Am I expected to spend maintenance on only DD?

[CMonFoodandTreats]

DD is 9, and I split from her dad just before her 3rd birthday so almost 7 years ago now.

He pays me £160 a month maintenance.

I use it to buy food for both of us plus treats, I do the shopping fortnightly so £80 a fortnight. So I’ve bought myself some icecream, biscuits and my favourite wine and DD chose some biscuits, some chocolate bars and her favourite fizzy orange pop with hers. Some weeks we don’t spend anything on treats as we have them so I save it and it rolls over to the next fortnight.

I don’t buy these treats until all fruit, vegetables, meat, fish and any ingredients for meals have been either purchased or budgeted for from that money and use whatevers left to buy the treats (I prefer to buy certain vegetables fresh the day of or day before I use it, yes I know it’s slightly more expensive that way).

I work PT, and ExH has DD for 24 hours a fortnight. Never gives her a proper meal – usually just cereal for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch – which I’m not bothered about, DDs contact with her dad is more important than a meal. But my job covers all other bills including phone bill and broadband. I am not in any debts and I don’t claim anything except Child Benefit as my wage plus CM is enough for us to live on.

My dad has just told me he thinks it’s wrong I spend maintenance on food/treats, that if it was the other way round I wouldn’t want DDs money being used to buy him treats. Actually I wouldn’t care, as long as DD is fed, clothed, had a roof over her head and got to do all compulsory school trips I really wouldn’t mind. She’s far from hard done by with me buying my own food and treats from “her” money. She never goes without, I’ve just spent over £200 on a residential with school and she’s going off on a camp with Scouts after Christmas.

She eats incredibly well, quite a balanced diet according to her paediatrician (she has a genetic condition) and she’s a healthy weight, a bit small for her age but that’s her condition and not what she’s being fed (according to Paeds, I have no idea how they can tell its condition related and not food related).

Dad says its wrong and I should be made to spend CM only on DD. And he thinks ExH would be angry if he found out it pays our food bill each month.

So I said I’d ask on here? So who is BU?

YANBU – You’re fine
YABU – You shouldn’t use it for food and it should only be spent on DD

It's absolutely fine OP. Ignore your dad!

It's just money.... put it towards your rent/mortgage.
Now you have £160 more of your own money left... spend it on what you want :)

Your dad sounds exhausting. Ignore him. Also, why does your father know how you’re parsing your child support money? Do you share the details of your finances with your father that closely? Why? I would work on boundaries with your dad, he doesn’t need to know such details about your finances. At all.

What's the price difference between a one bedroom flat and a 2 bedroom house? That's where the maintenance goes. How much does your daughter 'cost you' in heating, hot water, uniform, clothes, food, toys, books, trips, school trips, holidays, hair cuts etc? Maintenance goes towards that not your treats 🤷‍♀️

FFS. I'd be tempted to work out how much you spend on dd in a month on clothes extra cuticular, food, electricity etc. obviously you spend more than €160 on her. He's being an eejit. Our CB goes into my account and it's my "money" to spend and dh gets equal spending money but it's purely accounting. The "extra" money cb brings to the overall budget means extra curricular etc for the kids it just comes from the joint account and the cb gets paid into mine. It doesn't mean we spend cb on my haircuts and coffees instead of raising the kids.

Your dad can butt out. You're spending it on food, not new handbags and nights out clubbing. The way you spend it sounds completely reasonable to me.

Tell your dad that maintenance us going on rent, school uniforms etc and you’re spending your money on treats.

Your dad is an idiot. It’s none of his business, but I imagine you are spending way more than that on:
an extra bedroom
utilities
clothing
school expenses
food

It doesn’t matter. You could just as well say half of it goes on her food, some goes on clothes and some goes on her activities or a day out.

Spend it on what you like for you and your dd.

It's money that goes into your household budget. It costs a lot more than £320 a month to maintain a child so you are not required to account for where that specific £160 goes!

Sorry, your dad's a prat.
It's your money, spend it how you like.

People don't usually ring-fence it - the money goes ibnto a central household pot to help offset the costs of raising a child.

Your dad is talking utter nonsense.

I wouldn’t have it in your mind that you’re spending it on ice cream for yourself and you don’t need to say that to your dad!

She doesn’t have to tell her dad anything about her finances. This isn’t 1940 or Afghanistan.

To be honest I'd tell your dad it's none of his business
It's perfectly fine as all money goes into your pot to budget with

I think you Dad is clueless...as he is so judgemental just tell him that £40 per week covers your Exs share of food, clothes,school, clubs etc.

Quite

Pretty certain you're spending more than £160 a month on housing, bills, and clothing for your DD. The treats you buy aren't bought with the maintainence, they're bought with the money you have left after you've budgetted for everything else.

Do you live with your dad? He sounds totally over involved. Even if your dad is paying your living expenses you’re still buying her clothes, toys, shoes, hobbies, toiletries, school trips and equipment and everything else she needs out of that £160 a month

My child support money went in the pot with all other household income. Not unreasonable at all OP

As long as you spend 160 a month on your DD, it doesn't have to be that 160 a month. There is 160 allocated to expenses related to her - but I am not sure why your dad thinks it is an issue. The food you are spending on treats for yourself is not her CM. It is money you earned. Which specific monies get spent on what is irrelevant. You are putting 160 a month towards your daughter (clothes, school, food, extracurriculars etc)/

It gets added to your bank account and you spend it on her living costs. Rent/heating/food/school trips. You don't have to just allocate every single penny to her and keep it seperate from your account that's just bizarre.

It goes towards all household costs, which are higher due to having a child.

Your dad is BU.

Maintenance goes to household bills rent, electric food etc....how would anybody know which £1 went on chocolate ?