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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what mumsnet post lives rent free in your head?

893 replies

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 14:20

Just for fun.

Mine is the woman who posted for advice about what to do about her husband who was talking to their cat really sensually. Not baby talk but like sensuous loving ”ooh your fur is so good my darling pussycat” and it gave her the absolute ick.

Every time I talk to my dog I remember her and chuckle. I wonder how she’s doing 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Dentaldrama · 02/09/2023 18:56

One where a woman fled her husband and a kind Mumsnetter took in her dogs.

One about a family on holiday who switched locations in the middle of the night because of neighbours (I think!)

A recent one about Ginny (desperate for an update there!)

AhhSlippedOnMahBeansRitaaa · 02/09/2023 18:57

Lovelybeansfromnextdoor · 02/09/2023 16:15

There was one woman with the words protection and coats in her username.

I would love to know how her life is now. I hope she is extremely well.

Coats protection league? I always think of that thread too and hope they got out safely.

eldorado02 · 02/09/2023 18:57

“Speak for bonkself” makes me laugh whenever I think of it

LadyOfTheCanyon · 02/09/2023 18:58

Hedge sex where someone suggested the noise might be due to badgers or similar and the OP replied that as far as she knew badgers don't generally ask for 'a finger up the bum'

Your Minge was just 😘👌🏼

The woman who found a pile of cash in her hedge - later found to be a troll

The woman who started dating her gardener and was basically live blogging her dates from the toilet - same troll as hedge money troll

Savernake forest - amazingly good writing but pretty sure she confessed it was made up somewhere down the line. Still think of it a lot though!

I'm clearly a sucker for a troll thread.

Suzie Quatro's fat nan- tremendous thread.

The ( still active) thread in Sporner's Corner about the grimmest thing your body has produced.

PhantomUnicorn · 02/09/2023 18:59

the funny one i remember partly was the one who had a joint of beef randomly appear in her garden.

Can't recall if they ever figured out where it came from.

I think there was another where they were fed up of the noise of a church that had set up shop in a house nearby and were sick of the noise from it.

Pottyberry · 02/09/2023 19:00

cushioncovers · 02/09/2023 14:45

Tiny wanker instead of whiney tinker. Said by a mum to her toddler in a doctors surgery waiting room

Just remembered Tiny Wanker! Really made me laugh 😂 thank you @cushioncovers

Circleoffifths · 02/09/2023 19:00

There was a poster who was describing her experience of abuse as a child and she wrote about how her brother would receive Christmas presents but not her. And how her parents would make her sit at the dinner table on Christmas Day in front of an empty plate whilst the rest of the family had lunch. That actually made me cry and I still think about that post.

MysteryBelle · 02/09/2023 19:01

QuestionableMouse · 02/09/2023 14:51

Here you go

Warning: it's very long (sorry) and very freaky, and if anyone can come up with a rational explanation I'd be extremely grateful because I'm generally a pretty rational non-woo where's-the-evidence person, but I've never been able to explain this and it still makes my heart beat faster and the hair stand up on my arms when I think about it, years later.

I was pet sitting for my friend several years ago. She had moved into a sort of small holding right on the edge of a village in the SW, with a huge garden that backed onto trees. At the time she had a right menagerie - chickens, ducks, a couple of Shetlands, cats and four black retrievers, three fully grown and one a half grown puppy. Originally DH had been going to come with me as a little holiday but the dates she ended up having to go away for work clashed with a couple of his medical appointments so he stayed at home with our dog and I went to petsit alone.

It was about halfway through my stay, a couple of nights to go. Late evening, already dark when I heard a massive commotion from the chicken shed, banging and thumping. I assumed a fox or something had got in so went out to check. As I was halfway across the garden the noise stopped instantly as if it had been shut off; by the time I got to the shed all was calm and the chickens were all settled, mostly asleep. No sign of any intruder or disturbance at all, nothing to explain the noise or any indication that the chickens had made a noise. Bit freaky but I didn't (and still don't) know much about The Way of Chicken so I locked up again and left them to it.

As I went back in the house a small black shape ran past me out of the back door and I realised the puppy must have got out. It streaked across the garden and off towards the woods. Cue much cursing, then calling her name in vain. More cursing when she didn't come back. I grabbed a torch and put one of the other dogs on the lead, partly for protection, partly because I thought the pup was more likely to come back if I had one of her canine companions with me and partly because I didn't fancy my chances of finding my way back to the house on my own even though there were a couple of vague paths that I'd followed when walking the dogs throughout the week.

