to think it’s antisocial not to drink alcohol.

[Cutesycurtsy]

I really want to give up alcohol. I have great fun when I have a few drinks, and know that my life will be more boring without it and I’ll be a lot less fun. However, alcohol causes me so much anxiety the following day. I also get memory loss even from maybe 3 glasses of wine and that just causes the terrible anxiety.

My worry is that people won’t want to socialise with me if I give up drinking and that people will think I’m boring. Ultimately, I won’t allow this to affect my decision, because I know that I shouldn’t feel pressured into drinking alcohol. But it is a concern for me.

AIBU to think that people will think I’m unsociable if I go tee-total?

I mean it’s literally no one else’s business. I used to get peer pressure a bit in my early twenties but it’s more their issue not yours. Sometimes people don’t like it when you don’t follow the crowd.

The bigger issue could be whether you actually still want to socialise with the same people as alcohol can mask what people actually have in common and you may find there’s less to talk about.

If you don't want to drink, don't drink. Plenty of people don't and, if asked (which is rather rude), just say it doesn't agree with you. Order sparkling water or a virgin pina colada (which is lovely). You're not objecting to others drinking so what's the big deal?

If I drank I can assure you I would be very antisocial.

I've gradually stopped drinking to the point where I might have only one, two maximum, drinks on a 'big' night out and sometimes none.
The plus side is that I've found it makes no difference to my enjoyment of the night. I still find people funny, I still dance and socialise. I'm confident anyway which helps, and I've never needed a drink to relax me.
The down side is that people are very reluctant to accept it. I get constant attempts to persuade me to drink from friends and new people are suspicious. I've been called boring and I get a lot of people apologising for themselves. I do socialise with drinkers though, and in places where drinking is the key focus, so I'd imagine people who don't would get less of this.
On balance though, it works very well for me. I'm a firm believer that alcohol consumption has too many negative impacts on health, weight and how we age to be worth it.

People who go out to get totatally rat arsed imo are total twats. Enjoy a drink by all means and if you don't want to drink that's fine too.
Who gives a fuck what others think about you not drinking? I'm a light weight with booze so tend not to bother that often. People want to judge me? That's their problem not mine and I don't care anyway.

I used to love a few drinks before I was pregnant- pregnancy is a good way to discover you don't need it as much as you think you do. It's SO nice to drive to a night out and save money on booze and taxis. You also only stay for the sun bit at the start and don't stay for the messy bit at the end that you wousknt have remembered anyway. If something isn't fun when sober then really it's not fun at all.

If you drive, a very good way to cut back is to have half or one glass of wine if you enjoy it but as you're driving home there is no way that you can have more so it forces you to stop.

The other things is if you haven't drunk on night out you can really enjoy your weekends- get an early train to the beach? Go shopping? A fitness class?

I enjoy a pint or cocktail or wine with friends.

I'm equally happy being duty driver. A soft drink or alcohol free beer does me fine too.

At a party a few years ago, a few friends only realised I had had only one glass of wine at the beginning and had been on soft drinks for three hours when I got out my car keys to drive home for the babysitter!

I haven’t drunk alcohol for many years

i still have a great time out! But I’m a confident person. I think it’s confidence all in all

As someone who is T total by choice and has been for a long time, it’s easy to say people are fine with it but it does restrict your social life. I choose not to drink for similar reasons to yours, I feel much better for it and I don’t miss drinking.

I feel Britain has a systemic issue with alcohol, our events often revolve around it without us realising. You notice this once your T total!

The unspoken truth is you may also start to get irritable around drinkers (well I do and other T total-ers I know do) once drinkers have had a few, they often get louder, often more touchy and sometimes a bit silly or aggressive. They often don’t realise it! I don’t resent drinkers but I tend to leave social events earlier or not attend if I know it’s a purely alcohol fuelled event (such as going out with work colleagues). It just bores me at this point having to deal with tipsy or drunk people. I know I know, I seem mean but when you’re sober - you just have a lack of patience for it.

Some people are fine but I’ve personally found that I experience a lot of peer pressure to ‘just have one’ because there are people who don’t feel comfortable if you’re not as squiffy as they are. Imagine if they did that with smoking or drugs, baffles me why I get it so much with drink.

