Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong?

147 replies

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:13

I share a 10 year old with my ex. Me and my ex were together for a very short period of time. Around 2 years and it was clear we would never work as we just didn't get on as a couple.

We haven't been together in 9 years and in that time he has had a serious relationship and other flings etc. Me and my ex have a very good co parenting relationship.

A few months ago me and one of my exes 'friends' ended up chatting online. He wasn't a good friend of my ex's. They hung out occasionally but they weren't like childhood friends etc. I met up with this guy once and then didn't see him again.

I have just received a text off my ex, basically this guy has told my ex everything and is offering him screen shots of our conversation. I'm sure he will conveniently leave out the sexts and nudes he was sending me.

My ex has just said it's all very odd and I have no idea why this guy has suddenly out of the blue decided to tell my ex this information.

However, AIBU to basically think I technically haven't done anything wrong? I can speak to who I like and we've been split up long enough that this shouldn't matter?

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 03/09/2023 20:57

ClairDeLaLune · 03/09/2023 20:41

You sent nudes to a guy you’d met ONCE??!! Wtaf???? Don’t do that again OP, it’s a really bad idea.

OP didn’t ask for your opinion on sending nudes did she?
Plenty of people send nudes before meeting. Some do it for money. OP is an adult and capable of weighing up the pros and cons before sending nudes.
Keep your prudish, judgey opinions to yourself.

poetryandwine · 03/09/2023 21:02

I agree with @PoppyTries that @Thewizardbinbag has a good sample reply for you to work from.

Rob is making trouble and being an arse as well as threatening something illegal. But to me your ex is asking questions that are none of his business. His only valid concern is that your DC wasn’t around if Rob stayed over.

Truemilk · 03/09/2023 21:04

The friend was probably boasting to your ex about you sexting, men are weird

CherryMaDeara · 03/09/2023 21:06

Truemilk · 03/09/2023 21:04

The friend was probably boasting to your ex about you sexting, men are weird

’Weird’ is minimising it.

If he’s planning on distributing private sexual images of OP then this is a criminal offence and illegal.

MightySprout · 03/09/2023 21:09

ttcat37 · 03/09/2023 20:57

OP didn’t ask for your opinion on sending nudes did she?
Plenty of people send nudes before meeting. Some do it for money. OP is an adult and capable of weighing up the pros and cons before sending nudes.
Keep your prudish, judgey opinions to yourself.

Show quote history

Why are there so many cool girls on MN at the moment? Its like it's been infiltrated with mens rights activists.

It's not "prudish" to not want to send nudes to someone, its just basic common sense 🙄

LondonLovie · 03/09/2023 21:13

CherryMaDeara · 03/09/2023 19:51

What Rob is doing is illegal.

I’d tell him that you will be contacting the police for alluding that he will be sharing pictures of you.

He will shit his pants.

This. Rob sounds like a dick.. lucky escape.. and sounds like you have his dick pics to prove it... !

Anyport · 03/09/2023 21:17

He is just messing with your head and your relationship with your ex.

Ffsmakeitstop · 03/09/2023 21:18

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:56

Messages from ex

Ex - Rob's been in touch and says that you and him were seeing each other and he has messages to prove it.

Me - seeing each other? I wouldn't say that. Why is he getting in touch with you about this, I haven't heard from him in months.

Ex - ah did you stop seeing him before or after he was round at your house? It's all very odd.

I would just reply to ex asking what the hell it has to do with him. Not his business who you see or do whatever with.

Theblacksheepandme · 03/09/2023 21:21

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 19:35

We were both sexting and sending nudes. And no my daughter was at her dads.

Show quote history

What would you say to your daughter in 10 years time if she was sending nude pics to a guy she barely knows?

Original poster
eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 21:42

@Theblacksheepandme I'd say 'make sure your face isn't in it'.

OP posts:
Exdonkeylover · 03/09/2023 21:47

Sounds like Rob is out to cause trouble. God knows why. Maybe your ex is miffed / annoyed more at Rob than you for being dragged into it all.

I'm with the others that he needs to be warned about sharing personal photos of you.

Or I'd be a bitch and tell him I'll share his if that's his attitude.

bongopow · 03/09/2023 21:54

I don't think he sounds annoyed but I'd reply assuming he's not either way. Don't respond defensively. You've done nothing wrong and replying as if you're worried he might be angry will not help your case. If you reply as if he obviously wouldn't be angry about something so ridiculous then it's harder for him to escalate and have a go at you.

