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Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:05

ImNotWorthy · 31/08/2023 18:34

I can't believe she told the guy to drop his bag, leave & go to the cinema!

But OP was working!

Why did him being in the spare room stop her working though?

BellaJuno · 31/08/2023 19:09

You’ve got more of a backbone than your partner OP! Well done for your response, massively presumptuous of the guest to turn up early and massively presumptuous of your partner to assume you’d be happy about it. Enjoy your evening!

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:11

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 18:29

My thoughts exactly!

I can absolutely get OP being rightly angry with her DP.

I can't believe she told the guy to drop his bag, leave & go to the cinema!

But the guy asking for food was also very rude.

Show quote history

I can't believe she told the guy to drop his bag, leave & go to the cinema!

But why can’t you believe this…?

The only person his earlier arrival wasn’t run by was the only person it impacted - the OP.

This man is a rude stranger. The issue was created by the OP’s partner.

The OP owes him nothing - not entry to her house and definitely not politeness.

And I say this as someone who’s very social, welcoming and up for hosting IRL.

Riverlee · 31/08/2023 19:23

“ So he prioritised his own convenience over ours. “

That sums up the situation. Who plans to arrive Five Hours early just to avoid the traffic. Arrive an hour early, because the traffic was better than expected, fair enough, but not five hours.

I’m guessing three hundred hours would take five or six hours to drive. So he decided to leave early morning, rather than lunchtime.

BellaJuno · 31/08/2023 19:26

He could still have left early and amused himself until arriving at the time he’d managed to get the OP’s partner to agree to. But arriving early when he’d already pushed to be allowed to stay in the first place is beyond rude.

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:28

@EarringsandLipstick I don't know what the OP does but I work on very commercially confidential stuff. I can't have anyone overhearing what I'm talking about a lot of the time.

Also, he barged in while she was in a meeting. He had zero respect for her or her work.

This thread is beginning to remind me of that one recently where a bloke sent his naked children to disturb the OP while he knew she was delivering a presentation.

GreekDogRescue · 31/08/2023 19:31

I’d be furious

Delatron · 31/08/2023 19:32

I think those condoning the rude guest need to go back and read the OP.

There were ‘an increasing number of infuriating phone calls’ so rude! And then

’He told me he hadn’t had lunch’ Why?! Why, when he was so early did he not stop for food. Why did he feel the need to tell the OP he had not had lunch (because he wanted her to make him lunch)

Why did he not listen when she told him she had work and could he go back out and amuse himself?

OP’s DH is massively out of order but who behaves like this as a guest?!

justasking111 · 31/08/2023 19:32

@Cynicaltheorist have a lovely evening with your friend.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:34

I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm

This was never passed onto CF, and certainly never agreed to by him.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:38

@CrazyArmadilloLady

The OP owes him nothing - not entry to her house and definitely not politeness.

I agree she 'owes' him nothing.

However I see no need to be rude to a stranger. The issue was with her DP - absolutely. Not the guest. The guest called ahead to DP.

I do agree he was rude re food etc.

But I can't see why it mattered him being in the spare room?

But yes, her DP is an arse for doing this.

Seaweed42 · 31/08/2023 19:38

I hope it's a fund-raising charity event and not a bloody lads hiking trip he's organising.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:39

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:28

@EarringsandLipstick I don't know what the OP does but I work on very commercially confidential stuff. I can't have anyone overhearing what I'm talking about a lot of the time.

Also, he barged in while she was in a meeting. He had zero respect for her or her work.

This thread is beginning to remind me of that one recently where a bloke sent his naked children to disturb the OP while he knew she was delivering a presentation.

Would he have overheard in the spare room? 🤔

Yes as said, he was rude about food.

But it's fully a DP issue here.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 31/08/2023 19:41

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:34

I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm

This was never passed onto CF, and certainly never agreed to by him.

It wasn't his place to "agree to" it though, because it's not his home.

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:41

He was invited for 7pm and turned up at 2pm, even though he knew the bloke who'd invited him wouldn't be there.

He's treating the OP's home like a hotel where he wants to get his money's worth by checking in as soon as he's able. And asking for food!

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks this is acceptable

NewName122 · 31/08/2023 19:42

You're a Saint OP. Enjoy your evening out!

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:42

@EarringsandLipstick he barged into the OP's room while she was working

Greenpolkadot · 31/08/2023 19:43

What a CF .asking you if there was ' anything to eat '
I just can believe the arrogance of the tosser and I am seething on your behalf OP

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:44

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks this is acceptable

Is anyone saying it's acceptable? (Maybe they are, haven't read all posts).

It's not acceptable. At all. But it's a DP issue - he should not have agreed to guest coming.

MrsMous · 31/08/2023 19:45

Why in earth could he not have got a b&b ?! I would have said a firm no. Strangers sleeping in your home? No chance .

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:46

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:42

@EarringsandLipstick he barged into the OP's room while she was working

I know. I commented on that in my first post saying it was unacceptable.

Staying in the spare room (which she initially didn't want him to do) wouldn't have been an issue.

I don't think this guy's behaviour is acceptable. At all.

But it's fully DP's fault for allowing him to come early.

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:46

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:44

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks this is acceptable

Is anyone saying it's acceptable? (Maybe they are, haven't read all posts).

It's not acceptable. At all. But it's a DP issue - he should not have agreed to guest coming.

No he shouldn't. But equally, the other bloke shouldn't have turned up at all. And when the OP suggested he go to the cinema and get some food, he should have got the message loud and clear and pissed off.

This thread is why I don't invite people to stay other than family. People really have no manners.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:50

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:46

I know. I commented on that in my first post saying it was unacceptable.

Staying in the spare room (which she initially didn't want him to do) wouldn't have been an issue.

I don't think this guy's behaviour is acceptable. At all.

But it's fully DP's fault for allowing him to come early.

Show quote history

Sorry, but it’s not ‘fully’ the partner’s fault.

The rude, uninvited guest is actually at fault here, too!

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:52

@Clymene

Oh I agree. It's mental that the man thought any part of this was ok (staying with a stranger, coming early, interrupting OP).

But the fault lies squarely with OP's DP who has been massively disrespectful.

GLORIAGloriarse · 31/08/2023 19:53

Funny response, to permit the guest to do whatever he likes but quite sneeringly imply that posters here are pathetic little women terrified of nothing in particular. It is not the case.

Advice here has been sensible and hasn't gone into assuming he is a murderer. It wasn't clear whether he was well known to you if not in person, and he has overridden every boundary so far to suit himself. Coming to stay at all, arrival time, not leaving the house, not going for food at the cinema complex, not entering your workspace.

It doesn't matter that DP gave him opposing impressions, OP was the one at home and he should have gone with her wishes.

The man sounds like a bit of an oddball and did so from making a nuisance of himself initially. This is why PPs advised caution, not paranoia. People speak from experience, not fantasy.