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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong?

147 replies

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:13

I share a 10 year old with my ex. Me and my ex were together for a very short period of time. Around 2 years and it was clear we would never work as we just didn't get on as a couple.

We haven't been together in 9 years and in that time he has had a serious relationship and other flings etc. Me and my ex have a very good co parenting relationship.

A few months ago me and one of my exes 'friends' ended up chatting online. He wasn't a good friend of my ex's. They hung out occasionally but they weren't like childhood friends etc. I met up with this guy once and then didn't see him again.

I have just received a text off my ex, basically this guy has told my ex everything and is offering him screen shots of our conversation. I'm sure he will conveniently leave out the sexts and nudes he was sending me.

My ex has just said it's all very odd and I have no idea why this guy has suddenly out of the blue decided to tell my ex this information.

However, AIBU to basically think I technically haven't done anything wrong? I can speak to who I like and we've been split up long enough that this shouldn't matter?

OP posts:
Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 17:16

Is anyone saying you have done anything wrong?

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 03/09/2023 17:17

Some people aren’t happy unless they’re stirring the pot.

Sounds like your ex doesn’t have a problem with it. More like a wtf is this guy on sort of thing?

Id be tempted to send the guy a message asking him what the objective was. After he replies block him and move on.

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 17:18

Id be tempted to send the guy a message asking him what the objective was. After he replies block him and move on.

no!! Don’t resume contact!!

Original poster
eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:19

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 17:16

Is anyone saying you have done anything wrong?

Well no but by the way my ex is texting I can tell he is annoyed at the least

OP posts:
Thementalloadisreal · 03/09/2023 17:21

Why not tell your ex that his “friend” was sending you nudes? If he’s that bothered, clearly he’s not a very good friend.
Neither of you have done anything wrong if it was consensual anyway.

ExtraOnions · 03/09/2023 17:23

If this “mutual friend “ shares any photos, videos or messages with a third party, without your consent, there is a good chance he has committed a criminal offence - I would make sure he knew that as a minimum.

BlastedPimples · 03/09/2023 17:25

What is your ex texting? What makes you think he gives a shit?

GabriellaMontez · 03/09/2023 17:29

You didn't do anything wrong at all. Technically or in any other way.

You don't need to explain or discuss with your ex. Literally none of his business.

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 17:29

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:19

Well no but by the way my ex is texting I can tell he is annoyed at the least

Show quote history

So shut this messaging down.

m Just say “it is irrelevant now. I have zero inclination to ever have contact with him again. Anyway, moving on - how’s your weekend been?

Lilly11a · 03/09/2023 17:35

Did you ever meet the friend ?

Are you 100% sure it wasn't your ex , pretending to be someone else to catch you out ?

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 17:35

Lilly11a · 03/09/2023 17:35

Did you ever meet the friend ?

Are you 100% sure it wasn't your ex , pretending to be someone else to catch you out ?

Yes she did once

Colourfulponderings · 03/09/2023 17:38

ExtraOnions · 03/09/2023 17:23

If this “mutual friend “ shares any photos, videos or messages with a third party, without your consent, there is a good chance he has committed a criminal offence - I would make sure he knew that as a minimum.

Exactly this.

KnickerlessParsons · 03/09/2023 17:41

You met a guy once and he has nude photos of you? 😮

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 03/09/2023 17:44

I don’t understand why your ex isn’t telling him to do one.

Original poster
eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:56

Messages from ex

Ex - Rob's been in touch and says that you and him were seeing each other and he has messages to prove it.

Me - seeing each other? I wouldn't say that. Why is he getting in touch with you about this, I haven't heard from him in months.

Ex - ah did you stop seeing him before or after he was round at your house? It's all very odd.

OP posts:
Thewizardbinbag · 03/09/2023 17:59

“I’m an adult. He’s an adult. We chatted for a bit and met up once. And haven’t spoken in months. You are right, it in indeed very odd that he is now coming to you about this, as if you’re my keeper. This has nothing to do with you and I’m incredibly angry that you even felt the need to come to me like I’ve done something wrong. No one has don’t anything wrong, other than Rob for threatening to air personal details. I’m sure you can appreciate how inappropriate and odd this whole thing from him is and you’ll back me up in telling him to pack it in and stop sharing private information.”

IncompleteSenten · 03/09/2023 18:00

text him so what? I'm single.

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 18:01

Yes it is odd

Anyway , how’s your weekend been and DS is feeling xyz about back to school tomorrow

job done.

don’t behave like year 10 exes

TeenLifeMum · 03/09/2023 18:01

I’d reply, yes, very odd you’d have any interest or opinion on anything I do.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2023 18:05

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:56

Messages from ex

Ex - Rob's been in touch and says that you and him were seeing each other and he has messages to prove it.

Me - seeing each other? I wouldn't say that. Why is he getting in touch with you about this, I haven't heard from him in months.

Ex - ah did you stop seeing him before or after he was round at your house? It's all very odd.

Perfectly acceptable from your ex.

He's letting you know this guy is messaging him and commenting the situ is odd. He isn't interrogating you about it or demanding you never talk to a man again, but I imagine reading sexts off your ex to your mate is a bit odd so he's entitled to be a bit eh??

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 18:09

Sounds like he’s concerned about this man in his child’s home

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 03/09/2023 18:09

It sounds like your ex is just saying it's odd this sort of friend is telling him and showing him messages?

No you've not done anything wrong.

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 18:09

And given what you say about him sending you nodes after meeting him just once…. Your ex is probs right to be concerned

nadine90 · 03/09/2023 18:10

Hmm, it does sound like your ex is pissed off by his tone. He has no right to be (at least not with you). I would reply something like “yes, it is odd that he thinks that’s your business and that you seem to think it is too”

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 03/09/2023 18:10

I mean it sort of comes across as if the guy you saw once is trying to shame or embarrass you. It is odd.