Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

[Pixieb34]

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

@Pebblesontheside from long and occasionally bitter experience as a primary teacher ... the "two fingers pointing" method works pretty well eg one finger on the back of the knife and one on the back of the fork

There was a memo sent around to all parents in 2012 stating we don't have to teach that anymore.

I'm in my 40s. I wouldn't have known at aged 7 you used a fork to eat cake because the only time I had cakes that required cutlery at that age was at school. At school we used spoons.

Cutlery use like that is class and/or ethnicity based.

I have a 9yr old and 5yr old. They both know how to use cutlery and have reasonable table manners, although need to odd promt

I have a 9yr old and 5yr old. They both know how to use cutlery and have reasonable table manners, although need to odd prompt

I agree with the Pp who has observed young adults in restaurants eating in a limp-wristed helpless way. It feels like pro-anorexia signalling, as if they’re unused to eating.

On another note, my primary school in the 70s had mixed ages eating together. 7 year olds had the job of laying the table properly, including dessert spoon and fork. Nowadays they use shaped metal troughs trays. 11 year olds were the head of the table and went up to get served last when the dinner ladies were able to supervise.

A sweet little girl and I were moved to the last table in the line which was full of energetic boys with huge appetites that wolfed down any leftovers. The dinner ladies hoped we’d be a good influence…

It really isn't.

My DD will be one of the oldest in the year when she starts school, while another friends' child will be one of the youngest.

There is a real difference in their manual dexterity skills including use of cutlery due to the nearly year age difference.

I taught my two DC. They are perfectly capable of using a knife and fork but now they're older, half of the time they eat with their fingers! They don't do this inappropriately though - like in a restaurant or in company. But apparently DP and I don't count😆

It’s hardly parent bashing, it’s a comment on the lack of basic skills.

Your husband would only use a fork to eat sausages or a chop? So does that mean he just spears it and then takes bites off it? If so, not using a knife and fork correctly 🤷‍♀️

I taught them how to use a knife and fork, but I use my knife with my left hand so I’m not perfect. 😂

I’m 45. Nobody taught me how to use cutlery. All self-taught.

I have a 3 1/2 old dd. I teach her how to use cutlery. And table manners.

I don’t think it’s a generational thing.

My Mum and Gran used to have specific special little cake forks and when I used to have cake at home they were absolutely horrified if I used a normal fork 😳😆 Both were very upper middle class and set in their ways. Meal times were always a lot of fun 😳🙄

I'm idly wondering if there's a divide that falls between women who had their kids before 1993 or after/the equivalent number of SAHM in those eras. Aka, when stat maternity properly began.

The world has become increasingly complicated and "self-service" since then, and dual household incomes have become the norm. So women are 1) more able and likely to work and 2) more likely to have a million and one bastard things to do.

I have found that women who didn't have access to maternity leave make shitty comments about it to me. Men don't know what to say. Younger women without children don't care. Women who had kids under current mat laws take it for granted as an entitlement.

But also that older people make more complaints about the world being self-service these days, not learning IT skills for the modern world, and not experiencing all the things expected of younger generations.

In short, my speculative theory would be that younger generations have more rights and entitlements, but potentially more responsibilities too. And that causes a shift in expectations. Older generations see the extra rights, but not the extra responsibilities. Hence time-pressed mums skipping the cutlery lessons.

(I am not suggesting that anyone couldn't or shouldn't teach kids to use cutlery/do IT etc - just feels like a general correlation to me)

My MIL worked in a school until very recently. They are now sending out a letter explaining that children are expected to be able to use cutlery, dress themselves and take themselves to the toilet when they start school. (Obviously children with medical issues would still be able to access help)

But even if you’re not left handed and you prefer to use your knife in your left hand - it’s still not the wrong hand!

I totally agree @DragonflyLady. anyone who thinks this is still in the dark ages.

Actively choosing to prioritise enjoyment of healthy food, conversation, sitting nicely etc at the table over use of cutlery isn't lazy parenting,

It is quite possible to enjoy healthy food, converse at meals times and teach children how to use cutlery properly.

There was a HUGE thread on this exact topic a while back and certain MumsNetters get incredibly angry about people like us. We were called all sorts (including lazy, stupid and uncouth) and it was quite shocking to read.

I posted on that thread in defence of left handers. Why make someone use their knife in their non dominant hand? It just means they are more likely to shoot peas (or other food items) across the table. Maybe the anti left hand knife users all went to Oxbridge where they have formal dinners at long trestle tables?

I taught them how to use a knife and fork, but I use my knife with my left hand so I’m not perfect.

Yes, you are @dutysuite

I must be the same age as you. I hated being the first year "child" with a fourth year "Daddy" and "Mummy" teaching me how to be a family when we were at primary school.

It's weird or as my mum said to the headmistress: "I teach Limited how to behave. I'm not having Joan's daughter Carole playing mummies and daddies with Jean's son Kevin while Limited is just trying to eat her liver and bacon."

My mum was "that mum" who was probably talked about in the staff room but she didn't give a shit and I learned that and many other valuable lessons from her.

I can use cutlery.

I think baby led weaning could be part of the issue, they start feeding themselves with fingers and parents let them keep doing it. My kids on the other hand were spoon weaned with just some finger foods and used a spoon and fork from. 1 or so then a knife from 21/2 or so, with help cutting at first of course. We did sit at the table always as a family so they saw us with cutlery too

My son has special needs and can use a knife and fork correctly because I spent the considerable time and effort teaching him . I was shocked at his first MS school party where none of them seemed to be able to use them !🙈

I like pastry forks.... and soup spoons, dessert forks and dessert knives... We own (and use) them all but we're not upper middle class!

Having said that (and probably somewhat proving your point), one set of my grandparents were upper middle class and that is how I learnt "proper" table etiquette: the correct use of cutlery and utensils, how to ask for and pass things politely, never sitting with elbows on the table, never speaking (or chewing) with mouth open.... the list goes on! Meal times could also be interesting/boring, but I learnt a great deal and have found myself able to competently advise others about cutlery in fancy restaurants 🤣

Cobblers.
DD and her peers did BLW and all eat properly with cutlery.

Lazy parenting is the cause. I suspect those that were spoon fed jars of gloop or those heinous pouches go on to be fed fishfingers and nuggets on the sofa just as much.

My DD starts reception next week and we had a home visit from the teacher in June. They went through the things they ideally wanted them to be able to do, going to the toilet independently was one, as was being able to zip up a coat. Cutlery wasn't mentioned.

It's not parent or child bashing to comment on a phenomenon that has been widely reported by child care providers and teachers- that children are tending to acquire basic skills later than they did. It might be interesting to consider why, and whether it matters.

Ah so I tried so hard but my 10 year old still no matter how hard we try use a knife and fork.
but we are waiting an OT assessment because she also struggles with hand writing / buttons and generally anything that requires her hands / fingers.

@Pottedpalm

How does putting your cutlery a certain way on a plate after you’ve eaten or not putting your elbows on the table, help with having a decent career?

What is your career and how have your table manners helped you with it?

So many ‘table manners’ are just pointless exercises to waste time.