I may sound negative or uppity, I’m not at all. Just saying that after being T total since my early 20s, you have to adapt your social life and accept sometimes you will miss out on events. It’s the harsh truth x

Some drinkers are really invested in other people drinking with them, so yes it's likely you will lose some friends. You'll find better ones though. Key here is that you need to change your thinking around alcohol - if you think you'll be boring and miserable then there's a good chance you will be!

Some people will not want to socialise with you but are they really worth it?

You do whatever makes you happy!

I enjoy wine but some of my friends don’t drink. We socialise just fine! Have a nice dinner, some people have alcohol, some don’t. No one is getting drunk though!

You realise that one of the biggest growth areas in the current drinks market is for non alcoholic drinks? Literally noone cares and if they do change your friendship group.

I guess we don't know your friends, but it makes zero difference in my circles.

I would recommend finding some good nonalcoholic options that are not too sweet. Cola's fine but a while evening of it gets a bit cloying. I like grapefruit juice and soda, or interspersing sweet drinks with plain soda water, or the newer non-alcoholic beers are ok if you like them hoppy.

Yes, people with an alcohol problem will think you're antisocial and boring.
When we were children we didn't need to imbibe poison in order to find life amusing and interesting.
What happens to most of us that this becomes necessary?

Plenty of people don't drink. I always have to drive, so at the very most I have one glass of wine. I'm not losing my licence for anyone, have acted the same for the last 30 years and no-one has ever not wanted to socialise with me.

I guess it depends what sort of friends you have. Mine mostly don't drink much either.

Just don't tell them. It's amazing what people don't notice.

@cakecoffeecakecoffee hit the nail on the head in the first post, @Cutesycurtsy. I don't drink much, and dh doesn't drink at all, and we still have a good time with our friends, and don't feel judged at all.

Anyone who does think that you have to drink to be fun, and judges you for not drinking, is not a friend worth having.

I have 1 friend who's an alcohol so doesn't drink and a couple of friends who rarely drink. Doesn't make a difference, we go out regularly and sometimes I'm the only one drinking

I'm sure your friends will love having a designated driver

If they do, they're not worth worrying about.
My friends and I are a mix of drinking quite heavily (socially, I mean; no one is an alcoholic), drinking lightly/occasionally, and not drinking at all (I'm in this group). We all still manage to get on and have a huge laugh together.

I gave up drinking when I was 28 (although never been tee total) and lost a lot of 'friends' who it turns out were only interested in having pub buddies and not actual friendships.

It made me really sad to think that they had not valued our relationship the way I had.

Luckily for me I have plenty of other friends that it didn't effect at all, and the others have just faded to acquaintances.

It was still a net positive not feeling anxious, tired or having hangovers at the weekend. I picked up a load of hobbies I had neglected since my childhood and started volunteering. Life is richer and more fulfilling.

We've got two kids now at 36 and I'm so glad alcohol is not a big part of our lives (DH does not drink either).

YABU. None of my (adult) kids drink. They all have social circles, go out, including with people who do drink.

A couple of my friends are recovering alcoholics so don't drink. They still. come out and drink alcohol-free beer

Actually, be of my kids is absolute belle of the ball. He drives a several seater and after footy training and then social at the pub he is very popular go Ben he doesn’t drink😁.

*be - should be ‘one’.

I've been teetotal since my mid twenties. I don't care what anyone thinks. One thing I'd recommended is go on a big night out and stay sober. Watch how drunk people/friends/family behave. It's eye-opening, especially when their drunk recollections differ so widely from what the sober you will have witnessed.
I attended a huge wedding in the middle of nowhere last week. I heard amongst other things a member of the in-laws family inconsolable over historical child abuse allegations, a lone female abandoned by the family member she was staying with and no hope of getting a taxi home (I gave her a lift miles out of my way). There was a group of women crying over always feeling ugly, scapegoats, etc. and the obligatory fight at the end of the night.
Since that day I've seen several SM posts over what a wonderful day it was from some of those mentioned above. In the words of HM, 'recollections may vary,' but my memories are clear. I see so often that alcohol doesn't necessarily equate to a fantastic night out. It merely alters your perception of events.