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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong?

147 replies

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:13

I share a 10 year old with my ex. Me and my ex were together for a very short period of time. Around 2 years and it was clear we would never work as we just didn't get on as a couple.

We haven't been together in 9 years and in that time he has had a serious relationship and other flings etc. Me and my ex have a very good co parenting relationship.

A few months ago me and one of my exes 'friends' ended up chatting online. He wasn't a good friend of my ex's. They hung out occasionally but they weren't like childhood friends etc. I met up with this guy once and then didn't see him again.

I have just received a text off my ex, basically this guy has told my ex everything and is offering him screen shots of our conversation. I'm sure he will conveniently leave out the sexts and nudes he was sending me.

My ex has just said it's all very odd and I have no idea why this guy has suddenly out of the blue decided to tell my ex this information.

However, AIBU to basically think I technically haven't done anything wrong? I can speak to who I like and we've been split up long enough that this shouldn't matter?

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 03/09/2023 19:16

Ex - ah did you stop seeing him before or after he was round at your house? It's all very odd.

Of course she stopped seeing AFTER he was round at her house.

He's being passive aggressive and is clearly pissed off. Albeit with no justification.

Theblacksheepandme · 03/09/2023 19:18

Did you meet him after the nudes and sexts? Did you ask for nudes? If you didn't ask for nudes and still met him then you are not making very good decisions. Did he meet you in your house while your child was home? I think your ex has a right to question these things. Far too many children are being harmed by new partners.

category12 · 03/09/2023 19:27

If you weren't with the ex at the time this was going on with his mate, then it's none of his business and the Rob-guy is a weirdo.

If you need to speak to your ex about it, you just say - "yeah, we saw each other for a bit, it didn't turn into anything and now he's being a fucking weirdo trying to involve you when it's not your concern who or whether I date. Has he always been such a stirrer?"

WeirdBarbie · 03/09/2023 19:34

I’d say overall it’s best practise to, in a world full of available men, avoid anyone with a friend connection to your ex.

That said, no, you did nothing wrong.

Original poster
eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 19:35

Theblacksheepandme · 03/09/2023 19:18

Did you meet him after the nudes and sexts? Did you ask for nudes? If you didn't ask for nudes and still met him then you are not making very good decisions. Did he meet you in your house while your child was home? I think your ex has a right to question these things. Far too many children are being harmed by new partners.

We were both sexting and sending nudes. And no my daughter was at her dads.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 03/09/2023 19:38

Tell your ex about the nudes (don't send them because it probably breaks the law) and then forget about it.

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 19:38

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 19:35

We were both sexting and sending nudes. And no my daughter was at her dads.

Show quote history

Why were you sending him nudes??

TolkiensFallow · 03/09/2023 19:39

You haven’t done anything wrong. The guy is a stirrer and he’s out of order wanting to send the texts to your ex. If he shares the nudes I’d report it to the police.

Brefugee · 03/09/2023 19:41

also: i can't believe we have to say this to women in this day and age but sending nudes to ANYONE is too stupid for words

MushMonster · 03/09/2023 19:46

You have done something silly: sending nudes. Seriously, why?
Otherwise, nothing there.
I do not read any annoyance in your ex's message, not directed at you. But it is rather weird that this guy has told him and offer to show "proof", as your ex says indeed.
I think if I were you, I would block him. There is something off with him.

dapsnotplimsolls · 03/09/2023 19:46

Whose decision was it not to meet again? If it was yours then I think you have your answer.

Starseeking · 03/09/2023 19:47

You haven't done anything wrong, other than not shutting the conversation done with your ex immediately. It's none of his business who you do/don't have an adult relationship with.

Starseeking · 03/09/2023 19:47

*not shutting the conversation down

babyproblems · 03/09/2023 19:48

of course you’ve done nothing wrong!!!
is your ex actually saying you have done anything wrong or is it possible he’s sharing this with you so you see the ‘friend’ for the twat that he clearly is!!? What a blessing he’s shown his true colours so early and to the one person who has shared it with you!! How stupid is he honestly. X

justasking111 · 03/09/2023 19:51

@eeekkeee are you worried that this man will show these pictures to your ex, friends, employers, family??

