ADHD in women

[Sporkle99]

I am convinced I have adhd. So is a close family member who is a GP of 35+ years and my manager who I'm fairly close with, and who used to work in a children with disabilities team (I know, adhd isn't always considered a disability by those who have it, it's more for context to show she's experienced).

Reasons I think I have it:

• I can't focus unless on boring tasks. I'm intelligent but really struggle to get anything done most days. I have to wait until I have a deadline tomorrow then I force myself to finish whatever it was.

• I am disorganised. I cannot keep my house clean. I never know where anything is. I lose my keys every day. I lose everything. I'm a jumbled mess.

• I can't listen. I zone out in meetings. It's painful. I can be talking to someone face to face but just cannot, cannot listen and take in what they are saying.

• I am so, so forgetful. I forget everything. Appointments. Responding to messages. Posting things. I forget everything. I tell myself to write it down when I get home, then forget to even do that.

• I'm shit with money, and ashamed of the fact.

• Im basically a useless mess whose mind is running on a motor but not in the way I want it to.

These are just a few things but I don't know what to do. I cannot afford a private assessment. I don't know if I can deal with the wait for an assessment. I need steering in the right direction, and help in doing so.

Can anyone advise or relate?

Please DM me who you may have used privately

Watching and saving this thread as it's exactly what I was looking for OP. I'm on the waitlist for assessment for ADHD and Autism. After a lifetime of mental health issues (Depression, Anxiety, ED, Self harm) and quite a lot of therapy. Doing the screening for ADHD and ASD was an absolute eye opener. It was the first time anything actually felt true to self and like an explanation.

However, the main thing I was after was resources and guidance in the form of coaching / tools to help me manage better day to day and hopefully lessen the impact my various struggles have on my day to day life. I will certainly consider medication if I'm diagnosed, but ideally was hoping to build out better frameworks initially.

There's been a lot of resources listed on here (books, podcasts, Access to work) which I'd not come across yet so I'll be coming back to this after work to note down anything that I haven't yet tried. 😁 thanks so much for posting @Sporkle99 and for everyone who's shared resources that have helped them.

I’ve just been diagnosed at 55 by the NHS. ASC too. Like Curiosity101 I wanted coping strategies to improve life first but it doesn’t seem to work like that in our area. Medication is being pushed more. I’m in a bit of a state as scared of the meds and I think I’m frustrating them. They do ADHD therapy but say I have to be stable on meds first, they aren’t sure if I can have it without meds. Because of my age I’m worried about the implication of my age with medication and trying to weigh up if it’s worth it at my age.I think meds would help me,( organisation, procrastination , the loudness and noise in my brain,maybe anxiety)they do too but I’m just scared and wonder if I should just try restructuring my life. But worried about trying meds later without the support of the team. I don’t feel they’re really set up for older patients or those with ASC too. The anxiety of ASC doesn’t help.

Ive only ever done the therapy and never meds. You need it.

@OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide

I appreciate what you're saying, but that's just the tip of the iceberg with my mum. I'm not holding a grudge out of spite

These threads are frustrating -posters who ‘know’ they have adhd but don’t need medication as they are doing blah blah and working through their problems …..WHY? WHY???
If you’ve fixed your issues and have minor problems -great but why come onto a thread like this without describing your fixes for your adhd so we can all be cured!
Maybe you don’t have the same probs as the OP
We don’t tell depressed people to get outdoors and meditate . We say take an antidepressant.
I would say if you have adhd try medication. They’ve been used for decades, if it doesn’t help, after trying for a month or two, give it up. But do your best to see a psych.

If you are older buy a blood pressure monitor and check with before and and after meds recording of levels.
Doc will ask your levels and you can decide on whether there is an issue or not.

I didn't get on well with ritalin. Helped me focus but felt a bit 'wired'. It's very similar in composition to cocaine and apparently has a more profound effect on the brain - some neurotypical people take it to get high as it effects them differently.

I'm still not convinced of the long term effects of taking amphetamines daily tbh. They used to say it didn't have many long term effects but I also read a recent study which found middle aged women have a 45% higher chance of a stroke or cardiac event when starting it.

Only thing that worked for me was finding a square hole, so to speak, rather than trying to make myself into a round peg.

I drive trucks, operate heavy plant machinery etc, and I feel the continual restlessness actually helps me in not becoming complacent - I'm continually scanning the mirrors and 360° cameras.

Office jobs were stifling, even with medication, but I absolutely thrive in a high stimulation, hands on job.

@SpidersAreShitheads

It's a fairly common problem, especially via the NHS route as they don't use experts in neurodivergent women.

I am shocked and nervous reading that. I go for my assessment soon and I dread to think that I will get someone who isn’t maybe going to notice some traits and who will send me packing 😮‍💨

Oh bless you.

I think so much depends on how you present, whether you have co-existing conditions - such as autism - which can mask the presentation of ADHD. And even if the doctors don't specialise in neurodivergent women, that doesn't mean they're all terrible.

I would be lying to say they're all good. It's a mixed bag with some better than others in identifying traits in women.

I think all you can do is be really clear about your difficulties and make sure you mention everything you struggle with. Can you write a list to take in with you? Or take someone with you?

When is your assessment? Have you asked on local ND boards whether anyone has experience with the doctor you will be seeing?

Remember, you can challenge their opinion afterwards if it doesn't go to plan - that's why taking someone with you would be a really good idea.

Also though, you might be fine. Plenty of women DO get a diagnosis on the NHS so try not to worry about it too much 💐

I am
The same

I made a long post about how I was worried about taking medication as never even took Paracetamol but my adhd symptoms were so overwhelming I just completely understood that if it was going to help I would have took it! And it has so much, I did go in to detail about it , but struggling to write it again (foucs is more difficult in evening when medication wears off for day. ) so will try and come back to this post tomorrow in day.

I personally think if people who think they have adhd don't want medication I think maybe it isn't disabling enough for them, because i know from speaking to people and my own experience that adhd medication absolutely works and has changed my life. I use food to cope with the adhd and autism and ive lost stone so far habe lot to go. But that is my opnion and i might be wrong. I am interestingly going to speak to a adhd/autism coach next week but that is more whole family needs and not just mine as I also have realised I am autistic too. And my older daughter diagnosed autistic at 2 , my younger daughter has just been referred for adhd and autism assessment and my husband ks going through adhd assessment with NHS.

This is very ramblings and im sorry and probably doesn't make much sense but super tired as older daughter doesn't like to sleep ! Also dyslexic so that doesn't help writing! But wanted to put something down!

@ReginaRegina , my DS struggled massively at school, got expelled in the end, they really didn’t understand him. He is now working as an apprentice tree surgeon and doing well, he is also physically tired out and like you has to keep completely alert which he is good at. I said to him, is there anyone else there with ADHD? and he said yeah most of them 😀. So it’s very much about finding the right role. Incidentally he hates taking medication, will not do it now because of the raised heart rate and actually is angry with me for getting him assessed as a youngster, and getting prescribed elvanse which is basically an amphetamine. He thinks it’s irresponsible of doctors not to focus more on alternative ways of dealing with ADHD and just trying to medicate, especially with kids who are too young to have a choice.