Off we trudged into the wood along one of these paths, me calling pup's name at intervals and trying not to imagine murderers and rapists behind every tree trunk. We got to a point where it felt like the trees were starting to thin out and I remember thinking that I didn't remember a clearing on this path and we must have gone wrong somewhere when the dog with me slowed right down and started to resist going forward. I tried to jolly her along - while my stomach suddenly dropped like a stone - and she started growling, a really low serious rumbling growl. By this time I was practically shitting myself. I tried shining the torch ahead but the beam just sort of bounced back off the darkness if that makes sense? I got the sense of something - or somethings - moving but just sinuous deeper black shapes against the blackness and always on the periphery of vision. (The hairs on my arms are standing up again just remembering how completely and utterly terrified I was. I have honestly never known a feeling like it.)

At this point the dog sank right down, still growling, hackles up and refused to budge. I muttered something like "Jesus, you have got to be kidding me" and this ugly gurgling inhuman sort of voice hissed, right up close as if someone was right next to me "don't say that name". At the same time there was a horrible snickering sort of laugh. I cant express how utterly petrified I was. I can't remember having any coherent thoughts apart from the word "evil". That's the only clear thing I can remember. Me and the dog were frozen to the spot with pure fear. Then a different voice, really commanding, said "GO. BACK." That sounded more in my head but echoey, where the others had sounded out in the air IYSWIM?

Wherever it came from it did the trick. Me & the dog turned and belted back through the woods. She basically towed me, I just clung onto her lead stumbling to keep up and sobbing with fear. I lost the torch somewhere on that wild run but there was no way I was stopping to find it. How I didn't run blindly into a tree I'll never know, she guided me I guess. I can remember thinking desperately that I mustn't let go of her lead or "they" would get me.

When we got back to the garden she suddenly stopped - I did fall over her this time, onto my hands and knees - turned around and started snarling, proper teeth bared, rabid-looking snarls, back at the trees and the darkness. I thought I heard the snickering again but the blood was pounding in my ears so hard I can't be sure. I scrambled up and ran to the back door and she followed me but backing and snarling all the way as if holding something at bay. Oh, and the chicken shed was banging and thumping again. I got the back door open, me and her belted in, I slammed home every bolt behind us. The other dogs left behind were staring at the door and growling too with their hackles up and when I saw all three of them, puppy included, acting like that I started to cry properly because I honestly thought I was trapped in some horror film nightmare and was going to die. I don't know - I still don't know - what the black shape was that ran past me out of the house and triggered all of this because the puppy was right there in the kitchen.

Anyway I made sure every door and window was locked and bolted, I turned on every light in the house, I wandered round mumbling all sorts of weird half-religious half-spiritual shit to ward off evil spirits. Gradually the dogs settled down and stopped growling, and eventually stopped glancing at the door. Funnily enough I didn't sleep for one second that night and I rang my DH and begged him to come over the last couple of days. I know I didn't dream it because I was covered in scratches from running through the woods and had grazed hands from where I fell over the dog in the garden.

Nothing like that has happened before or since and I hope it never, ever does. It was the single most horrible, terrifying experience of my entire life.

😱😨 terrifying. I remember reading this, so creepy. I wonder, did she say what the homeowner thought about what happened, did the op tell the homeowner?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2023 19:03

I was captivated by the post about the missing ironing board. The op lived in a flat, had cameras so would know if anyone had broken in, and her ironing board had vanished. She looked everywhere and couldn't find it. I still wonder about it.

Woopzies · 02/09/2023 19:04

Emin (Earthmotherimnot) - the lady who fostered a baby suffering from drug withdrawal. Lovely lady, who sadly passed away from cancer not too long after.

MysteryBelle · 02/09/2023 19:04

Did we ever figure out who accessed and turned on the outdoor water spigot under the steps that were purposely bolted shut and where the fenced garden couldn’t even be entered by neighbors except maybe an acrobat who could jump from second story over to the other house. ??

clarepetal · 02/09/2023 19:04

I can see your minge was amazing!!!

Lately, though, Pamela with her bile duct cancer. It was so awful. She was so articulate, and I do think of her and her family.

Wintersgirl · 02/09/2023 19:05

tsmhero · 02/09/2023 14:35

There's one on a spooky thread where someone was house sitting and the puppy gets out at night and she chases it into the woods. I won't say all of it in case I spoiler it for someone who wants to read it but I've never forgotten it.

Yes I've read that one and it's really creepy, wasn't there another poster who was walking her dog at dusk in the woods and came face to face with a demon? Bloody terrifyng!

friskybivalves · 02/09/2023 19:06

DysmalRadius · 02/09/2023 18:45

Someone complaining about swearing on MN, particularly 'the f and c words' and the first reply was:

Off you fuck then, cuntychops.

One of the few times I have actually laughed at something on here!
.

Bet that was anyfucker.

