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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my son have his own room now?

173 replies

RosiePosiePuddin · 04/09/2023 08:40

Just moved house. 2 eldest sons insisted they shared the largest room.

I offered them the option of one having the 2nd reception room downstairs as their bedroom so everyone has their own room but they declined.

Had this discussion several times with them. Always the same, they want to share.

So, I buy a £200 table and chair set from marketplace for the dining room. Wallpaper (to my taste for a dining room, not a teen boys bedroom) accessories, a sideboard etc

They get heavy wooden, double ottoman beds built (on 3rd floor btw!) set up their drawers from flat pack, wardrobes etc.

Now weeks later they're asking can one of them move into the reception room.

AIBU to say no, because I must have asked them 10 times.

I've bought everything to do it out as a dining room now.

It would mean taking a wooden bed, wardrobe, drawers, heavy double mattress down 2 flights of stairs.

I've got enough to do.

AIBU to say you made the decision now you have to stick with it?!

OP posts:
Velvian · 04/09/2023 09:53

Do you have a floor plan that you can share, OP?

MyGardensAMess · 04/09/2023 09:54

They made their choice and had plenty of opportunity. It's reasonable that you don't want to have all the work of having to change things again because they changed their mind. I'd tell them it's not changing now for a long time.

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 04/09/2023 09:54

Tough tit...I'm surprised at 17 and 18 they wanted to share in the first place tbh! But they made the decision surely the older one will leave in a year or two anyway...did they do it so they would have to pay less board?

jannier · 04/09/2023 09:55

No perfectly reasonable.

GeorgeBeckett · 04/09/2023 09:56

YANBU. You gave them plenty chances and have now laid out for furniture. They definitely need to live with this decision at least for a bit.

They are being very odd! Why on earth didn't they want their own rooms?! This is bizarre behaviour from 17 & 18 year old lads! You could agree to review it in 6 months and they come up with options and costings and do a lot of the leg work. If the room is big enough for 2 double beds there should be plenty of options. Maybe they could fund the changes they want through work.

SkaneTos · 04/09/2023 09:58

PinkRoses1245 · 04/09/2023 08:52

I’m baffled that a 17 and 18 would want to share in the first place, I wouldn’t have ever believed them

I agree with this.

skyeisthelimit · 04/09/2023 09:59

YANBU. You gave them the option , they didn't want it and now the room has another use.

They won't be at home forever, so keep the room the way that you have set it out now.

Whichwhatnow · 04/09/2023 10:01

Get a room divider if they want privacy. Plenty of DC need to share and at such similar ages and the same sex I really don't see an issue. Also they are definitely old enough to understand that they made their choice!

I really wouldn't give up your dining room/crafting space (which sounds lovely btw) based on nearly-adult DC changing their mind like that.

CatherinedeBourgh · 04/09/2023 10:03

Putting up a partition wall is not overly complicated, my 16yo could do it tbh.

There are many solutions to dividing the space up if they wanted to, you can't be expected to rearrange things on their whims every two seconds.

CoffeeCantata · 04/09/2023 10:12

No - he's missed his chance, OP. You keep your dining room!

He'll survive, and maybe it can be reviewed in a year or so.

Life lesson here.

TheDogMama · 04/09/2023 10:15

As they’re likely to be at home for a good while yet, I’d let them have their own rooms. Yes, it’s annoying and I’d let them know that, but people change their minds, on this it was inevitable they would at their ages.

blankittyblank · 04/09/2023 10:19

Is it possible they originally said no because they were thinking of you, and trying to consider your needs? As in, they knew you wanted more space and were trying to be selfless.

And then, when they moved in together realised actually, it's not what they expected, or suddenly they feel it's not suitable anymore? I'm just wondering if there's another reason why they were refusing beforehand

PortalooSunset · 04/09/2023 10:20

@RosiePosiePuddin there was nothing in your op to indicate they had shared before so I took it at face value 🤷🏼‍♀️
You've made your decision though, it won't be happening. Not sure why the thread was needed really.

BungleandGeorge · 04/09/2023 10:24

I would definitely look at dividing their existing room. At 17 and 18 though they’re going to want partners staying in the not too distant future. Is it a 2 bedroom house or are there other options?

DonnaBanana · 04/09/2023 10:24

If you’re going to cave then make them wait till after Christmas so you can enjoy the room a bit first. I’d then make them do all the work and moving too being two adult men.

gamerchick · 04/09/2023 10:26

No I'd stick to guns here. It was asked, it wasn't an option if they changed their minds. It's a no.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/09/2023 10:27

I think you should have put their ages in the OP and the fact they already share. There is a massive difference between 17 and 18 year olds who have shared before vs say a 6 and 8 year old who think it would be cool.

They are plenty old enough to think through consequences and to figure out a solution (eg partitioning if they want more privacy). Otherwise they can pay for storage of your furniture or sell it / pay for the difference if you don't get the money back, move the furniture themselves etc

RB68 · 04/09/2023 10:27

at 17 and 18 why are you doing humping and shifting? I would let them do it as at that age they do need privacy really BUT they have to understand the issues they are causing and there should be some sort of payback for you accommodating them sooner rather than later

Noalcohol · 04/09/2023 10:31

If one is going off to Uni I’d leave it if not give them their own rooms.

Sallyh87 · 04/09/2023 10:39

You are of course right and they are being very annoying! However, I’d just let one of them have the dining room, it will make them happier and therefore family life more cohesive.

SauronsArsehole · 04/09/2023 10:42

Nah I’d keep the eldest 2 together. They made a decision and as they’re almost adults they have a good moment to learn that sometimes making a decision cannot be backed out of so easily. Yes it’s only a room but still.

get on ikea and buy a kallax bookcase. Use that as a room divider. You can buy separate inserts for it too and they can be put in from either side so both get some use from it.

or get one of those office space dividers. You can cover it with a different fabric and they can both use a side a pin board.

gamerchick · 04/09/2023 10:43

Pretty much seeing why our kids grow into entitled adults who need their arses wiped here, reading some of these posts..

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 10:48

> two windows

We turned a large bedroom into a small bedroom and separate office this way.

Get them to do the research, get quotes.

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 04/09/2023 10:53

At first I thought YABU but seeing that you gave them lots of choices, they don't have gfs yet and had shared before. Plus their younger siblings have single rooms so they deliberately chose to share - I think YANBU.

If their circumstances change (eg one gets a gf - they have a massive fight/fall out) then you can reassess. In the meantime, they can work out how to divide the room with dividers or using furniture.

Enjoy your dining and craft space Flowers I think it's good for DCs to see that you are a person who deserves to have space too, and that it's not a woman's or a mum's lot to always be bottom of the heap.

OnlyTheBravest · 04/09/2023 10:53

YANBU but young adults/older teens are not mature and their decision making skills can leave a lot to be desired.

As it is likely they will be there for at least 5 years, I would give them separate bedrooms. You could keep the wallpaper and sell the furniture.

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