My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

[Cynicaltheorist]

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

If the OP is rude then this cheeky fucker deserves it. Who rocks up 5 hours early, decides to lie down when they have been told it's not convenient for them to hang around and then asks for food?

The OP has more patience than me, she has a not obliged to extend hospitality to someone who has ignored her boundaries.

The OP's partner needs kicking into touch too. Maybe him and the cheeky fucker guest can book a hotel together and leave OP in peace.

This man sounds unbelievable. I guess some people have the gift (??) of being so without shame that they just do not give a shit what impression they are making or whether they are putting others out. Think it’s outrageous he just went into a room in YOUR home and laid down when you’d asked him to leave. If my partner did this to me I would actually, maybe literally, kill him!

I like your style!

It's not OP's fault that he turned up 5 hours early wanting to be fed.

I haven't read the thread but no way would I let him in. Open the door on the chain and say come back at x time when my husband will be here. Close door firmly.

I agree that he shouldn't have turned up so early, but having been told this was OK, it would only have taken five minutes for the OP to make him welcome and explain why she shouldn't be interrupted until she had finished work.

It's always the same; women must qualify the harm or inconvenience every time they don't want to do something. This guest made plans for his convenience with absolutely no regard for OP, why should she spend even 30 seconds politely and patiently explaining why his untimely arrival prevents her for being the hostess with the mostess?

He's a cheeky fucker who should be grateful he was allowed over the threshold 5 hours early. His arrival time wasn't a surprise to him, it was planned.

@Quitelikeit

Sorry but I think you were downright rude to the stranger. It is not his fault that your partner invited him!

Did you miss this bit? OP isn't the rude one!

I greeted him coolly, said he could leave his stuff but I was busy working from home and he wasn't due until 7pm, so once he'd left his stuff perhaps he could find something to do/ somewhere to go for a few hours. There's a cinema complex a few miles away so I suggested he go there, have something to eat and see a film. He took his bag into the spare room and didn't come out again, so after 15 minutes I knocked. He said he was very tired after driving 300 miles and he just wanted to lie down. As he was already lying down on the bed I didn't have much choice.

You let a rude unknown man to you walk all over you, he completely ignored your request to leave you own home and you did nothing.
You aren't a difficult woman at all.

Did your partner leave his work to come home to be host to his uninvited guest @Cynicaltheorist considering said guest showed up 5 hours earlier than what you were expecting?

Wtaf he walked in asking for food when you had made it clear
This was an inconvenience
Suggested he go somewhere else
You're still working

I would have given him the postcode of your partner and told him he could entertain and feed him.

I agree it was no surprise to the guest that he arrived 5 hours early as this was 100% planned. He could have spoken to the DH before he left on his 300 mile journey which was presumably at 9am and checked if it would be ok.

My assumption is that he deliberately didn't do this in order to force DH's hand.

My thoughts exactly!

I can absolutely get OP being rightly angry with her DP.

I can't believe she told the guy to drop his bag, leave & go to the cinema!

But the guy asking for food was also very rude.

I can't believe she told the guy to drop his bag, leave & go to the cinema!

But OP was working!

‘Hi X, I’m sorry to sound rude but we weren’t expecting you until later. I’m working. The kitchen is there and your room is there. I’m sure iou can sort yourself out, right?! Cheers’

He was rude, yanbu

@Cynicaltheorist I would have been equally livid.
I had male lodgers years ago- didn’t occur to me to be afraid of them- I’d just be annoyed at him turning up 5 hrs early and then expecting to be fed!
He sounds inconsiderate.
Have a good evening with your friend. :)

I don't want strangers rummaging through my fridge. Maybe close family and friends, but not something that I don't know.

Did DH actually tell the guest that he could not arrive before 7pm in the first instance? Or did he not say that?

Presumably you vetted them first, had references, had a deposit. They are less likely to engage in shenanigans somewhere they are going to have to call home for months/years.

@Cynicaltheorist

He's always doing things like this.

So he's seriously inconsiderate of you often - I hope you tear him a new one for landing his equally inconsiderate man on you. Don't bother sugar coating your words.

Enjoy your time out with your friends later. 🌹

The uninvited guest is rude. 5 minutes early (acceptable), 5 hrs early - who does that? I would be seething at husband, and uninvited guest.

Have popcorn, waiting for update. I bet DP is late!

OP, you have done totally the right thing throughout. Hope you have a brilliant evening.

My main objection to this whole scenario is the way DP assumes that your job is in some way less important than his - of COURSE you can accommodate someone arriving 5 hours early, entertain and feed them.....

OP I hope you finished work and fucked off out for a drink with a friend. I'd be bloody furious at the entitlement of the guest and the lack of respect from your partner...oh she can just deal with. JFC.

(partner) was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming from a distance

I'd love to know who did the cornering, the overnight guest or someone else involved in the event? It's very rude to inveigle an invitation and then arrive early. It's even ruder to arrive early, insist on going to bed and then ask for food.

I hope you have a fantastic meal out with your friend tonight OP.

I’m not sure why you’re getting such a hard time on here OP.

Yes he arrived early but it was your DH that was the CF who told him to go straight over knowing you were busy and not expecting him until later.

The only people posters should be being negative about is mostly your CF DH and also slightly less CF early guest.