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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong?

147 replies

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:13

I share a 10 year old with my ex. Me and my ex were together for a very short period of time. Around 2 years and it was clear we would never work as we just didn't get on as a couple.

We haven't been together in 9 years and in that time he has had a serious relationship and other flings etc. Me and my ex have a very good co parenting relationship.

A few months ago me and one of my exes 'friends' ended up chatting online. He wasn't a good friend of my ex's. They hung out occasionally but they weren't like childhood friends etc. I met up with this guy once and then didn't see him again.

I have just received a text off my ex, basically this guy has told my ex everything and is offering him screen shots of our conversation. I'm sure he will conveniently leave out the sexts and nudes he was sending me.

My ex has just said it's all very odd and I have no idea why this guy has suddenly out of the blue decided to tell my ex this information.

However, AIBU to basically think I technically haven't done anything wrong? I can speak to who I like and we've been split up long enough that this shouldn't matter?

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 03/09/2023 18:11

You have done anything wrong. At all.

The guy is a douche. Block him and ignore in future.

Who you see is none of your ex's business. If your ex comments, make that clear to him.

Whatnowfgs · 03/09/2023 18:15

Sounds like you had a lucky escape there with this guy.

I would just shut the conversation with the ex down.

You have done nothing wrong.

AgnesX · 03/09/2023 18:21

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:56

Messages from ex

Ex - Rob's been in touch and says that you and him were seeing each other and he has messages to prove it.

Me - seeing each other? I wouldn't say that. Why is he getting in touch with you about this, I haven't heard from him in months.

Ex - ah did you stop seeing him before or after he was round at your house? It's all very odd.

Doesn't sound annoyed, more baffled about why this guy has been in touch on the subject.

I get the impression that your man's pal is exactly the opposite.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 03/09/2023 18:25

To weird friend: "No idea why you're attempting to shit stir with A, but do stop it. He's as confused as I am."

To ex: "I'll tell him to fuck off. No idea why he's bothering you with this when it's none of your concern."

Then don't discuss it any more.

Daffodil18 · 03/09/2023 18:27

You need to contact this guy and find out what he is trying to achieve. It’s very strange that he has done that. Your ex doesn’t sound angry but he’s probably wondering why this guy is contacting him with this information. The other guy sounds like a right weirdo.

Hawkins0009 · 03/09/2023 18:27

@eeekkeee can you be sure that its not just your ex fishing and saying that so and so is doing x ?

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 03/09/2023 18:30

It is a bit odd. No, you haven't done anything wrong but it's weird that you slept with your ex's friend

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 18:31

Daffodil18 · 03/09/2023 18:27

You need to contact this guy and find out what he is trying to achieve. It’s very strange that he has done that. Your ex doesn’t sound angry but he’s probably wondering why this guy is contacting him with this information. The other guy sounds like a right weirdo.

No, you don’t need to do any such thing re the odd guy

BadHairBae · 03/09/2023 18:36

Nope. Done nothing wrong here.

His 'friend' sounds like an utter arse. Good riddance.

jannier · 03/09/2023 18:37

Lilly11a · 03/09/2023 17:35

Did you ever meet the friend ?

Are you 100% sure it wasn't your ex , pretending to be someone else to catch you out ?

I'm sure the nude shots would have been a give away

godmum56 · 03/09/2023 18:39

I am wondering why your first reaction is "technically I didn't do anything wrong"?

slobro · 03/09/2023 18:45

You met him once? Or slept with him once? I'm confused by this! Either way none of your ex's business.

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 18:46

I think he was concerned about this chap in his child’s home because he already knew he was a bit odd

i think the op was hoping we would all say “oh he clearly still adores you op”

Thementalloadisreal · 03/09/2023 18:48

Maybe the friend isn’t happy with how things ended between you and has gone to your ex as a sort of revenge?

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 03/09/2023 18:48

I would reply what @Thewizardbinbag said 👌

Original poster
eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 18:51

Strawberryboost · 03/09/2023 18:46

I think he was concerned about this chap in his child’s home because he already knew he was a bit odd

i think the op was hoping we would all say “oh he clearly still adores you op”

Eh? Confused

OP posts:
NalafromtheLionKing · 03/09/2023 18:54

I think you are basically obliged to send your ex the nudes sent to you by the shitstirrer now 🤣

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 03/09/2023 18:55

NalafromtheLionKing · 03/09/2023 18:54

I think you are basically obliged to send your ex the nudes sent to you by the shitstirrer now 🤣

I'm sure you're joking, but that's definitely illegal.

Saltybanana · 03/09/2023 19:06

@ExtraOnions came on to say this. I’d let your ex know that you’re letting the Police know that his friend is illegally distributing sexual material without your consent.

Wildhorses2244 · 03/09/2023 19:08

I don’t think that your ex is being unreasonable here - he sounds bemused rather than angry.

Id reply with something like “Yes, odd and a little uncomfortable that he’s texting you. Can you ask him to stop? “

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/09/2023 19:08

eeekkeee · 03/09/2023 17:56

Messages from ex

Ex - Rob's been in touch and says that you and him were seeing each other and he has messages to prove it.

Me - seeing each other? I wouldn't say that. Why is he getting in touch with you about this, I haven't heard from him in months.

Ex - ah did you stop seeing him before or after he was round at your house? It's all very odd.

Sounds like he's trying to check you're OK/give you a heads up that this Rob is a complete prick in case you're still seeing him/being blackmailed.

Think your ex is more pissed off at the creepy bloke, not with you.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/09/2023 19:11

KnickerlessParsons · 03/09/2023 17:41

You met a guy once and he has nude photos of you? 😮

Read the OP. He was sending nudes to her.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/09/2023 19:12

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 03/09/2023 18:30

It is a bit odd. No, you haven't done anything wrong but it's weird that you slept with your ex's friend

Where did she say that she slept with him?

Scousefab · 03/09/2023 19:13

Oh dear god sounds like you dodged a bullet with this other bloke he sounds like a right stirrer. I would thank your ex he’s trying to make sure you know this guy is a loser. Think that’s quite nice of him to be honest.

Epidote · 03/09/2023 19:15

You have done nothing wrong.
Your ex have done nothing wrong.
The Rob guy is a creep and a weirdo.