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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting for police to remove abusive partner.

250 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/09/2023 02:45

Just that, dog and I locked in bedroom.Neighbours aware. He's a functioning alcoholic.Have asked him to leave, repeatedly.My home and I pay for everything.I believe in MNs terms he's a cock lodger.Have so had enough. I have to tell him to shower, brush his teeth etc. The loo is left in a disgusting state, shit and wee everywhere yet I'm the unreasonable one. Just want to see the back of him.

OP posts:
catrescuelady · 02/09/2023 09:25

Did you ring 999?

bookworm44 · 02/09/2023 09:29

I hope you're ok. I think you should ring the police again and be very upset! If you sound too calm they will think you're ok. Tell them he's hurt you (your poor wrists). I do hope they come soon.

Bimblesalong · 02/09/2023 09:29

I really hope he’s out and gone today. Be careful going back and to for a while after as he may turn on the charm (or otherwise).

ExD1938 · 02/09/2023 09:32

Isn't it time the dog (and you) had a wee and a poo?

foolishone · 02/09/2023 09:32

@Cinnamongirlinthesand I really hope he's gone and out of your life today and well done for ending it.

I know you say he doesn't have a door or car key but I would change your door locks at least. He's been there 2 years so has had plenty of chance to get one cut.

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/09/2023 09:37

Just received a call from police, someone will be here today.
Daughter is on her way over also.
Yes, he is sadistic, even with the dog.
He definitely doesn't have any keys but have a friend coming around to change locks anyway.
Everything is in my name only.
He probably won't remember anything from last night, was so pissed he fell over, again.
I was sent a parking ticket yesterday, turns out he's been driving to pub each afternoon. He wrote his car off due to drink driving, legged it before any details were exchanged and scrapped the car but, it wasn't his fault, never is.
I feel sick and can't stop shaking now.

OP posts:
bookworm44 · 02/09/2023 09:43

I'm glad you won't be there alone. Fingers crossed he goes out, you put all his stuff outside and your friend changes your locks before he's even back. Does he know you called the police?

Pixiedust1234 · 02/09/2023 09:48

I feel sick and can't stop shaking now.
You need to eat and drink. When was the last time you had either?

Good luck for later Flowers

Americano75 · 02/09/2023 09:49

You're a brave, amazing woman. I'm so sorry you've been through this but so glad it'll be over soon.

catrescuelady · 02/09/2023 09:51

Sorry but this is not just a one off "domestic" for the police to call when suits them. It should be a priority call. Your life could depend on this one day. Narcissists have a way of making you feel sorry for them and getting you to believe they are sorry.

Mamma2017 · 02/09/2023 09:52

Massive hats off to you OP I’m so proud of you reading this post!! Get rid of the dead wood in your life! A drain on your energy at all levels. Well done you for sorting everything and having the courage I know these things are not easy to do. I applaud you enjoy your new chapter! 😊 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 🎉🩷

VaccineSticker · 02/09/2023 09:52

You can do this OP! Xx

MackenCheese · 02/09/2023 09:53

You are a phenomenal woman. It takes huge guts and strength to do this, and you can see the admiration on this thread. Hoping the police will come soon and that he'll go without a struggle. Your life will get so much better!

Peonyblush81 · 02/09/2023 09:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Redavocadoes · 02/09/2023 10:00

Make sure you tell the police about taking your car without consent too! Is he even insured on it?

I can't believe they are taking so long. Well I can, it was a Friday night and I guess they believe you aren't in immediate danger and can time when you ask him to leave for their arrival, they will be there just to prevent a breach of the peace. Awful though when you are so tense.

Zonder · 02/09/2023 10:03

Do the police know you and your dog are shut away in your bedroom? Presumably neither of you have access to food or drink?

Womblesgash · 02/09/2023 10:04

It won’t be that the Police won’t go because it doesn’t ‘suit’ them.

Every single incident is prioritised when someone calls. 999 calls will always take precedence as will incidents in progress and guess what It’s a weekend when it will be busy…

DancingLedgend · 02/09/2023 10:09

@Cinnamongirlinthesand
Please make sure you spell out to the police that because of your disability (fibromyalgia) he is knowingly causing you significant pain.
Otherwise they might wrongly assume it's a minor act.

You're doing a brave thing.
Hope it's over soon.

DancingWithYourDog · 02/09/2023 10:12

Hang in there OP. The police removed my abuser a couple of years ago. It’s a scary time but you’ll get through it and the peace, safety and happiness the other side is incredible. Remember they can become more dangerous when you are leaving, maybe contact womens aid to figure out a safety plan? You’ve got this x

Whiskeypowers · 02/09/2023 10:14

Hope the police turn up soon.

Zanatdy · 02/09/2023 10:18

Well done OP, takes guts to do that. Come on police, get him out.

AdoraBell · 02/09/2023 10:19

Re the parking ticket, inform them that you were not there and no one else is insured on your car.

Glad the police have responded, good luck moving forward.

Cailin66 · 02/09/2023 10:21

Does it always take the police so long to respond. Now o der some women give up. You stay strong OP. Don’t waiver now on finishing this.

Silvers11 · 02/09/2023 10:26

Thinking of you. I hope the police come very soon

Pottyberry · 02/09/2023 10:27

Keep strong @Cinnamongirlinthesand this is a new start for you, and your dog! It'll be a weight taken off you.
Please tell the police about his cruelty and alcohol abuse.

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