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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my son have his own room now?

173 replies

RosiePosiePuddin · 04/09/2023 08:40

Just moved house. 2 eldest sons insisted they shared the largest room.

I offered them the option of one having the 2nd reception room downstairs as their bedroom so everyone has their own room but they declined.

Had this discussion several times with them. Always the same, they want to share.

So, I buy a £200 table and chair set from marketplace for the dining room. Wallpaper (to my taste for a dining room, not a teen boys bedroom) accessories, a sideboard etc

They get heavy wooden, double ottoman beds built (on 3rd floor btw!) set up their drawers from flat pack, wardrobes etc.

Now weeks later they're asking can one of them move into the reception room.

AIBU to say no, because I must have asked them 10 times.

I've bought everything to do it out as a dining room now.

It would mean taking a wooden bed, wardrobe, drawers, heavy double mattress down 2 flights of stairs.

I've got enough to do.

AIBU to say you made the decision now you have to stick with it?!

OP posts:
Tastypotato · 04/09/2023 14:23

Op are you sure they haven't done this to game the biggest room and the dining room between them? Would you have had the biggest room if they didn't insist on it? It sounds like they now want the whole 2nd floor and the dining room.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 04/09/2023 14:41

Would you have had the biggest room if they didn't insist on it?

If (and I don't say she should) the op agrees to the change, she should certainly have the biggest room, and the den area to store her craft materials.

mydogisthebest · 04/09/2023 14:56

TheDogMama · 04/09/2023 10:15

As they’re likely to be at home for a good while yet, I’d let them have their own rooms. Yes, it’s annoying and I’d let them know that, but people change their minds, on this it was inevitable they would at their ages.

OP says they were sharing before so why would they suddenly change their mind?

No way would I give in to them. Stick with the dining room. Means you can eat at a table and you can use the room to craft.

Fandangoes · 04/09/2023 14:57

cupboard room = craft / sewing room for you?

mydogisthebest · 04/09/2023 15:00

OnlyTheBravest · 04/09/2023 10:53

YANBU but young adults/older teens are not mature and their decision making skills can leave a lot to be desired.

As it is likely they will be there for at least 5 years, I would give them separate bedrooms. You could keep the wallpaper and sell the furniture.

Why should OP give in to them? That would just make them entitled brats.

OP is entitled to a dining room and a dining table. I am actually surprised she was willing to make a dining room into a bedroom in the first place.

mydogisthebest · 04/09/2023 15:10

RosiePosiePuddin · 04/09/2023 11:40

I might give in after Christmas.

Just have the table up for Xmas then let them move.

I've still got so much to do at the moment that I can't even think about rearranging (yes they would do the donkey work)

I've just always been in a much smaller house and was really excited to have 2 rooms downstairs.

I wnated to have people over for dinner or have little parties etc.

I couldnt do that at the last house with just 1 small living room and if I give up the dining room as a bedroom I'm in the same situation again.

It's not the end of the world of course.

Just would ahve been nice to have more space downstairs

I wouldn't move after Christmas.

Do you not all eat at the table now? You should have a dining table and be able to have people over to eat even if your family don't eat at the table.

No way would I be trying to squash a table into the living room if there is a room to use as a dining room.

Some of the replies on here are beyond belief. Having partners over? I shared a bedroom with my 2 sisters until I left home at 22. I would never have dreamt of asking to have a boyfriend stay but then I was not selfish and entitled.

Parents giving in to their children all the time are not doing their children any favours

Theoldwoman · 04/09/2023 15:15

This all sounds very familiar. Have you posted about this before Op?

Rockandchips · 04/09/2023 15:34

I totally agree with @mydogisthebest. My dad would have hit the roif if I had asked for my boyfriend to stay. I dont understand why parents let their kids boy/girlfriend sleep over in the same room. It is so disrespectful of the kids in my eyes.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2023 15:36

Ooooh so they have the biggest room?

Swap, they can have smaller room and dining room, you have biggest room - then you have at least got room for craft stuff/sewing. No dinner parties though.

Or, tell them to suck it up - they had a choice, their choice was checked multiple times, you have already spent money AND effort in buying stuff that would have nowhere to go AND wallpapering... so they can live with their choice now! Valuable life lesson that!

Thelonelygiraffe · 04/09/2023 16:28

No. You asked, they said no. They knew what sharing was like.

I'd keep your lovely dining room and enjoy having a dining table and a craft space. You deserve it!

Thelonelygiraffe · 04/09/2023 16:30

SpidersAreShitheads · 04/09/2023 09:24

How big is their new room OP?

Also, you don’t mention a partner - is it just you and your boys? If no partner, could you make the dining room into a dual bedroom and crafting space for you? Or is it not big enough?

