20/20.
I think it would depend on whether you think they’ll be moving out in a year or two or whether they’ll likely be there for the foreseeable. If a move out is imminent, theres little point to changing everything up again now. Give them a timeframe perhaps, if in 6/9/12 months they still feel the same, you can think again.
Also something to consider is that if one or the other gets a girlfriend, or boyfriend, the lack of privacy will probably mean they opt to spend much of their time at the partner’s house. Personally I’d probably prefer to avoid that and hope for a more even split for the benefit of future relationships, but just something to mull over.

They are similar ages and they are old enough to make decisions so leave them in the same room. I would look at room dividers as the room sounds large enough to accommodate that. Also it may not be too long before one of them moves out.

No. You gave them enough chances to have a bedroom each (which was very nice of you in the first place). Now it's your turn to have your dining room.

You can offer the room divider if you feel so inclined, but don't give up your dining/craft/sewing room.

Is it really only one or the other? If they're on the third floor and they're sharing, do you have a lot of other children in the house? What are their sleeping arrangements? Can you re-jig other rooms so the oldest two get their own space and you keep your dining room?

OK if no uni plans presume the 18 year old is working or planning to be working soon? How long does he intend to live at home? Obviously he could look at saving for a house share if he is desperate for his own space. If he is paying rent or going to be at some point then he may have more reasonable grounds to request his own room

I was going to say make them stick it out for a while and then let them move after Christmas because I assumed they'd be young, but at 17 and 18 I simply would not bother.

Don't get annoyed at them or get into rows, just calmly and dully repeat that you gave them the opportunity and they didn't want to and now it's too late. They can have their own rooms when they move out.

Silly lads.

Don't let them build one all by themselves obviously, but they can definitely do all the hard work of researching alternatives and costing them out, then coming to you with the results. At their ages, it'll give them an extra opportunity at adulting.

Definitely a “tough luck” situation I would say. They were sharing before, so knew what it was like. They were given the choice and made it. They are young adults, this is one of those life lessons of learning to live with the consequences of the choice you make.

I can't see him leaving home any time soon, hence another reason I pushed for the bedroom initially.

He's a very young, shy 18.

I was much bolder than him and I didn't leave till 23!

Yes, 2 other children with their own rooms. All settled in and no way to rejig (girl on her own and youngest boy in his own room)