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AIBU?

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Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
weirdoboelady · 01/09/2023 14:38

FFS the partner had a WORK COLLEAGUE stay in their home. But it does appear the OP is a WOM, so I give up.

Dwappy · 01/09/2023 14:38

Cynicaltheorist · 01/09/2023 14:35

Your partner is a gullible fool to have a stranger stay in your home.

I thought I might come back to update and respond to some of the more reasonable comments and questions, but instead I'm going to start looking for a more adult forum full of people who don't assume that every stranger is out to murder them, read every annoying thing a partner does as grounds for leaving the bastard and do answer their doorbells. The paranoia here is quite something.

Even though I'd love an update I agree with you. I wouldn't want to update after a lot of these comments either!

HamBone · 01/09/2023 14:39

Please update us, @Cynicaltheorist , I genuinely want to know what transpired because I’m nosy and I thought your reaction yesterday was fine.

LikeShitMermaids · 01/09/2023 14:40

Cynicaltheorist · 01/09/2023 14:35

Your partner is a gullible fool to have a stranger stay in your home.

I thought I might come back to update and respond to some of the more reasonable comments and questions, but instead I'm going to start looking for a more adult forum full of people who don't assume that every stranger is out to murder them, read every annoying thing a partner does as grounds for leaving the bastard and do answer their doorbells. The paranoia here is quite something.

Great response OP!

Unless, of course, the visitor has indeed murdered the OP and taken over their MN account :-)

ZadocPDederick · 01/09/2023 14:45

I see your point, OP, not sure I would want to feed the idiots either.

But maybe just a couple of lines on how things are going and whether your partner has learnt anything?

Bumcake · 01/09/2023 14:47

Reading between the lines, sounds like a threesome.

SamanthaJonesIsAlwaysRight · 01/09/2023 15:16

I just cannot get my head around why this "colleague/guest/CF" was not directed to the nearest PREMIER INN or TRAVEL LODGE etc ... if this is/was a work training event then he would be on expenses and a hotel should have been part of the budget without question!

OP I very much hope you had a lovely evening with your friend and that DP/DH has a word with himself too!

Do update us @Cynicaltheorist !

Sennelier1 · 01/09/2023 15:17

@RampantIvy I think it's nót o.k. to presume the wife of the person who invited you has nothing else to do the whole day and will be happy to entertain you the whole afternoon. Even somebody not working in a paid job usually has planned things to attend to in the afternoon, especially if your guest is only expected after 7 p.m.

kidsandpuppies · 01/09/2023 15:17

"Cynicaltheorist ·
Your partner is a gullible fool to have a stranger stay in your home.

I thought I might come back to update and respond to some of the more reasonable comments and questions, but instead I'm going to start looking for a more adult forum full of people who don't assume that every stranger is out to murder them, read every annoying thing a partner does as grounds for leaving the bastard and do answer their doorbells. The paranoia here is quite something."

I agree with you Cynicaltheorist, some people here are being ridiculous! Through my previous work in a remote location, I've had strangers stay in my house, men and women, and I've stayed with strangers and everything was fine. Most people are not dangerous and especially in this type of professional context, this person is not a stranger. I also agree that there is some serious cheeky fuckery going on and I liked the way you dealt with it. I hope you didn't make him breakfast 😀

Sennelier1 · 01/09/2023 15:19

@Cynicaltheorist I'm sorry for the situation you are in - been there, done that - and I don't think you should divorce your husband 😊 I didn't!

LylaLee · 01/09/2023 15:20

The reason it would be helpful for you to come with an update is this, OP.

There have been many people participating in the thread and even more reading.

To know: whether the CF apologised.

Had the CFbeen told by your partner you would be waiting for him at 2pm with a meal?

What did your partner say about the whole thing?

Finding out how it all played out for you will help others navigate similar situations in future.

CondimentConfusion · 01/09/2023 15:27

Please update @Cynicaltheorist not all of us are paranoid

Dryona · 01/09/2023 15:27

Most people who are murdered or assaulted find it's at the hands of a person they know, not a stranger.