CherryMaDeara · 03/09/2023 19:51

What Rob is doing is illegal.

I’d tell him that you will be contacting the police for alluding that he will be sharing pictures of you.

He will shit his pants.

Alwaystired2023 · 03/09/2023 20:02

Oh gosh no you haven't done anything wrong! Men are weird but it sounds like you have a good relationship with your ex and hopefully you can just forget this

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/09/2023 20:21

When will anyone learn; just because you can send nudes doesn’t mean you should 🙄

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 03/09/2023 20:32

no nudes EVER! learn that lesson please people

WhatWhereWho · 03/09/2023 20:35

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:13

I share a 10 year old with my ex. Me and my ex were together for a very short period of time. Around 2 years and it was clear we would never work as we just didn't get on as a couple.

We haven't been together in 9 years and in that time he has had a serious relationship and other flings etc. Me and my ex have a very good co parenting relationship.

A few months ago me and one of my exes 'friends' ended up chatting online. He wasn't a good friend of my ex's. They hung out occasionally but they weren't like childhood friends etc. I met up with this guy once and then didn't see him again.

I have just received a text off my ex, basically this guy has told my ex everything and is offering him screen shots of our conversation. I'm sure he will conveniently leave out the sexts and nudes he was sending me.

My ex has just said it's all very odd and I have no idea why this guy has suddenly out of the blue decided to tell my ex this information.

However, AIBU to basically think I technically haven't done anything wrong? I can speak to who I like and we've been split up long enough that this shouldn't matter?

From what you posted your ex did not say that you had done anything wrong or sound annoyed thoughdid he? It reads as he's saying it's a bit odd the guy's telling him this.

VeronicaSawyer89 · 03/09/2023 20:37

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 19:35

We were both sexting and sending nudes. And no my daughter was at her dads.

Show quote history

I'd message your ex back and ask if he'd like to see all the nudes and dick pics his "friend" sent you.

WhatWhereWho · 03/09/2023 20:37

Oh and if the guy's sharing your nudes go to the police. That would seem to be the main concern.

PoppyTries · 03/09/2023 20:39

Thewizardbinbag · 03/09/2023 17:59

“I’m an adult. He’s an adult. We chatted for a bit and met up once. And haven’t spoken in months. You are right, it in indeed very odd that he is now coming to you about this, as if you’re my keeper. This has nothing to do with you and I’m incredibly angry that you even felt the need to come to me like I’ve done something wrong. No one has don’t anything wrong, other than Rob for threatening to air personal details. I’m sure you can appreciate how inappropriate and odd this whole thing from him is and you’ll back me up in telling him to pack it in and stop sharing private information.”

This is the perfect response

ClairDeLaLune · 03/09/2023 20:41

You sent nudes to a guy you’d met ONCE??!! Wtaf???? Don’t do that again OP, it’s a really bad idea.

JudgeRudy · 03/09/2023 20:53

No one knows for sure what each of their motives are/were but you don't really have to bother about anything either of them say or do. You owe no explanation and you're not emotionally entangled with either.

But....ha ha...in your position I'd still want to know. Here's my guess. By chance your ex and chancer bumped into each other. Ex said something about child/speaking with you and chancery blurted out that he'd been round your house. He did this because he showing off in front of ex and he's secretly chuffed because he's punching. Ex is shocked n rather than go all laddish and 'admire' his mates pulling power (get in there), he's gone all serious and possessive. Chancer now wants to make out it was sooooo casual (even though he'd love to date you) and even has texts to prove it was just banter.....and yes of course he'll be selective in what he shares. What he doesn't realise is that despite you and your ex splitting up (and def not wanting to get back together) you are his child's mother and he has respect for you. Your ex is being protective. He might even mansplain some flirting techniques men use (which you know). Chances just that. He shot himself in the foot by oversharing. Who knows one night when you were in the right frame of mind you could have had some fun. Not now!