ADHD in women

[Sporkle99]

I am convinced I have adhd. So is a close family member who is a GP of 35+ years and my manager who I'm fairly close with, and who used to work in a children with disabilities team (I know, adhd isn't always considered a disability by those who have it, it's more for context to show she's experienced).

Reasons I think I have it:

• I can't focus unless on boring tasks. I'm intelligent but really struggle to get anything done most days. I have to wait until I have a deadline tomorrow then I force myself to finish whatever it was.

• I am disorganised. I cannot keep my house clean. I never know where anything is. I lose my keys every day. I lose everything. I'm a jumbled mess.

• I can't listen. I zone out in meetings. It's painful. I can be talking to someone face to face but just cannot, cannot listen and take in what they are saying.

• I am so, so forgetful. I forget everything. Appointments. Responding to messages. Posting things. I forget everything. I tell myself to write it down when I get home, then forget to even do that.

• I'm shit with money, and ashamed of the fact.

• Im basically a useless mess whose mind is running on a motor but not in the way I want it to.

These are just a few things but I don't know what to do. I cannot afford a private assessment. I don't know if I can deal with the wait for an assessment. I need steering in the right direction, and help in doing so.

Can anyone advise or relate?

I wouldn't assume that. Many mental health professionals don't properly understand ADHD. People with ADHD are also often misdiagnosed as EUPD or depression/anxiety or bipolar. You need a proper assessment for ADHD if you think your symptoms might meet the criteria. BTW it's very common for people with ADHD to think they are lazy....or stupid. There's even a book on ADHD called "You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?"!!

I need this book! Have you read it? Is it any good?

I can relate to so many of these posts. It’s making me a bit tearful. I’m reading a sample of the book and am going to buy it

There's a couple of other right to choose options but some only diagnose not titrate medication so I assume would then need refering to local NHS service for that but it may help with student disability. I'm sure psychiatry-uk will reopen to referrals again at some point when they've reduced backlog although they've got a bit stricter about engagement & try to limit titration to 12wks.

Theres an updated RTC provider list in featured
https://www.facebook.com/groups/righttochoosesupport/

https://adhduk.co.uk/diagnosis-pathways/

I think a reliable diagnosis can be a reassuring life changing experience for adults, especially women. If you've gone through life being very bright and capable but constantly feeling you're getting overwhelmed, not living upto potential and just can't for the fucking life of you take information in the way others do, in the moment, due to over attending to other things in the environment!!

It's a positive thing for the adults I know because it gives self esteem back. You know when somethings wrong and when unable to say what it is due to bugger all info around until recently really wrecks confidence over time. Not being identified can cause major MH onset.

Who mentioned money? It's about validating something and accessing medication if needed.

@Sporkle99 A long time ago. I can't actually remember how good it was but a lot resonated with me. I'd actually recommend this book more for really helpful practical tips:

Organizing Solutions for People With ADHD: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized amzn.eu/d/3ZbWusz

Apart from the messy house everything you have listed applies to me. I don't have ADHD (assessed following DC diagnosis)

I think much of what you have listed applies to women of a certain age who are stressed and possibly menopausal/hormonal changes who are trying to juggle too many plates.

It's worth having bloods etc.. to rule other issues out first. It's the go to diagnosis atm and that can sometimes be dangerous. A friend of mine thought she had ADHD and was subsequently diagnosed privately only to find out what she really had was a thyroid disorder and once treated her 'ADHD' symptoms disappeared.

I'm not saying you don't have it. But it's best to keep an open mind.

Although your GP mate is experinced Gps are Gps you need a proper diagnosis. We have a family of Drs and Dentists and Pharmacists but I don't talk to a pharmacist about X problem when I should speak to the specialist Dr etc etc.. You get me.
Get a proper diagnosis and then the appropriate help.

I do agree with some of this post.

It's always a good idea to exclude any other common causes before jumping to a conclusion.

