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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

307 replies

Pixieb34 · 31/08/2023 11:05

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2023 20:01

PinkTonic · 31/08/2023 19:59

It simply cannot be the case that my generation’s children had bladder control and the right hormones around the age of two, and today’s children are not acquiring these until 3-4 years old. What has changed in the interim is that the disposable nappies are now so excellent that they don’t feel discomfort when they wee, and don’t register the feelings. I’m not talking about catching wees, I mean reliably clean and dry during the day within a couple of months of 2nd birthday.

Show quote history

True.

guiltyfeethavegotnorythym · 31/08/2023 20:07

Both my kids were toilet trained around two . Back then to get into playgroup they had to be dry . So there was definitely the incentive to get them dry .

ChristmasKraken · 31/08/2023 21:00

PinkTonic · 31/08/2023 19:59

It simply cannot be the case that my generation’s children had bladder control and the right hormones around the age of two, and today’s children are not acquiring these until 3-4 years old. What has changed in the interim is that the disposable nappies are now so excellent that they don’t feel discomfort when they wee, and don’t register the feelings. I’m not talking about catching wees, I mean reliably clean and dry during the day within a couple of months of 2nd birthday.

Show quote history

It could still be conditioning. My brother used to get put on the potty before every meal. Even now, as an adult, if someone says its dinner time, he has to go to the toilet first...

QueenCamilla · 31/08/2023 21:09

ImGoingThroughChanges · 31/08/2023 11:07

No, I never taught my 23 year old to use cutlery so he still uses his fingers and a plastic spoon 🙄

Exactly 😁

My one still wears velcro shoes and can't cut out shapes.

nonheme · 31/08/2023 21:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

43ontherocksporfavor · 31/08/2023 21:54

I work in primary and it’s quite shocking. I see chn pick sliced meat in gravy up with hands and prod a whole sausage and bite it mid air regularly and I’m NOT talking year R to 2!

daffodilandtulip · 31/08/2023 21:55

Today I asked a 4yo to not lick the beans from their plate. (I don't even know how that's easier than using a spoon tbh.)

CurlewKate · 31/08/2023 22:00

People talking about cultures that don't use knives and forks- if people eat with their fingers or chopsticks there are socially acceptable and polite ways of doing it. You don't just grab a handful of food and stuff it in!

nonheme · 31/08/2023 22:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JenniferBarkley · 31/08/2023 22:32

43ontherocksporfavor · 31/08/2023 21:54

I work in primary and it’s quite shocking. I see chn pick sliced meat in gravy up with hands and prod a whole sausage and bite it mid air regularly and I’m NOT talking year R to 2!

It might not be easier but I'm guessing when you're 4 it's much more fun Grin

43ontherocksporfavor · 31/08/2023 22:38

I did say im
not talking year R (4) to Y2(age 7)

jannier · 31/08/2023 22:57

PinkTonic · 31/08/2023 19:59

It simply cannot be the case that my generation’s children had bladder control and the right hormones around the age of two, and today’s children are not acquiring these until 3-4 years old. What has changed in the interim is that the disposable nappies are now so excellent that they don’t feel discomfort when they wee, and don’t register the feelings. I’m not talking about catching wees, I mean reliably clean and dry during the day within a couple of months of 2nd birthday.

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Children are typically ready around 30 months some sooner some later. If they are really ready it takes a few days to a week not the weeks/months it used to take in the 60s when many children were left naked in the garden or fed on the potty. The oh crap book is going back towards this bare bum and catch wee for weeks approach by the time you work through the stages your child is 3 months training. It's also common for early trained children to revert at times of stress.

Witchcraftandhokum · 31/08/2023 23:10

I work in a secondary school and judging by what I see every lunch time.I'd say most pparents don't. Prom was horrendous, they had no idea how to sit at a table and eat a meal.

Rosebel · 31/08/2023 23:34

We encourage the children in preschool to use cutlery and the vast majority do so anyway.
However we are a multi culture society and for some families it is their culture to eat with their hands so we can't just blame it on parents not being bothered.
My 3 year old can't use a knife (he has SEN) and you might think I was a lazy parent if you saw him eating with a spoon and fork but it is what it is.
When my older two were at nursery I was complimented because they were two of the few children who sat nicely at the table and knew basic manners. That was over 10 years ago so obviously not a new thing.

