Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

[Pixieb34]

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

I have 2 children and taught them the same, my daughter has very good eating manners, my son (15) struggles. He can't eat mouth closed because he has an inversed jaw (not overly visible but has been referred by dentist) and we re-teaching him now how to use cutlery. We are having a "good wave" at the moment meaning he is happy, so he is listening and willing.

Mumsnet need to address this child/parent bashing. There’s lots of talk about ageism on here, which I agree also seems to have increased, but these threads are no better. How sad that people feel the need to do it.

I wonder if this relates at all to baby led weaning? I'm not bashing it, we followed BLW ourselves, but it does mean you start with tiny ones feeding themselves using their hands (because no 6 month old can use a fork independently!). Obviously you do introduce cutlery but it's a gradual process and a bit of a gray area (to me!) when you might begin to insist on cutlery use. My 4 year old can cut things with a knife and fork but doesn't eat with both utensils in her hands at one time. Amidst other battles I must admit I can't see myself fighting his one.

We try with our 5 year old - focus on grip for the knife and fork, always using both knife and fork at home, cake forks for sticky puddings, sit up at the table and wait etc. However, I watched him eat at a party and was mortified by the speed he shoved it and and the use of his hand to shove more cake in!

I think some of it is actually habit acquired FROM school where they shovel it fast in order to get out to play.

I have always eaten with my fork in my right hand and my knife in my left. That is what is comfortable for me. Who gives a fuck?

At a big family celebratory meal in a hotel some years ago, my then 14-year-old nephew dug his hands into the big serving dish of chips to serve himself. I was about to say something when his much scarier aunt on his other side said briskly 'now then Timmy, there's a perfectly good tool in the dish already, we don't put our bare hands into food that other people are going to eat'. He nodded, took the advice on board and used the serving implement. My in-laws, his grand-parents - said later they'd been teaching him table manners when he came to stay, as they thought it was about time and obviously his parents hadn't bothered.

Depends what they’re eating 🤷🏽‍♀️

I was a Brownie Leader until about 5 years ago (ages 7-10).
It constantly amazed me at residential events how many children didn't know how to use a knife and fork, or even eat sitting at a table.

This isn't a new observation. I remember my year 1 teacher telling me she knew my family ate at a table because I was the only kid who knew how to use a knife and fork properly.
My family never ate dinner at a table and my school Christmas dinner went cold because it took me and my dyspraxia so long to eat the damn thing perfectly.

@Blinkinbloodyhayfever I agree - all meals in my house at the table with cutlery as appropriate, eaten with adults and proper table manners enforced and modelled. Both DC would still spear a whole chunk of something on a fork and eat it like a lollipop, tear food apart with fingers rather than cut it, wipe greasy hands on their clothes…it’s sheer bloody laziness and infuriates me! And I can honestly say this behaviour has been pounced on and addressed every single time for the best part of a decade. Kids are bloody annoying.

I’m a lunch time supervisor in ks2 and there has been a decline in children using cutlery correctly. The majority can’t cut food. We remind them however we don’t have time teach them.

I recall over 40 years ago a Head of Infants was told by the wife of an army officer that her child starting school would need to be fed as he 'wasn't ready' to use cutlery. The teacher replied, That's OK, lunch is at 12 o'clock so if you get here by 5 to 12 that'll be great! Oddly the child learned to use cutlery by the time he started school two weeks later.

My 4 year old, just last night officially can now use a knife and fork. (Toddler ones), still eats with his mouth open but he’ll learn. They do learn basic manners, but it’s hard to teach young kids and not nice to pass judgement.

My 4 year old doesn't eat with a knife and fork in both hands but he does use them. He can cut easy things up no problem but tougher things is a no go.
Don't think I agree on the BLW comment DS2 uses cutlery and is 18 months old and is BLW.

I think there is a big difference between doing things gently and making meal times a battle ground with children told off for not doing things the way an adult expects. I have already had major food issues with DS1 (he went through a stage of not eating anything other then beige food for 18 months and eating like a sparrow his weight dropped) there is no way I am doing anything other then gentle encouragement. We do teach manners though asking to get down etc

Oops, made me think. My daughter is 5 and no, she does not get a knife at table. If we are at a restaurant we remove the knife, or the waiters themselves remove the knife when my daughter sits at her alloted place. It is the done thing, basic safety. But then I am Spanish and it may be a cultural thing. Was trying to think back as to when my English mother gave us a knife, I would have been at least 6, minimum. Had to smile at pp saying they gave their 1 year old toddler a knife!!!!! No way would that happen in my house.

@AtomicBlondeRose ha! So much of our dinner time conversation is: if it is too big to go in in one go, CUT IT! So I feel that pain. He's pretty good but we have to be hawk-eyed or he'll be trying to shove in a whole bit pie or nibbling off a broccoli tree so I dread to imagine what the teachers think of him 😬

My 4 year old twins do use cutlery but only one at a time if that makes sense. They don't hold a knife and fork at the same time, and yes they do use a combination of fork, spoon & fingers when eating.

I have, but I have to remind my 8 year old every single mealtime, and my 10yo frequently as well. He’s the worst for closing his goddamned mouth despite being nagged every time we eat together.

What do you mean by "able to use cutlery"?

I think most kids can use cutlery one way or another.

My experience is that using cutlery "correctly" is on the decline.

No problem with cutting things up for primary aged children, but then I’d expect them to use a fork or knife and fork, rather than fingers.

I was castigated on here a while ago, on a similar thread, when I mentioned being in a chain restaurant and bar, just for a drink, where a family of three were having a roast lunch. The teenage girl lay across the bench seat and ate her lunch, picking up all the food with her fingers, tearing at the meat and potatoes and the rest of it.

If a child is not toilet trained when starting school, without a genuine medically certified reason, then the parent should make arrangements for someone to be on call to go into the school to deal with it. No member of staff should have to compensate for lazy parents,

I think this is an interesting question because it’s something I’ve only recently sort of noticed in my own Ds - I will preface this by saying he has fairly severe autism and learning difficulties, he’s 11 but more like a 5 year old and attends a complex needs school. I’ve realised that I’ve never really tried to encourage him to use cutlery - that sounds awful I know but he had dietary difficulties for years and would only eat finger foods and then it was things like pizza and chips etc if we went out anywhere so no cutlery required. My eldest child now aged 20 (!) was sitting using a knife and fork by about 4 I think. I think a lot of the foods we all eat now as families are stuff we hold - tacos, pizza, chips, wraps, and so on. Eating out is often fast food finger / hand holding stuff. I think that’s what made everyone stop bothering. We ate out a lot on holiday in Spain recently and Ds did really well using cutlery after watching us and us encouraging him. It’s definitely a skill children should be learning.

It's expected at DS's school, including the attached pre-school. Teachers eat all meals in the main hall with the children to model good manners and so forth, but they absolutely don't help with cutting up food etc and eating with hands isn't tolerated. DS hasn't starved, nor to my knowledge has any of his classmates. Short of there being SEN involved, no 4/5 year old child upwards should be incapable of using cutlery.

Do you mean use cutlery 'properly' op?

If so I'm with you. But then I give you American cutlery use. Perhaps it's coming from there. It gives me the rage when I watch my American family eat - internal rage obv, I'm not that much of a dick.

I laughed at this. My family is American too. Everyone just eats with a fork. They use the fork to cut everything like a knife by holding the fork sideways. 😆