Whaaaat? Why?

Original poster
RosiePosiePuddin · 04/09/2023 17:16

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2023 15:36

Ooooh so they have the biggest room?

Swap, they can have smaller room and dining room, you have biggest room - then you have at least got room for craft stuff/sewing. No dinner parties though.

Or, tell them to suck it up - they had a choice, their choice was checked multiple times, you have already spent money AND effort in buying stuff that would have nowhere to go AND wallpapering... so they can live with their choice now! Valuable life lesson that!

My room is the same size as theirs.

OP posts:
TheClitterati · 04/09/2023 18:23

RosiePosiePuddin · 04/09/2023 08:50

They're 17 and 18.

They are old enough to live with their decision.

Enjoy your dining/crafting room.

itsgettingweird · 04/09/2023 18:32

If they both have double ottoman beds I'm guessing they have a whole floor to themselves - like a loft conversion?

If it's just one large room could you look at putting a stud wall down the middle?

Yanbu to tell them not a chance are you changing it now! But if they could find a way to divide the space they wanted I'd help facilitate it.

Firsttimecaller · 04/09/2023 18:33

RosiePosiePuddin · 04/09/2023 11:52

It's not really causing friction.

They don't argue or fight.

There's also a very small closet room on the same floor that's been offered to either for more space. Absolutely not big enough for a bed. Think walk in wardrobe size. But they could have an armchair, computer, TV, shelves. Just a little get away man-den sort of thing.

But neither of them wants it!

Sounds like now you have a dining room AND a craft room! Bonus for you. If they want a den and you have a garden the can buy, build and furnish a shed!

Snugglemonkey · 04/09/2023 23:02

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 04/09/2023 11:03

it will make them happier

Their happiness is not more important than the OP's happiness. Having a dining room and a space for crafting makes her happy.

I don't think that is true. A crafting space is a luxury, while a bedroom is a necessity. And parents should put children first.

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/09/2023 03:38

Snugglemonkey · 04/09/2023 23:02

I don't think that is true. A crafting space is a luxury, while a bedroom is a necessity. And parents should put children first.

Show quote history

Which part of asking multiple times if they really want to share is not 'putting children first' and lets be fair here, 17 and 18 are barely children any more - one is an adult, one is very nearly!

Crafting space might not seem all that important but space to entertain and have a social life surely is!

knitnerd90 · 05/09/2023 03:47

YANBU and I would never have offered to give up the dining room. 4 kids and 3 bedrooms between them; two have to share. They've got the largest room as it is, you've been very reasonable.

knitnerd90 · 05/09/2023 03:47

Snugglemonkey · 04/09/2023 23:02

I don't think that is true. A crafting space is a luxury, while a bedroom is a necessity. And parents should put children first.

Show quote history

But they have a bedroom. Kids have shared before and always will. I would regard not eating off one's lap as a necessity.

EyesEars · 05/09/2023 04:00

Can you not compromise and do both? Person in dining room sleeps in small room or upstairs bedroom (surely it's large enough for a mattress) when you entertain. Make it their project, they sell table and find fold up one and make it work.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/09/2023 04:30

I'd look into dividing the room. It sounds huge. All family members from a dining room not just OP.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/09/2023 04:32

Benefit from a dining room that should say.

Snugglemonkey · 05/09/2023 07:17

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/09/2023 03:38

Which part of asking multiple times if they really want to share is not 'putting children first' and lets be fair here, 17 and 18 are barely children any more - one is an adult, one is very nearly!

Crafting space might not seem all that important but space to entertain and have a social life surely is!

Show quote history

There is space to entertain, just not to have sit down dinners. The boys also need space to have friends or partners around, to have a social life. So need their own rooms.

mydogisthebest · 05/09/2023 08:09

Snugglemonkey · 05/09/2023 07:17

There is space to entertain, just not to have sit down dinners. The boys also need space to have friends or partners around, to have a social life. So need their own rooms.

Show quote history

Nothing stopping them having friends or partners round. Why is their social life more important than the OP's?

Lots of children share rooms and most don't get a choice. OP's sons did get a choice and chose to carrying on sharing.

I think a dining room is far more important than separate bedrooms. The bedroom is obviously pretty big so can probably be divided somehow.

mydogisthebest · 05/09/2023 08:12

Snugglemonkey · 04/09/2023 23:02

I don't think that is true. A crafting space is a luxury, while a bedroom is a necessity. And parents should put children first.

Show quote history

Children should not come first every single time. Why should they get their own rooms and OP loses a dining room and craft room?

Surely a dining table is pretty much a necessity. Where do they all sit and eat?