Malbecmoron · 01/09/2023 15:27

This has happened to me with my husband's friend. Told explicitly to arrive after I had finished work, arrived in the middle of a very important meeting and then acted as if i was the rudest person in the world when I ushered him to a room and told him I was busy. My husband was appalled when he got home but ultimately didn't say anything to his friend.

Riverlee · 01/09/2023 15:36

I wondered how a virtual stranger wheedled his way in staying at op/dp’s house,
rather than staying at a premier inn. I guess that’s the first hint he was a cf.

Anyone else wondered what the event was? If he’s capable enough to be a trainer, plus drive 300 miles to said event, then he must have something between his ears. However, his actions suggest otherwise.

FKATondelayo · 01/09/2023 15:52

OP I might be a paranoid pearl clutcher who thinks every strange man is an axe murderer but I've never had to hide out in my own room while a weird stranger roams my house looking for food.

MavisMcMinty · 01/09/2023 16:00

Cynicaltheorist · 01/09/2023 14:35

Your partner is a gullible fool to have a stranger stay in your home.

I thought I might come back to update and respond to some of the more reasonable comments and questions, but instead I'm going to start looking for a more adult forum full of people who don't assume that every stranger is out to murder them, read every annoying thing a partner does as grounds for leaving the bastard and do answer their doorbells. The paranoia here is quite something.

Ah, ignore them @Cynicaltheorist - honestly, all right-minded women enjoyed your wholly justified rage. Hope your night went well, please update us normal people!

Dryona · 01/09/2023 16:04

FKATondelayo · 01/09/2023 15:52

OP I might be a paranoid pearl clutcher who thinks every strange man is an axe murderer but I've never had to hide out in my own room while a weird stranger roams my house looking for food.

my own family are far weirder house guests. It's all fun and games. But then I was brought up in a culture where you always had a random relation or friend you'd never met before staying.

MavisMcMinty · 01/09/2023 16:05

My theory is that the fella and your partner arranged between them that rather than pay £120/whatever on a hotel, he’ll stay at yours and they’ll claim £120 on expenses and split it between them, all for the price of an official looking receipt.

And if @Cynicaltheorist doesn’t update, that’s the story I’m gonna go with.

CliantheLang · 01/09/2023 16:06

weirdoboelady · 01/09/2023 14:38

FFS the partner had a WORK COLLEAGUE stay in their home. But it does appear the OP is a WOM, so I give up.

Because no woman has EVER been assaulted by a "work colleague".

Dryona · 01/09/2023 16:07

CliantheLang · 01/09/2023 16:06

Because no woman has EVER been assaulted by a "work colleague".

Show quote history

Most women who are assaulted get assaulted by their husbands, partners, brothers, sons.

Loulou599 · 01/09/2023 16:15

The weird MN wives defensiveness re "partner"! They really want coupled up women to say "boyfriend" don't they? What's that about? Despite the fact OP has been been with her partner for longer than the average person takes to marry their "hubby" and divorce

Dryona · 01/09/2023 16:17

Loulou599 · 01/09/2023 16:15

The weird MN wives defensiveness re "partner"! They really want coupled up women to say "boyfriend" don't they? What's that about? Despite the fact OP has been been with her partner for longer than the average person takes to marry their "hubby" and divorce

MN views anyone in an unmarried relationship as inferior.

Delatron · 01/09/2023 16:35

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

In the OP’s message it says ‘This guy is going to arrive shortly, he’s told me he hasn’t had lunch’

That implies the man spoke to the OP? Who told the OP he hadn’t had lunch?

It also implies she had the opportunity to say ‘no I’m working arrive when you said you will’. To either her DP or the man. Somebody told her he was arriving soon.

topnoddy · 01/09/2023 16:48

Blimey Charlie !

Is this still going on and on and on and on ?

OP get it deleted or it will never end !