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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting for police to remove abusive partner.

250 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/09/2023 02:45

Just that, dog and I locked in bedroom.Neighbours aware. He's a functioning alcoholic.Have asked him to leave, repeatedly.My home and I pay for everything.I believe in MNs terms he's a cock lodger.Have so had enough. I have to tell him to shower, brush his teeth etc. The loo is left in a disgusting state, shit and wee everywhere yet I'm the unreasonable one. Just want to see the back of him.

OP posts:
DoodlesMam · 02/09/2023 08:18

maybe ring the police again? and can you get a court order to keep him away?

AuntMarch · 02/09/2023 08:18

Ugh, I had an ex who wouldn't believe me when I tried to break up, it was infuriating! Then when he threatened it one day during an argument he was somehow surprised when I agreed. I was supposed to be distraught and beg him not to go I think. He really couldn't see why I'd be unhappy with the way we were living!

Is there someone you can ask to be there when you ask him to leave again this morning?

jeaux90 · 02/09/2023 08:19

If it's safe and he will be passed out for a while get his stuff together in bin liners ready to leave outside.

That way when they do eventually turn up they don't need to escort him back in to collect anything.

If he wakes up and kicks off call the police again.

You said you disposed of the alcohol, will he leave the house to buy more when he wakes up? How does he usually get back into the house?

catrescuelady · 02/09/2023 08:21

Have the police just left you and not even checked to see you are ok??

MansfieldLark · 02/09/2023 08:28

Can you lock him out whe he goes to buy his booze.

Vinrouge4 · 02/09/2023 08:28

Can’t believe the police haven’t arrived yet. Seriously bad.

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 02/09/2023 08:31

No contact from police. I don't want to involve neighbour or family if I can help it.
All his stuff bagged up ready to go.
Hoping he will go out to restock his alcohol, door will be locked behind him, he does not have any keys for house or car.
He's been living with me for a couple of years now.At the start he was sharing a house with some friends but gave it up.
I am so tired, have fibromyalgia, barely sleeping and he thinks it funny to squeeze my wrists really hard, doesn't leave any marks but the pain is unbearable, still hurting from last night.

OP posts:
TheDogthatDug · 02/09/2023 08:33

Do you know any big burly blokes who can help get rid of him

Shadesofscarlett · 02/09/2023 08:33

bloody hell your poor wrists - Women's Aid and Freedom Programme for you too please by the way

MansfieldLark · 02/09/2023 08:34

Your family (if they are half decent) will want to help you, they will. Please talk to them or a friend.

LakeTiticaca · 02/09/2023 08:37

Hope you're OK . Is he likely to get violent when he finds is alcohol gone.?

JFDIYOLO · 02/09/2023 08:37

I'm so sorry.

Perhaps it is time to ask family or friends to come over? So you can free yourselves, get something to eat, have backup with packing his things?

I know it's difficult, embarrassing even, but having someone with you is so valuable.

Are there any women's refuges near you who can do this for you? I'm sorry I don't have knowledge there.

jeaux90 · 02/09/2023 08:37

I'm sorry about your wrists on top of everything else, such an abusive asshole. I'd ring the police again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2023 08:40

I have fibromyalgia. What a horrible thing to do to you, how inhumane. You say he gave the shared place up. It sounds as if he didn’t give you any choice in the matter, is that right?

PostOpOp · 02/09/2023 08:41

Ring the police again, especially if he won't be happy about the alcohol being gone.

So sorry about your wrists on top of everything else. He's sadistic.

Sueveneers · 02/09/2023 08:47

I'd call the police again. Someone obviously hasn't passed the message on to send someone out. Tell them you've been waiting all night for them to come.

Bananalanacake · 02/09/2023 08:52

If he doesn't pay towards bills and isn't on the tenancy he has no right to be there. Well done on getting him out

sandyhappypeople · 02/09/2023 08:58

If he’s been living there for two years are you SURE he hasn’t got any keys?.. even to a back door or a patio door.

if they are upvc doors you can always leave a key in on the inside so they can’t be opened from the outside.

tescocreditcard · 02/09/2023 09:04

Sueveneers · 02/09/2023 08:47

I'd call the police again. Someone obviously hasn't passed the message on to send someone out. Tell them you've been waiting all night for them to come.

Edited

Good idea!

AnneValentine · 02/09/2023 09:08

Sueveneers · 02/09/2023 08:47

I'd call the police again. Someone obviously hasn't passed the message on to send someone out. Tell them you've been waiting all night for them to come.

Edited

They won’t consider it an emergency sadly.

tescocreditcard · 02/09/2023 09:10

AnneValentine · 02/09/2023 09:08

They won’t consider it an emergency sadly.

Show quote history

Well clearly they don't, otherwise they would have been there by now.

However, even for a non-emergency, it's been quite long enough to wait and the OP wouldn't be at all unreasonable to chase them up.

Andthereyougo · 02/09/2023 09:18

There’s no reasoning with an alcoholic.
Fibro will flare with stress, I’ve found.
Fingers crossed he goes out to restock. If he then returns and kicks off the police should arrive, there’s more they can arrest him for in the street.
Hope you’re ok, once he’s gone you’ll feel so much better. 💐

PollyAmour · 02/09/2023 09:18

Get some friends and family round to support you. When he wakes up from his drunken stupor, he might not remember anything about last night. The wrist squeezing is domestic violence, even if he hasn't left marks.

Andthereyougo · 02/09/2023 09:20

Sorry, missed the bit where he squeezed your wrists. What a sadistic bastard.

billybear · 02/09/2023 09:24

please phone the police again say you will be contacting your local mp if they dont hurry up.cry down the phone if you have to .xxxxxxxxxxxx

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