And because ADHD is such an on-trend subject right now, I'm aware that there's the risk of people jumping to conclusions. The difficulty with autism and ADHD is that some of the traits can be experienced by NT folk. This leaves it open to the whole "oh, everyone is a little bit ADHD because we're ALL like that." It's a really frustrating argument to have to battle against.

I think the key things here are the intensity of the symptoms. For example, losing things isn't unique to ADHD but literally, if I don't have a specific place to put something I have to walk around with it in my hand or else there's a very good chance it will be lost forever.

The ADHD symptoms can sound generic but it's the severity of the symptoms and the extent to which they disrupt your life. Regularly forgetting where you put your keys is not the same as losing every single thing you have and struggling to keep track of literally everything. All of the time. I can lose things without even getting up out of the chair or moving my feet!

The other thing is the constancy of the symptoms. If these symptoms are new, or just appear during the menopause, then it's unlikely to be ADHD.

While the menopause can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, they don't just appear out of the blue. It's one of the indicators for diagnosis - the symptoms have to be present since childhood and be omnipresent. A thyroid disorder or the menopause will present as new symptoms.

Last thing is the wide-ranging symptoms. Some people might tick off a few of the symptoms. They may even experience one or two of the symptoms to a significant degree. However, with ADHD you will have wide-ranging symptoms that cover a whole list of different aspects, it's not just isolated to one or two elements of the diagnostic criteria.

And all of this is why diagnosis is so bloody hard. Especially in women as our presentation can be very hard to spot. And please don't take this the wrong way, @Willyoujustbequiet but the fact you were assessed doesn't mean you don't have ADHD. If your child has it and you genuinely tick off all of the things on the ADHD list of symptoms that you mention, there is a very good chance that the person you saw just isn't expert enough in identifying the presentation in women. It's a fairly common problem, especially via the NHS route as they don't use experts in neurodivergent women.

I should probably add for clarity that I have ADHD and I'm also autistic, diagnosed in my 40s.

How are you with time-keeping OP? I couldn't see a reference to that (unless I missed it).

I also had 3-4 years of the therapy without anyone realising I had adhd - my teen daughter realised she had it and then I was later assessed and diagnosed.
I’m not medicated - follow the other strategies for adhd you don’t need to be diagnosed to do this.
adhd gets worse with hormones - I bet you are peri menopausal or menopausal - hrt has helped many people improve their adhd traits around this time.
also sleep very very important
plus look for the positives - my adhd brain when I am hyperfocising and thinking of the same thing but on many levels is brilliant at problem solving

I'm diagnosed and you sound just like me.

Life is difficult on a daily basis. I don't sleep, I'm either completely out there or hiding at home, it's exhausting.

I've been prescribed Ritalin but haven't started the titillation process yet.

My diagnosis took 6 months from gp visit, under right to choose.

We aren't designed for this fast pace world

Surely access to medication alone is enough of a reason to want to seek a diagnosis?

Thanks for all the responses, and also to those who are questioning as I do also question whether it actually is adhd. The person who is a gp and has suggested I look into an assessment is actually my step-father, not my mate, so he knows me incredibly well.

I have suffered with this all my life. I've been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety in the past but these never quite fitted, I saw an OCD specialist after years of trying medication from GP for them to then tell me that I don't really fit the OCD criteria and to consider that I may have something else like ADHD, but I ignored this because I had fixed ideas about what ADHS was. This was many years ago.

The main issue is in my mind. The chronic procrastination to the point that I'm in tears. The walking in circles trying ro get things done. The jumping from task to task. Being chronically late. Staring at walls instead of doing things, sometimes even choosing to do this instead of making food when I'm hungry. The feeling that I am smart and should be so much more accomplished. The poor working memory and inability to remember anything from the day before it regard to important information. It's like living in hell and i feel like I'm wasting my life.

This is why I would like an assessment. If I'm then told no, you don't have adhd, then fine I will accept that I'm just a bit useless but I need to at least find out.

I’m never going to be able to write or say titration without thinking of titillation now!!!