WingingItSince1973 · 02/09/2023 19:06

Loads already mentioned. But a sad one I remember was following a thread of a foster lady and the most amazing care she took of children esp one little girl that needed a lot of help. I was so sad to read that she eventually died and felt so unfair for all her family and the children she had nurtured. I can't remember her name here but I always envisioned what she looked like and how amazing she was xxx

Bobishere · 02/09/2023 19:06

I still wonder what happened to the Twittlebee woods saga.
Op had inherited a woodland area and the local neighbours kept putting up fences in a land grab attempt.
I often wonder and hope that OP got it sorted out.

Imsureitsprobablymebut · 02/09/2023 19:08

RangerMan !! Didn’t do a thing all weekend as I was refreshing for an update every 5 mins - every time I see a black Ford Ranger I wonder if that’s the Buffoon in the flesh 😂

Also, on a sad note, the mum who lost her lovely son Alex. I often wonder how she’s getting on.

LaMadameCholet · 02/09/2023 19:10

feralunderclass · 02/09/2023 14:55

There was a very funny mock Take a Break story thread where the OP started about a mature woman going to Turkey or Tunisia and finding a much younger man. Subsequent posters added bits onto it, it was very funny and very well written. Can't remember what it was called so if anyone remembers please link it.

A few that were apparently hilarious and in classics, but live in my head because I genuinely didn't understand them. One being baby Balonz from Frencham Ponds and other being No, I'm Caroline Fernandez (not real name). If anyone can explain either of these please do!

I never understood the (Angela)? Hernandez one either, I’m glad it’s not just me.

TidyDancer · 02/09/2023 19:10

Ridemeginger · 02/09/2023 18:10

I'm someone who struggles to ask the smallest favour, so other people's cheeky fuckery has me in complete awe. So the ones I remember are CF ones, mostly.

There was a wedding one, where the OP was not invited to this wedding of a "friend", but was expected to pay for/provide decorations for the wedding and actually decorate the venue. I've got a vague feeling that might be the "stop the cheque" thread, but I could be wrong.

Another one where the OP had some sort of lovely gated garden with children's play equipment in it, and a neighbour was demanding use of it because it wan't fair her kids had nothing to play on.

Loveliest thread ever is Elderly Korean Lady, of course, with her son, there to dismantle and collect the summer house, and very pleased to receive some window boxes too. Sat all day in the OP's garden with her boxes of food. The OP's little child sat with her and they bonded, and she gave him some money as a parting gift. Started off as a CF thread, and ended up giving everyone a tear in their eye about humanity.

I think the wedding one you're referring to was mine. The bride sent me a save the date card but no invitation then asked me to do up the venue for her because she knew I'd be free. That was it in a nutshell. I still see her floating around social media from time to time and she is still equally as twatty.

Jackydaytona · 02/09/2023 19:12

SerafinasGoose · 02/09/2023 14:33

Suzy Quattro's fat nan.

I swear I'll never buy another leather jacket again!

Yep!

TheWelshposter · 02/09/2023 19:13

The student/young adult...might have been in Scotland...whose flatmate wanted to hold her grandparent's wake in the house and take over the living room with the coffin and mourners.

The poor poster was really uncomfortable about it but I never read an update and sometimes wonder what happened!!!!

Also the poster whose boyfriend did the T Rex in Asda, hilarious.

Lulasun · 02/09/2023 19:14

It's the original thread from the M&S troll for me. I remember reading it aloud to my husband and we laughed so much.

I also have a special fondness for a comment on the penis beaker thread that was something like "do you have an acid fanjo?"

WingingItSince1973 · 02/09/2023 19:14

toddlepod · 02/09/2023 16:23

I loved the cutted up pear... but one I've never forgotten was so sad and still gets me teared up if I think about it, was the lady who fostered the baby born with heroin (?) addiction. Getting the baby drug free, gaining weight, first smiles, etc... OMG, so tough.

Baby recovered and eventually adopted, the pre-arranged outcome, but still heartbreaking to read the day by day transition from foster parents to adoptive parents.

It was wonderful and so bitter sweet.

If I remember rightly, the op, died of breast cancer a few years later.😓

Edited

Oh I've just posted about this too. Was awful wasn't it 😢

Inextremis · 02/09/2023 19:16

It's not funny, but there was a thread about 'the best advice you can give' or something, and someone posted 'always empty your bladder totally, even if it means leaning forwards'. That pops into my head multiple times a day... I think the poster was a nurse of some sort, which made the advice seem very serious and meaningful - so I follow it!

SoShallINever · 02/09/2023 19:19

The one where a poster was doing an important work presentation and stood up in front of her audience and said "good afternoon, my name is Nigella Lawson" except it wasn't. 😂
Also on same thread another poster confessed that she was meeting and greeting at a conference and as she shook a delegated hand, for no reason at all, she pulled her close and whispered in her ear "do one".
It's become a legendary tale in our house, I often pull DH in for a hug, then whisper "do one" instead.

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