"We met up while I was seeing him but I haven't heard from him in months. That is indeed odd. No idea why he would be sharing that with you. Thanks for letting me know though. Hope you've had a nice weekend. DD was very happy we have finally had some sun! See you next week."

bongopow · 03/09/2023 22:18

I meant messaging him rather than seeing him but you get the idea.

Don't share his nudes, threaten to or even allude to the possibility that it could ever even be a thing. If he shares yours go to the police.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/09/2023 23:37

MightySprout · 03/09/2023 21:09

Why are there so many cool girls on MN at the moment? Its like it's been infiltrated with mens rights activists.

It's not "prudish" to not want to send nudes to someone, its just basic common sense 🙄

Show quote history

It's MRAs who would victim-blame the woman for sending nudes. "Shouldn't send them if you don't want them shared/uploaded" is MRA logic.

Feminists believe that the man is solely to blame if he distributes them further, even if we acknowledge that sending them in the first place isn't wise.

It wasn't so long ago that photo studios offered boudoir sessions and marketed them to wives as anniversary gifts for their husbands.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/09/2023 23:38

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 21:42

@Theblacksheepandme I'd say 'make sure your face isn't in it'.

Or any identifiable birthmarks, scars, or similar.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/09/2023 23:42

bongopow · 03/09/2023 21:54

I don't think he sounds annoyed but I'd reply assuming he's not either way. Don't respond defensively. You've done nothing wrong and replying as if you're worried he might be angry will not help your case. If you reply as if he obviously wouldn't be angry about something so ridiculous then it's harder for him to escalate and have a go at you.

"We met up while I was seeing him but I haven't heard from him in months. That is indeed odd. No idea why he would be sharing that with you. Thanks for letting me know though. Hope you've had a nice weekend. DD was very happy we have finally had some sun! See you next week."

"Seeing him" is overstating it.

"We met up once and flirted online for a bit but I haven't heard from him in months..." is the only alteration I'd make to that response suggestion.

bongopow · 03/09/2023 23:43

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia yes you're right. Seeing him wasn't the right phrasing. What you said would work better.

BrawnWild · 03/09/2023 23:49

I'd say "its incredibly odd, thanks for the heads up. Let me know if he Carrie's on trying to drag you into it, I'd hate to think he is showing off personal messages and if it looks like he is then I'll be speaking to the police to see what can be done about it"

It indicates that

  • you are pretending you think he is helpful but are not prepared to comment further
  • if he asks about the messages or says any more on it then he might worry about opening himself up to police enquiries so he will be well advised to butt out.
  • it doesnt answer his question and closes it down and he cant ask more without looking like a nosy sod.
Pallisers · 03/09/2023 23:58

I wouldn't have this conversation over text at all.

My dd (now 23) told me 5 years ago that she just picks up the phone and calls her friends if there is any text confusion/worry/angst.

Pick up the phone and talk to the other parent of your child. Stop worrying about how you phrase things. Just ask him why he texted you what he did. and tell him what happened.

The amount of posts about how exactly to text or phrase the text here is amazing (to an old person like me). The OP shares a child with the other person. There is no abuse or anything like that. Just pick up the phone and talk to each other.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 04/09/2023 00:22

@eeekkeee out of curiosity, was it your choice not to see this guy again/did you reject him?

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/09/2023 00:25

I would text your ex and say your issue is with your friend, not me. Then send him the unedited version of the texts nudes etc.

poetryandwine · 04/09/2023 02:03

Don’t send nudes of anyone else to your ex, OP! It is a legal minefield. @AngryGreasedSantaCatcus has an excellent question for you.

Theblacksheepandme · 04/09/2023 05:58

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/09/2023 23:38

Or any identifiable birthmarks, scars, or similar.

Show quote history

Such good parenting tips.

Brefugee · 04/09/2023 06:15

MightySprout · 03/09/2023 21:09

Why are there so many cool girls on MN at the moment? Its like it's been infiltrated with mens rights activists.

It's not "prudish" to not want to send nudes to someone, its just basic common sense 🙄

Show quote history

It's not even that. It is sending nudes then worrying someone will share them. Assume that from the outset and you'll have the answer (for yourself) if it's a good idea

Strawberryboost · 04/09/2023 06:23

You say you have a good relationship with your ex for many years

this other chap is clearly odd and your ex knows it

You seem very naive (sending nudes to a man you met once) and your ex knows it

to me the message exchange reads he’s worried about someone he knows to be odd being in his child’s house with his naive ex

Swipe left for the next trending thread