Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting for police to remove abusive partner.

250 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/09/2023 02:45

Just that, dog and I locked in bedroom.Neighbours aware. He's a functioning alcoholic.Have asked him to leave, repeatedly.My home and I pay for everything.I believe in MNs terms he's a cock lodger.Have so had enough. I have to tell him to shower, brush his teeth etc. The loo is left in a disgusting state, shit and wee everywhere yet I'm the unreasonable one. Just want to see the back of him.

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 02/09/2023 13:15

Do not give him a penny and definitely don't give him your car. You owe him nothing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2023 13:25

I’m so glad he’s leaving of his own accord. Give him nothing.

Riapia · 02/09/2023 13:29

I’m in awe of you OP.
The way you have come through what must have been a terrifying experience with such calm and good humour.
Hope your future life is filled with love and happiness. ❤️

WrylyAmused · 02/09/2023 13:32

Echoing everyone else.
Don't give him the car, don't give him any money.

You're strong, you've got this, and when he's finally gone you can use that money to take yourself and your daughter out and celebrate seeing the back of him!

Also what a previous poster said - don't cancel the police just cos he says his son is coming - wait till you actually see him gone!

oakleaffy · 02/09/2023 13:33

NO car.
NO money.

He's a grown up man who can get his own money, surely.

Therealjudgejudy · 02/09/2023 13:38

No car

No money. He needs to grow the F up.

mauveiscurious · 02/09/2023 13:39

Lhrl

mauveiscurious · 02/09/2023 13:40

Sorry, just reading the thread and it happened to a good friend of mine a decade to get rid of him. Fortunately she's is in a good place now

Bertiesmum3 · 02/09/2023 13:41

Hibiscrubbed · 02/09/2023 12:56

Wait, what?! She’s going to give him her car???? @Cinnamongirlinthesand do not do this.

Show quote history

He’s asking for cash too!!

@Cinnamongirlinthesand
pleasr dont give this man anything, he’s not worthy! X
take care of yourself and get all the help you can with support xxxx

IncognitoMam · 02/09/2023 13:43

Cheeky sod expecting rent money! Hope you told him to go to the far side of Fuckington!

LadybirdOnALog · 02/09/2023 13:46

Don’t give him the car or any money.
Tell the police about all the physical abuse, it doesn’t matter that he does it cleverly to not leave bruises but does things specifically he knows will hurt you and the dog.

huge well done though

pontipinemum · 02/09/2023 14:16

It's not your problem but I feel sorry for his son. Again not your problem but maybe it will be the wake up he needs.

Under no circumstances give him your car, or money for rent. You owe him zero, nothing, nada! Let him sort it out.

I'm glad you have given him the boot. He sounds like a dick. Which IMO is not because he is an alcoholic, it's because he is a manipulative prick.

tescocreditcard · 02/09/2023 14:18

Babyghirl · 02/09/2023 13:01

@Cinnamongirlinthesand
Just watch he's not telling you his son his picking him up so you can cancel the police to remove, so he has a few hours to sweet talk you with the sorrys, to get his feet back under the table, then no son turns up police have been cancelled and your back to square one xx

Yeah, don't cancel the police until he's actually gone.

FroodwithaKaren · 02/09/2023 14:19

Well done OP. I hope things get much better from here. Flowers

Do not give him the car, it's a minefield of mess he could make of you and other people there. Do not give him money, it will go on booze, not rent, and he'll be back for more. Do not cancel the police. You still need to make your report to them.

Having got rid of my own batshit ex, who used to escalate late at night when pissed and do whatever they could think of to hurt me, (trying to get the RSPCA to break in and remove my pets was one), the police awareness and history is a useful protection.

LadyVorkosigan · 02/09/2023 14:23

Well done, OP! You've got this. Do not relent. You deserve so much better.

Solidarity and sisterhood.

2catsandhappy · 02/09/2023 14:42

DO NOT GIVE HIM THE CAR. You wouldn't give a gun to a drunkard, don't give a car to a drink driver. You have the letter already from his hidden driving and drinking. He cannot be trusted. You owe him nothing. Nothing.

Andthereyougo · 02/09/2023 14:43

If you have to, to get him out, give him a small amount of money, £20 maybe. Wait til he’s outside to do it. Put his bags outside in advance so you can lock the door as soon as his feet are outside b
Yes, he will drink himself into an early grave. My alcoholic ex died in his 40s. Was offered so much help but preferred being pissed and abusive. Always remember the three Cs.

Canthave2manycats · 02/09/2023 14:50

Give him NOTHING!! I'd arrange for some male friends/relatives to be around to see him off the premises too!! Hope the nasty fucker has gone by now. Eviction long overdue!

YouJustDoYou · 02/09/2023 15:08

I've had the police say they'll turn up and it never happened. Sorry op you're not getting the support you need.

TeeBee · 02/09/2023 15:13

Jesus! Don't give him the car so he can go and kill one of our kids. He's not insured and will just drive-drive. Please keep him off the roads.

Yalta · 02/09/2023 15:13

Don’t give give h the car just for other peoples safety.
Giving it him if he does kill or harm someone with it, given his ability to twist things to be other peoples faults I think that is only bringing further trouble to your door if you knowingly gave a vehicle to an alcoholic who you knew drove drunk on more than one occasion

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2023 15:23

Don't cancel the police. If they come and he's left, speak to them. Tell them everything you've said here and get their advice on how to report this and make your house secure.

"My home and I pay for everything"

What does he need rent money for? He's with his son.
I feel sorry for his son but you need to ensure your own safety

You are no longer responsible for this abusive man. Maybe this is the wake up call he needs to deal with his drinking problem.

Mummumgem · 02/09/2023 15:27

Like everyone has said, don’t give him your car, he will kill somebody or at least sell it to buy booze. Make sure the police are aware of everything, he could well still be over the limit if he drank so much last night and if he’s anything like my other he will be drinking soon again this afternoon, actually that will be good for the police to see.

so no to car, just his belongings, no to money he’s not your responsibility, change your locks and double/triple check your paperwork. Will your daughter be ok when she brings the dog back.

good luck, I wish I had your courage 💐

MummyJ36 · 02/09/2023 16:01

Don’t give him the car OP if you can manage to stand firm. If his son is picking him up he doesn’t need it in order to leave. Also it is hot your problem once he’s gone where he finds money for rent. He can stay with family if needs be. Either way it is nothing to do with you and you don’t owe him anything.

Lizzy53 · 02/09/2023 16:54

Has that man gone please say yes

Swipe left for the next trending thread