JenniferBarkley · 31/08/2023 23:45

43ontherocksporfavor · 31/08/2023 22:38

I did say im
not talking year R (4) to Y2(age 7)

Gah, sorry, quoted the wrong post - meant to quote @daffodilandtulip 's post about the 4yo with the beans. Which my 5 and 3 yos would definitely love to do, especially when they're pretending to be animals, but mean old me doesn't allow it because even though I don't think correct usage of a knife and fork is essential at this age I do have my limits Grin

(Btw, year R to year 2 means nothing to me, I'm not British and while I do live in the UK now I'm in NI where we label our classes differently. Year 2 reads like second year to me which is 13&14 year olds where I'm from. Ages are much easier to understand, the don't change from country to country and region to region Grin)

TheGoogleMum · 31/08/2023 23:54

DD prefers to use her fingers over cutlery. We do try but she is difficult about it! (She is 4)

Funnyhahaha · 01/09/2023 06:37

My soon to be at secondary school DS struggles massively with cutlery (ditto laces, handwriting, buttons etc). At home we practice. Eating out we may remind but leave him to do what’s comfortable as it’s a treat for us to eat out. I imagine we are judged at times as he appears to be a typical 11 yr old, just like he appeared to be a typical 4 year old in nappies.

The reason is that he struggles with fine motor skills to the point of needing OT support, gross and fine motor exercises etc. it comes from neglect from birth to pre-school that resulted in him being removed from birth family and into foster care before being placed with us. Crawling is pretty vital to developing fine motor skills and he didn’t/couldn’t crawl as spent significant time strapped in a seat.

The judgement doesn’t bother me, we just keep on doing what we are doing to help and support, but one the face of it we appear to be a family who haven’t taught correct use of cutlery (and therefore manners).

PinkTonic · 01/09/2023 07:31

jannier · 31/08/2023 22:57

Children are typically ready around 30 months some sooner some later. If they are really ready it takes a few days to a week not the weeks/months it used to take in the 60s when many children were left naked in the garden or fed on the potty. The oh crap book is going back towards this bare bum and catch wee for weeks approach by the time you work through the stages your child is 3 months training. It's also common for early trained children to revert at times of stress.

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My children, all my nieces and nephews and the children of my friends were all ready at around 2. Born second half of 1980s. Not left naked or fed on potty, or put on potty before meals or anything like that. It took a few days to a week. We weren’t trying to save on washing, we had disposable nappies.There’s a moment when you can see they know they are about to do it.

They could all also use cutlery before starting school and knew when it’s appropriate to eat chips with your fingers and when it isn’t, didn’t eat or drink away from the table and during primary school years acquired the ability to use e.g. chopsticks in a Japanese restaurant or crack crab claws in a seafood place. Despite me being such a harridan and forcing all this on them rather than ‘letting them be children’ they all have great relationships with their parents and each other and have the social skills to successfully navigate all areas of life.

Stormydayagain · 01/09/2023 08:22

My DD (5) was doing 90+% of poos on the potty by the time she was one and out of nappies by two. We still have to get her up for the toilet when we go to bed though otherwise she would frequently wet the bed.

She also knows to sit down when she eats and certainly never runs around with food in her mouth (I'm a paramedic and paranoid of choking) and will choose to leave half a fun size packet of sweets in her lunch box "for another day".

She's rubbish with cutlery and has velcro shoes, and I'm really not that bothered, she'll get their in her own time and it will be a lot less stressful than the constant hen pecking and criticism I experienced as a child.

43ontherocksporfavor · 01/09/2023 08:28

Didn’t bother potty training until almost 3. It took less than a week both times.

43ontherocksporfavor · 01/09/2023 08:30

Then again I was a sahm and they went to playgroup 2 mornings 9-11 aged 2 yr 9mth which was the earliest then so I started in preparation for nursery every morning from age 3 as they had to be dry then.

Maggiethecat · 01/09/2023 08:54

Was at a wedding and it wasn’t nice to see my 10 year old niece struggle to eat her meat. It was the first time meeting her and it seems she doesn’t know how to use a knife so had to lower her head to her plate and hold the meat while biting bits off.

My sis says she tries to get them to eat with knife/fork at home but seems spoon is the way.

user123212 · 01/09/2023 09:27

Reugny · 31/08/2023 14:39

It really isn't.

My DD will be one of the oldest in the year when she starts school, while another friends' child will be one of the youngest.

There is a real difference in their manual dexterity skills including use of cutlery due to the nearly year age difference.

Show quote history

Exactly. Forget the knife and fork, i'm still waiting for the dexterity for DC to use chopsticks!

Original poster
Pixieb34 · 01/09/2023 09:42

Really interesting to read all of the differing thoughts and approaches to this!
I think my views align with the posters who have mentioned how they feel it’s important to equip your child, not only with the basic skills to use cutlery, but also so they can feel comfortable and confident in different areas of life and around different people…that they know the ‘rules’ of social etiquette. I know some may not deem this important and each to their own, but it still is to some!

OP posts:
Gertrudetheadelie · 01/09/2023 10:51

I do think it's important to note that what you see at school may not be the way they behave at home so it would be helpful for people to reserve judgment on their skills or otherwise!