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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it’s antisocial not to drink alcohol.

138 replies

Cutesycurtsy · 02/09/2023 12:08

I really want to give up alcohol. I have great fun when I have a few drinks, and know that my life will be more boring without it and I’ll be a lot less fun. However, alcohol causes me so much anxiety the following day. I also get memory loss even from maybe 3 glasses of wine and that just causes the terrible anxiety.

My worry is that people won’t want to socialise with me if I give up drinking and that people will think I’m boring. Ultimately, I won’t allow this to affect my decision, because I know that I shouldn’t feel pressured into drinking alcohol. But it is a concern for me.

AIBU to think that people will think I’m unsociable if I go tee-total?

OP posts:
cakecoffeecakecoffee · 02/09/2023 12:11

Yabu and if people think that way about you then they ABU.

It makes no difference in how I view people - I know lots of sober people who don’t drink for varying reasons.

tonystarksrighthand · 02/09/2023 12:11

Life truly starts when you give up the toxic booze

I was a boring fucker after 3 glasses of wine. I cringe at how I repeated myself, told terrible stories and thought I was SO funny.

I was a massive twat.

TappingTed · 02/09/2023 12:12

I didn't drink for a year, didn't make any difference to anyone else.

HermioneWeasley · 02/09/2023 12:12

People who think that way are arseholes you don’t want in your life

ReleasetheCrackHen · 02/09/2023 12:12

Some people in your current circle of friends will if that is what you are used to. That’s the truth. Some people seem stuck in the freshers mentality and cannot socialise without drinking and take it personally when their friends stop drinking. So, it’s not uncommon to lose a few friends like this when you decide stop drinking.

But, on the plus side you won’t lose all your friends, just the ones with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and you will make more friends who know lots of ways to have fun without drinking.

Adviceplease2314 · 02/09/2023 12:13

I tend to have 2 drinks when I go out as alcohol doesn’t agree with me much anymore. No one bats an eyelid. I’m sure your friends will understand if you don’t want to drink. There’s also non-alcoholic lagers etc that are much better than they used to be, you can barely tell the difference. They come in bottles that don’t overly scream nonalcoholic if you want to look like you’re fitting in. The same for mock tails, impossible to tell once they are in the glass if it’s alcoholic or not. Do what suits you as it sounds like you’re not enjoying alcohol anymore

tuvamoodyson · 02/09/2023 12:13

I don’t drink…my life is not boring.

Xrays · 02/09/2023 12:13

If people think this about you then they aren’t your people.

I’ve been teetotal 14 years now after being alcoholic in my teens / twenties. I had to completely change my social circles and life to change myself.

TheBarbieEffect · 02/09/2023 12:13

Alcohol doesn’t make you fun. It just means something is lacking in your life.

FOJN · 02/09/2023 12:14

Alcohol causes more antisocial behaviour than abstinence.

I don't drink and people don't give a shit. No one knows or asks what's in my glass when I'm socialising unless they are offering to buy me a drink.

musicforthesoul · 02/09/2023 12:14

If your friend circle is big on going out getting drunk together then it may impact.

It likely won't make any difference though, most people don't care what others are drinking.

WhateverUsernameWillDo · 02/09/2023 12:14

I don't drink. It's never been a problem. No-one seems to care. I only get stick over turning down the weekly cake in the office. Somehow that seems to be unacceptable but I don't have it anyway.

Catsandbikes · 02/09/2023 12:15

Hello are you me?
I stopped drinking a few years ago and have never looked back. God almighty I was such a bellend. I relish every sober, anxiety free morning!
I've had a few comments but they've mostly been about how they would like to do the same. I've saved a fortune, my skin looks ace and my weekends are lovely - go for it!

Catsandbikes · 02/09/2023 12:15

Sorry, that was aimed at @tonystarksrighthand

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/09/2023 12:15

Some people may think you are boring if you give up alcohol, yes. A lot of people are dependent on it to a greater or lesser degree and use it as a prop for their social lives due to anxiety or low self-esteem or addiction issues.

But these are not people you want as friends anyway tbh.

