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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting for police to remove abusive partner.

250 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/09/2023 02:45

Just that, dog and I locked in bedroom.Neighbours aware. He's a functioning alcoholic.Have asked him to leave, repeatedly.My home and I pay for everything.I believe in MNs terms he's a cock lodger.Have so had enough. I have to tell him to shower, brush his teeth etc. The loo is left in a disgusting state, shit and wee everywhere yet I'm the unreasonable one. Just want to see the back of him.

OP posts:
Peonyblush81 · 02/09/2023 11:18

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Peonyblush81 · 02/09/2023 11:19

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MadeForThis · 02/09/2023 11:19

Do t let him borrow the car. You need a clean break.

He's also not insured.

Let the police remove him.

StonwEd · 02/09/2023 11:21

I was you 10 years ago! Well done and stay strong, best thing I ever did. When I look at my life now I wonder how he could ever have fitted in it, complete fucking loser. Still is I believe whereas I am the wonderful awesome person I am 😏😎

tescocreditcard · 02/09/2023 11:21

Do not give him your car. After the police put him out he can arrange a time to come back and get the stuff he can't carry or if you really want to be shot of him you can just offer to drop his stuff off later when he tells you where he wants it.

DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR CAR. Giving him your car means he can keep coming round.

Cucucucu · 02/09/2023 11:25

Do not give him your car , make sure you send his details for the fine qnd wash your hands of that ! Make sure police is aware he might try to steal the car or come back . If you think he naught become violent once he is kicked out you can ask police help to apply for a non molestation order

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2023 11:27

You are the registered driver and the insured driver. That means YOU are still responsible for the car and what happens if you willingly give him permission to drive it.
I don't know the legal position, but if you give him the car and he damages property or injures someone with it - you could be liable because you gave it to him knowing he was a drunk and you've already reported him to police for that so legally the other side could claim that its your fault for giving him the car in the first place.

Again, Im no legal expert but even if you are not held accountable, you will be dragged into this case as the owner and insurance holder, with someone who could say anything that will cause more trouble for you.

So its not a case of being mean and depriving him of a car. He's already done that to himself btw - its a case of continuing to protect yourself from his irresponsible and damaging behaviour

So No. He cannot have your car.

CrunchyCarrot · 02/09/2023 11:27

Do Not Give Him Your Car !!!

Normandyapplecake · 02/09/2023 11:29

Another vote for not giving him the car. Please don't feel sorry for him op you've already given him so much time from your life to turn his behaviour around and he hasn't sorted himself out. Please don't give him any more time or resources. Maybe this will be the turning point in his life, maybe it won't, but he has to be responsible for his own behaviour.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/09/2023 11:29

Just hang in there a bit longer. The police will help you today, he will be gone and you’ll still have your car.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2023 11:34

Just wanted to add that whilst it all may seem hellish now, you are nearly over the crisis point. You have help nearby, neighbours, daughter and the police are coming today. You have someone to change locks the minute he's out.
Keep going. You will soon be in a much better place. and this will be in your past Best of luck.

LakeTiticaca · 02/09/2023 11:41

I'm with the others OP, Please please don't let him have your car. Stay strong. These wankers always try to turn it round and get you feeling sorry for them. Try and get their feet back under the table. I've been there. They are users, cocklodgers, call em what you like.
Good riddance to bad rubbish is the way to go 😉

ClairDeLaLune · 02/09/2023 11:41

He drives your car drunk and kills someone. YOUR insurance is liable. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE CAR.

MeridianB · 02/09/2023 11:46

Please don’t give him the car. He could ruin more lives. He shouldn’t be anywhere near a car.

MattDamon · 02/09/2023 11:49

Do you have CCTV? If not, can you order one off Amazon? Evidence in case he comes back.

triballeader · 02/09/2023 11:52

Do NOT allow him to have your car. It does not belong to him, he is not responsible for it and you can bet he will not have insurance et al.

I get the temptation to hand over whatever to get a drinker out of your life but from experience they will always want even more. Before he died my idiot brother had his licence removed by the DVLA for alcoholism. Serious drinkers really cannot be trusted to drive safely let alone be sober enough to be behind a wheel.

dressedforcomfort · 02/09/2023 11:54

Well done for keeping such a clear head, OP.

Agree with others though, don't give him a car. Imagine if he was drunk driving and killed someone. He's clearly not a responsible person.

Is he likely to keep turning up after he's been kicked out? If so, would a restraining order be a good idea?

kittensinthekitchen · 02/09/2023 11:59

What? Why on earth would you give him your car? Police will be there today and remove him.

Have you left him before?

oakleaffy · 02/09/2023 12:04

HundredMilesAnHour · 02/09/2023 10:55

No!! Don't let him have the car. It's your car. He will only drink drive in it anyway. You're better off keeping it as 1)it's yours and 2)he could kill someone with it.

Show quote history

@Cinnamongirlinthesand Don't let this extremely dangerous man, this drink driver, have your car.

He will likely kill an innocent driver or other road user or Pedestrian.

It would be on your conscience if he killed someone with your car- don't give it to him.

bookworm44 · 02/09/2023 12:04

What on earth are you thinking to give him your car? Just no! Why would you??

Maray1967 · 02/09/2023 12:05

Let the police do their job. He has no right to stay and they need to remove him. Bag his stuff up and get it and him out in one go, with nothing of yours unless it’s easier to pay for a taxi to the housing office.

oakleaffy · 02/09/2023 12:10

Maray1967 · 02/09/2023 12:05

Let the police do their job. He has no right to stay and they need to remove him. Bag his stuff up and get it and him out in one go, with nothing of yours unless it’s easier to pay for a taxi to the housing office.

Paying for a taxi is better!
@Cinnamongirlinthesand Please don't give a drunk your car.

My friend's dog was hit by a drunk female driver in a village- Animals suffer from drunks, too- Please don't enable his sorry ass to hurt innocent people and animals.

HazelBite · 02/09/2023 12:17

Just wait it out OP till the police come, I echo everyone else saying "Do not give him your car!"

honeylulu · 02/09/2023 12:17

FGS don't give him the car or even let him borrow it. You owe him nothing and you know he (a) drink drives and (b) isn't insured!!! You have a legal and moral responsibility to protect innocent members of the public from this colossal pillock getting behind (your) wheel!

Once he's out go ahead with getting the locks changed. I can see you've arranged that which is great. I suggest you get a crooklock thing for your car just in case he's got himself a spare key.

He'll be back to your house, banging on the door. Don't answer. Call police. Repeat as necessary. If he persists he'll end up with a restraining order.

Remember you OWE HIM NOTHING. If you feel yourself wavering make yourself think about cleaning his piss and shit up from the bathroom. Dirty bastard. A "catch" my arse!

You'll have a great new life with just doggo and your daughter.

Hairyhat · 02/09/2023 12:20

Don't give him the car!