ADHD in women

[Sporkle99]

I am convinced I have adhd. So is a close family member who is a GP of 35+ years and my manager who I'm fairly close with, and who used to work in a children with disabilities team (I know, adhd isn't always considered a disability by those who have it, it's more for context to show she's experienced).

Reasons I think I have it:

• I can't focus unless on boring tasks. I'm intelligent but really struggle to get anything done most days. I have to wait until I have a deadline tomorrow then I force myself to finish whatever it was.

• I am disorganised. I cannot keep my house clean. I never know where anything is. I lose my keys every day. I lose everything. I'm a jumbled mess.

• I can't listen. I zone out in meetings. It's painful. I can be talking to someone face to face but just cannot, cannot listen and take in what they are saying.

• I am so, so forgetful. I forget everything. Appointments. Responding to messages. Posting things. I forget everything. I tell myself to write it down when I get home, then forget to even do that.

• I'm shit with money, and ashamed of the fact.

• Im basically a useless mess whose mind is running on a motor but not in the way I want it to.

These are just a few things but I don't know what to do. I cannot afford a private assessment. I don't know if I can deal with the wait for an assessment. I need steering in the right direction, and help in doing so.

Can anyone advise or relate?

*I can't focus unless on exciting tasks

I can relate. My life is a mess as a result. But I spent years under CMHT and they never picked anything up... so I figure I am just a lazy bum.

I’ve just been diagnosed privately at 45. There’s a 6-9 year waiting list for diagnosis here.

almost everyone I’ve mentioned it to since the first suggestion at the start of this year has said that it’s completely obvious. I scored 9/9 on both sets of markers.

I found the ADHD 2.0 book helpful in getting to grips with the various facets.

its absolutely mind blowing to me that I never realised before. Quite an emotional rollercoaster. Look after yourself.

Thank you and well done for getting a diagnosis. People where I live are being told it could be 6 years or more. I'm not coping with it at all. I have read all the books, I've read everything online. I've tried so many tried and tested coping mechanisms. I'm desperate to try medication but.... 6 or more years....

Certainly sound a lot like me and I was diagnosed a few months ago. Can you go under the right to choose pathway where you are?

Yes but even psychiatry uk have now paused their incoming referrals. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to let me know!

Sounds very much like me. I've been on the NHS waitlist for over 3 years. After 18 months on the waitlist I contacted my GP to make sure if I went private that they would take me on via the 'Shared Care' agreement. My GP said yes, so I chose to go private and bit the bullet and paid £750 for an appointment and got a diagnosis. After a few months of me being on a stable dose of medication (which has been life changing!) my GP took me on and now prescribes me my meds on the NHS.

Technically I'm still on the NHS waitlist to get a diagnosis, but I'm just staying on to see if they ever actually contact me 🫤

I so wish I could afford private care.

They won’t do shared care here in Wales and we have no Right to Choose programme either.

My assessment was very thorough and only £450. I am worried about the costa of private titration and then private prescriptions. Paying £90 a month for a drug that costs the NHS £3 stings!

I’ve found the ADHD Adult podcasts an absolute game changer. Very accessible and realistic.

I can't even afford that even if I wasn't rubbish with money (high childcare fees and rent, plus am on my own). I'm also fed up.

You don’t need a diagnosis to apply to Access To Work for ADHD specific coaching or software to help you. I’ve been told they are really helpful. I’ve applied to them but only last week.

If it helps, my mum spent her life as a Special Educational Needs expert and didn’t spot it!

If you did get an ADHD diagnosis, what difference would it make to your life on a practical level as an adult? I know children who are diagnosed get extra support in schools for exams etc, but would having a formal diagnosis give you access to any specific support? (Other than medication.) My friend is paying £800 for a private ADHD assessment and I asked her the same question, but she wasn’t really sure.

I was going to suggest Psychiatry UK. I was dx 5 years ago but unmedicated as never got on with stimulants.

It is possible to get a handle on things, I know as I am doing it...things that help:

• eat sufficient protein, I try to eat 45g (min requirement for an adult) by midday, I function way better this way, the body will keep you snacking (and therefore mentally distracted) until you have had daily protein requirement.
• eat regularly every 2-3 hours
• I am much better on 6+ hours sleep
• a regular exercise routine, doesn't matter what but mon, weds, fri works great. Try and do some form of strength training too.
• walking daily
• cutting out sugar (game changer) , this was possible and sustainable as I upped my protein, and trying to eat well (complex carbs, lean protein, healthy fat, fibre, sufficient calories, try and avoid too much processed)

I found L Tyrosine to be helpful but it can affect serotonin levels and needs to be taken with 5HTP (but check 5HTP interactions with anything else). Also an antidepressant with is meant to help with focus and motivation is Vortioxetine.

Also check out Access to Work as they can offer strategies coaching.

Did you lean on your keyboard @PostMasting ?

Reasonable adjustments at work.

understanding my own brain and knowing that my difficulties aren’t because “I’m shit” or a “terrible person”. Knowledge is power.

being able to support my tween daughter, who has been diagnosed too.

disabled students allowance to enable me to finally finish my degree and improve my work prospects.

enabling my husband and friends to understand why I do certain things (and not others).

just off the top of my head.

I can relate. Only in the last year have I started to think I have undiagnosed ADHD, I wasn't aware of the symptoms until then. Thankfully my life is manageable so I'm not too severely affected but I think it would have been valuable knowing earlier because my mental health suffered massively growing up despite having a wonderful loving family and great friends.

1. Messy house, it's got better since I'm a parent but i just thought I was lazy. I just about manage to keep the main areas clean but it's honestly a struggle and the cupboards are absolutely full of shit that never gets sorted.

1. I lose everything, always have, I mean everything. Money, phone, keys, important documents, handbags, its always been a running joke among friends.

1. I cant follow directions or instructions, they may as well be speaking/written in a foreign language.

1. I buy online and don't return anything, I find returning stuff like a physical impossibility, I have good intentions and sometimes I even manage to get the stuff bagged up but it never goes back and its cost me around 2 grand since the start of the pandemic, possibly more (and I'm far from rich).

1. I procrastinate anything i find boring so I'm always rushing at the last minute.

1. I had a very rebellious streak growing up despite being raised in a happy home, I was in trouble from very young always pushing boundaries and chasing excitement. If I had a different upbringing I'd probably be in jail (thankfully I'm more mellow now!)

1. I hated how I looked growing up. I had severe body dismorphia and it led to an eating disorder and addiction issues all through my life. I've never felt good enough and always been unsure of my abilities while appearing confident.

1. I've always been a daydreamer could never focus in school.

1. I'm fairly intelligent, did well in my GCSEs despite doing no work, went back to do a levels but quit 2 months before the exams. Also starred a degree as an adult and quit after the first assignment.

10. I've never been able to hold down a job for long, I come from a family of well educated professionals but my jobs have always been minimum wage type or just above.

11. I'm really sensitive, I just pretend I'm not but I'm very easily hurt though I never ever cry.

There are more things I just can't remember quite off the top of my head, I am pretty amazing at remembering particular random dates and facts but shit at remembering appointments. I do try to write them in my phone calender now but I sometimes forget.

Since becoming a mum I've had huge regrets about not being more successful as i had a great start and support network but I've honestly started to forgive myself more recently as I believe I'm ND. It was a friend who has ADHD recognised some of the traits in me and thought I should be assessed. I manage life OK now so I probably won't seek a diagnosis.