I increasingly find such people boring and limiting so I want to spend less and less time with them anyway. I drink and I have no short term plans to give up alcohol altogether but I can't think of anything worse than surrounding myself with people who can't have fun without drink.

You will probably find the quality of your friendships improves if you stop drinking.

Social lives that revolve around drinking are often fickle and it's harder to form decent bonds with people who you only see when they are pissed.

So short term you may lose a couple of transient friendships but long term it won't impact your ability to make long-lasting ones.

ChaToilLeam · 02/09/2023 12:17

Plenty of people don’t drink for various reasons. If someone has a problem with it then they‘re the antisocial one, not you.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/09/2023 12:17

If you sit there looking disapproving and tut every time someone raises a glass to their lips, that would be anti-social. As long as you don't do that, any decent friend won't care what's in your glass.

If a group is bonded solely around drinking together, that can be an issue, and you might find you out grow people, but if you're good friends that like each other sober, and people normally just have a few drinks together, then it's unlikely to be an issue.

I'm a light drinker. Sometimes I have a drink or two, sometimes I don't. I don't "need" to drink to laugh, dance or sing and my drinking habits have never been a social barrier.

TheFutureMrsWolowitz · 02/09/2023 12:18

Honestly. people usually don't care. If they do then they might have a problem themselves and basically want a buddy that confirms for them that their drinking is normal.

DH has been teetotal for 5 years now. He did not have a problem, he just went on a health kick and turned vegetarian at the same time. No-one bats an eye and ours is a very boozy circle. He drinks af beer or soda water.

I have another friend who went AF in january. But she says that she is determined to not let her think she can't have fun. That's just socialisation talking. She hosts huge parties at her house and goes out for huge parties.

Better to go out and have a fabulous time than go out, be not sure what happened the next day and have The Fear.

I'm probably going to go teetotal too. DH looks fantastic and 10 years younger.

whereismysleep · 02/09/2023 12:18

A lovely friend of mine has given up drinking. I feel happy for her, her health has improved.

She's still a sociable person, we still go out together, sometimes still to pubs even - we've always loved going to country pubs together, now there's no difficulty working out who the designated driver is - bonus!

I know what you mean about feeling less sociable without alcohol, but if you're using alcohol as a crutch, then it's masking something that's stopping you feeling free.

If you're serious about giving up, it could help to acknowledge that there is something that stops you feeling yourself without booze (low self esteem? Lack of confidence? Or maybe - going out on a limb here - maybe the problem isn't you, maybe the people you socialise with aren't actually good friends?) And try to work out how to address that, rather than just removing the booze.

GOODCAT · 02/09/2023 12:19

I don't drink alcohol. There is a lot more to life. You do not need to drink alcohol to have fun.

You will gain in confidence saying no and just get used to being who you are. I never have to worry about getting home or about not being able to do something the next day and don't feel bad after.

BellaJuno · 02/09/2023 12:19

Friendships may change but it’ll be a two-way thing. I have friends who don’t bat an eyelid that I’m now tee-total and friends I have drifted away from as I’ve realised they’re not actually fun to be around when they’re drunk, but I didn’t notice it when I was drinking too. Go for it, you won’t look back!

junecat · 02/09/2023 12:19

Alcohol makes me antisocial. I've been a much nicer friend since I quit. Xxx

Bananas1350 · 02/09/2023 12:20

I have not drunk for 23 years. If people judge me on that then I don’t have time for them.

tonystarksrighthand · 02/09/2023 12:21

@Catsandbikes yes! Agreed.

I also don't care anymore, if people ask me why or do you have a problem?

"Well yes, I do, I am an absolute bellend and probably will try and shag the table, ex partner, random ... anyone and think I am a literal goddess."

Normally people shut up after that.

Crumpleton · 02/09/2023 12:21

I really want to give up alcohol. I have great fun when I have a few drinks, and know that my life will be more boring without it and I’ll be a lot less fun.

I don't drink alcohol and in no way does that make my life/me boring, sence of humour and being real is key here.

AIBU to think that people will think I’m unsociable if I go tee-total?

Why unsociable?
You can still go out and not drink alcohol, have fun and not one of my friends think differently of me.

Best thing is when I do go out/away with friends next day I'm the one not sat holding my head in my hands groaning.

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