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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it’s antisocial not to drink alcohol.

138 replies

Cutesycurtsy · 02/09/2023 12:08

I really want to give up alcohol. I have great fun when I have a few drinks, and know that my life will be more boring without it and I’ll be a lot less fun. However, alcohol causes me so much anxiety the following day. I also get memory loss even from maybe 3 glasses of wine and that just causes the terrible anxiety.

My worry is that people won’t want to socialise with me if I give up drinking and that people will think I’m boring. Ultimately, I won’t allow this to affect my decision, because I know that I shouldn’t feel pressured into drinking alcohol. But it is a concern for me.

AIBU to think that people will think I’m unsociable if I go tee-total?

OP posts:

cheezncrackers · 02/09/2023 13:10

The problem with giving up alcohol is that you realise what drunk bores all the people that drink loads are! People who you thought were fun when you were drunk too are just rather pathetic when you're sober.

Oblomov23 · 02/09/2023 13:11

You probably need to address your paranoia and anxiety. None of my friends care if someone drinks tonnes, or never drinks. No one cares.

Ffsmakeitstop · 02/09/2023 13:11

You need better friends if they judge you for not drinking. I remember going to a works night out, bowling so not a boozy night but it did have a bar. I was driving and asked for a coke and one of the blokes asked for the same as he said he didn't drink but one of the morons that I work with put a Bacardi in his and weren't going to tell him so I did. Turns out he's on medication that could have a serious effect on him if mixed with alcohol. Some people are fucking idiots where alcohol is concerned.

Ponoka7 · 02/09/2023 13:14

My DP recently had a heart attack. We went out for his birthday and he stuck to two pints, we had a great night, proper conversations and it didn't interrupt getting up and enjoying the bank holiday. Normally there'd be a level of tiredness.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 02/09/2023 13:15

I don’t drink.

Over the years I’ve realised that, without fail, the people who’ve given me grief for it were actually shit friends in other ways as well. I just didn’t always see it at the time.

Actual friends don’t care what’s in my glass

Dominoeffecter · 02/09/2023 13:19

Drunk people can be incredibly boring if you are sober, I wouldn’t think it is the same the other way around.

HerAvatar · 02/09/2023 13:20

Alcohol really doesn't agree with me these days, even a small amount either makes me puke or fall asleep so I just tell people that if they comment. If anyone says I'm boring for not drinking (it has happened but rarely) I just point out that I'm far more boring if I'm stuck in the loos feeling ill, or asleep which generally shuts them up. I don't feel like people are less likely to socialise with me because I don't drink, I'm not sure people even notice most of the time tbh.

Ellmau · 02/09/2023 13:22

YABU. Drunks are boring.

Pandor · 02/09/2023 13:22

Don’t constantly go on about it and you’ll be fine. I have friends who don’t drink, or drink very little - it barely ever gets mentioned and we have fun nights out together.

Also have someone who was a friend, gave up drinking and now never shuts up about it. Became very judgmental about all all alcohol consumption, always talking about it being poison, adopted a very holier-than-thou attitude and is now frankly an insufferable bore. Don’t be like like them, it’s totally unnecessary!

ThePineappleBuff · 02/09/2023 13:24

tuvamoodyson · 02/09/2023 12:13

I don’t drink…my life is not boring.

Same here. I used to be a heavy drinker and I've found that my activities have become a lot more varied since I stopped drinking. It's ridiculous that so many people think that the only way you can have fun or be social is via alcohol.

Strokethefurrywall · 02/09/2023 13:25

Trust me, my life is infinitely more fun as a sober person!

I was rarely a sloppy drunk, my drinking was more wine on the couch based, but I just drank too many nights/weekends.

My desire to quit was because it affected my emotional resilience so much.

I am FAR more fun now than I ever was. Not one of my friends has even batted an eyelash at sobriety.

Everything that alcohol promises, sobriety delivers. You won't be disappointed!

keffie12 · 02/09/2023 13:26

I've been sober 20 years. My life is good and much more fun without it.

If you seriously think life is boring without it, you need to assess your relationship with it as not drinking does not make you boring.

In fact I think life is pretty boring with it, when I used to drink.

I know what I have done every morning, no hangovers, and get to choose what I do as do the millions of us who don't drink do, too

Pebblesandwaves · 02/09/2023 13:26

I gave up alcohol for the same reason and also because no matter how little I drank I'd feel so I'll the next day and it would rite the day off. I'm still good fun, I still have a great night but I am far less keen to dance. I definitely need alcohol in my system to have the confidence to dance. I also don't always last that late and am happy to be home by midnight. BUT I feel SO much better!!! No booze doom the next day, wracking my brains over what I might have said or who I may have upset. I also wake up feeling great. I buy 0% alcohol gin, mix it with lime juice, mint leaves and tonic and have myself a NOjito. Just give it a go OP!

Riverlee · 02/09/2023 13:26

I think attitudes to drinking have changed over the years. Years ago, I think people perhaps did frown more about non-drinkers, but the designated driver campaigns helped to change that. Also, nowadays, there’s always mocktails on menus, plus you can get alcohol free ciders, beer and Prosecco in pubs.

