to think it’s antisocial not to drink alcohol.

[Cutesycurtsy]

I really want to give up alcohol. I have great fun when I have a few drinks, and know that my life will be more boring without it and I’ll be a lot less fun. However, alcohol causes me so much anxiety the following day. I also get memory loss even from maybe 3 glasses of wine and that just causes the terrible anxiety.

My worry is that people won’t want to socialise with me if I give up drinking and that people will think I’m boring. Ultimately, I won’t allow this to affect my decision, because I know that I shouldn’t feel pressured into drinking alcohol. But it is a concern for me.

AIBU to think that people will think I’m unsociable if I go tee-total?

I bloody love wine, having a night in a nice bar with friends or at someone’s house are my favourite things to do.

However! I have multiple friends who don’t drink and I’d never judge them or exclude them socially.

Plenty of alcohol free options
Mocktails
Alcohol free beer, wine, Guiness
Tea, coffee, hot chocolate

I have a friend who gave up drinking alcohol after she said she had been drinking too much. We all still go out for dinner and lunches she does not comment if I or others have alcohol and we do not comment on the fact she doesn’t. And it’s all been perfectly normal like it’s not made a difference.

She also looks amazing, skin, hair, weight loss, and energy and motivation levels increased and seems much happier. She has actually made me think if she looks like that after a long time of no drinking I should try it too.

She has said that other people in her other social circles have made comments about her not drinking and implying she should but we have encouraged her to do what’s good and feels right for her and ignore the comments. I’m at a loss as to why people would even feel the need to comment on lack of alcohol intake.

I have phases of drinking, phases of only drinking at weekends and in moderation and phases of not drinking at all. I have friends who have a drink on a daily basis, friends who have given up alcohol and friends who have never ever drunk it due to cultural reasons. None of us tries to make anyone else feel that they should be like them. If your social life does center on always having a few then it can feel weird when you are the only sober one so you might need to adjust how you use some of your leisure time. However, I hope you have true and loyal friends who respect your decision not to drink and leave you in peace once you have told them

I found out quite early on I can get room spinning drunk on a tiny amount of alcohol

I think it might be a genetic thing as my family are 1 glass of sherry at Christmas types and looking back they would get quite drunk on that one glass

I must admit I found it difficult when younger but as I got older drinking alcohol became less important to those around me

A true friend won't judge you, and if you can have a good time on a night out without drinking, then good for you, and your drinking friends will barely notice.

I have several teetotal friends and it isn't an issue at all. I like a glass or two of wine myself, but tend not to drink when I am out with them. Not that they would mind, but there's less pressure to drink, or to keep buying rounds with non-drinkers. I have noticed that we tend to meet up more during the day and not go out at night so much. Socialising over coffee is just as nice, and I can have my wine later on the sofa in front of the TV!

I don't drink anymore, I have friends that are big drinkers and we don't socialise that often anymore, not because I'm not asked but because I actually prefer to give those kinds of nights a miss. It's no fun being around drunk people when you're sober.

My other friendship group still like a drink every now and again but most of them don't drink much or often and finish up way earlier than the other group. I still socialise with them when they are drinking because they don't get wasted.

I used to find non drinkers boring because they finished their night when I was only getting started but my drinking was affecting my health and I'm so much happier being tee total, I actually pity the old me!

All my friends have been supportive of me quitting and my husband stopped around the same time due to severe anxiety after drinking. Most people won't care what you're doing as long as they can still have their booze!

I gave up drinking a few years ago and I feel like my life is so much richer for it.

You do have the first awkward months, or even years, of navigating other people’s opinions (usually projecting!) of you not drinking… the firsts without a drink (weddings, parties, holidays etc)…and if you’re basically quite introverted like me, you have to come to terms with how much you used booze as a social crutch and then learn how to socialise without it.

BUT…all of that is SO worth it. I’ve slowly uncovered a different ‘me’ who is actually much more fun and genuinely confident without a drink. I don’t miss it at all and rarely think of it anymore.

There is nothing more boring than drunks in my opinion…

Same here.

In general, people who drink a lot are boring. That’s why they drink! I know several people like this - ignorant, boring, unable to hold a conversation, zero personal skills, no idea how to behave in company, etc. All of them drink because it gives them confidence. If you want to be good company, give up alcohol and read books instead. The most interesting people I know are all big readers.

So long as you don't go on about it, no one will notice or care.

Bartender here!

Not drinking is more common than you think :) In my pub we've had to triple our stock range of 0% alcohol due to demand, and groups of drinkers and non drinkers socialise together without any comment.

Either not drinking has becoming more popular or people are more comfortable to socialise without alcohol, perhaps a mix of both. We see so many people with alcohol issues / awful drunk personalities that I love serving non drinkers 😁

I've been sober for nearly 11 years, but when I first realised I needed to stop drinking, I was convinced, like you, that "nothing will EVER be fun again". It's a ridiculous story we tell ourselves, along with things like "I deserve to treat myself to a glass of wine" or "People will think I'm antisocial if I don't drink". They're lies, they are simply NOT true.

I've posted this several times on other threads about drinking, but when that sort of thought pops into my head these days, I counter with:

I'll treat myself to not making a twat of myself.
I'll treat myself to not having hangxiety tomorrow.
I'll treat myself to not spending £50 on drinks I don't even like the taste of.
I'll treat myself to being sober around my DC and being able to drive them somewhere if they need a lift.
I'll treat myself to not feeling hanging for the next 2 days. etc. etc. etc.

Don't worry about people thinking you're "antisocial", surely it's more of a worry what they'd think of you when you do something awful when you're blackout drunk?

Stopping drinking is really all about being able to change the story you tell yourself about your drinking, and learning to believe the new story where your life is improved by the absence of alcohol - because I promise it will be, good luck!