Hankunamatata · 02/09/2023 13:27

I usually don't say to anyone and just have tonic and ice. No ones business

VikingLady · 02/09/2023 13:28

For all we should be honest and real friends won't mind etc etc....

Just lie. Buy yourself some space whilst you work yourself out. Tell them it's upsetting your stomach right now, so you're taking a couple of weeks off it (blame doctors orders if you need to). Look up alcoholic gastritis and blame that.

You'll see how you feel without the alcohol and it'll give you time to work out how you feel about drinking, about not drinking around heavy drinking friends, about your friendship group as a whole.

Yes, obviously lying is wrong 😑 but if it's to protect yourself enough to be able to think clearly, I don't think that's wrong!

WrylyAmused · 02/09/2023 13:29

I (mostly) stopped drinking when going out a few years ago.
It felt a bit awkward to start with, but in general no one really cares (or even knows if you buy your own drinks and don't make a big deal of it).
You can "train" yourself to be just as much "fun" without it - for me it was just getting out of my own way with overthinking/inner critic etc.

What did happen though was that I found certain friend groups less interesting to hang out with.... they all still drank a lot, and I found them pretty dull - loud, repetitive, not as funny as I had thought - when I was sober and they were drunk.

But that's also fine. I have some different friends to go out with now, and I see those friends in contexts where they don't get drunk (dinners, coffee, walks etc), so I can enjoy times with them differently.

So, you might find it changes a bit, but quite possibly in ways that you ultimately come to prefer.

Sothisiit · 02/09/2023 13:30

There are so many 0% alcohol substitute products that being teetotal means you don't need to drink sodas all night.
I regularly drink 0% products especially if I have something to do the following day.
Hangovers and small kids don't mix, hopefully my friends like my company whether I'm consuming alcohol or not.
Personally I think I have fun either way.

category12 · 02/09/2023 13:31

Oblomov23 · 02/09/2023 13:11

You probably need to address your paranoia and anxiety. None of my friends care if someone drinks tonnes, or never drinks. No one cares.

Post-drinking paranoia/anxiety is a well-known phenomenon - the "beer fear", "hangxiety" - people get it because alcohol messes with your brain chemistry.

OP is addressing it by stopping drinking.

WetsuitRevolutionary · 02/09/2023 13:31

I went teetotal and my social life fell off a cliff, it was brutal. I've never judged anyone for the amount they drink, never made comments or been sneery but didn't stop so-called friends being sneery at me, usually along the lines of "Don't be boring!".
I completely stopped getting invitations to nights out, parties and meals. Someone I thought was a good friend complained we had nothing in common any more.
I literally can't remember the last time I was invited anywhere. I am however the person that people turn to when they've got a problem or need help or someone to moan to. So I'm still ok for the sensible stuff, but not the fun stuff, and yes it's really fucking hurtful.

I have noticed though that now my friends are in their late 40s/ 50s that lifestyles are definitely catching up with people, and I don't regret going sober.

Prescottdanni123 · 02/09/2023 13:32

I have friends who don't drink. They are great fun. I didn't bat an eyelid when they told me they were going to stop drinking.

If your friends only want to spend time with you when you are pouring a toxic substance into your body then they are not friends that are worth having.

Blanketpolicy · 02/09/2023 13:34

It really depends on your social group and/or age. Teenagers are not aware of their limits around alcohol and there is a lot of peer pressure to experiment but ime most mature and grow out of it around their mid 20s and then enjoy a drink socially without the extent of over indulgence that someone not drinking would be significantly of note.

If you hang about with an aging boozy crowd (nothing worse in my book!) then the problem might be more you can't be bothered watching them get drunk and the performance and drama that goes with it while you remain sober.

Nowadays, when I enjoy having a drink, if it is a long night I will intersperse with soft drinks or skip a round and no-one blinks an eye (they are just happy it is a cheap round!). If it is somewhere inconvenient I will not drink so I can drive and again no one cares.

If you don't have a good relationship with alcohol or just want to cut it out, then it shouldn't be a problem. If it is then it is their problem not yours, no-one should be made to feel they have to drink and if anyone makes you feel that way they are not worth having in your life.

Robotalkingrubbish · 02/09/2023 13:36

Drunk people are extremely tedious and boring. When you’re drunk yourself you don’t notice. When I gave up drinking, I was continually surprised at just how bad drunk people are to spend time with. Don’t worry @Cutesycurtsy just do your own thing.

Skybluecoat · 02/09/2023 13:37

If you think you will find socialising boring without alcohol then it’s your friends who are the dull boring people.

I don’t drink, I have a great time when I go out. I’m far more confident and comfortable, and I don’t make a tit of myself or get into dangerous situations.

Added bonus, since I quit drinking I lost nearly two stone in weight, my skin is fabulous, and I have saved nearly £2k in 18 months.

livinglifetothefull · 02/09/2023 13:37

I dont drink i hate the stuff to me it brings out the worst in people .
My life is not boring without it infact its better not to be around it .
I still go out and have fun i go pubs but i have coke or something eles .

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