Page 10 | Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

Pixieb34 · 2023-08-31T10:05:21+00:00

Genuine question… Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays? I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish. Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

defi · 31/08/2023 17:23

It's the norm in some cultures to eat with their hands.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 17:25

defi · 31/08/2023 17:23

It's the norm in some cultures to eat with their hands.

Yes. This has already been established.

ChristmasKraken · 31/08/2023 17:39

JenniferBarkley · 31/08/2023 16:42

I do think there's something in this. Presumably kids who have fed from a spoon from babyhood are more comfortable with cutlery than those who were encouraged to eat with their hands. Sets an early default as it were.

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I think this is a misunderstanding about blw though. We did it with our son, but we gave him spoons of food that he could pick up and feed himself. BLW doesn't mean no cutlery whatsoever, it just means they lead with what they eat.

Susuwatariandkodama · 31/08/2023 17:40

LadyPenelope68 · 31/08/2023 14:44

Your husband would only use a fork to eat sausages or a chop? So does that mean he just spears it and then takes bites off it? If so, not using a knife and fork correctly 🤷‍♀️

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Yep! He’d might cut the sausages with the fork though or he just stab it and eat with on the fork. He only uses a knife for steak or gammon etc but again, he only picks up the knife if he needs to use it. I’d say over 90% of his meals he only uses a fork.

jannier · 31/08/2023 17:41

FightingFate · 31/08/2023 11:24

Perhaps it's because some are bought on "fast foods" and takeaways?

Yes, that’ll be it. Parents just frisbee a McDonald’s at them 3 times a day. 🙄

I've known children arrive with a McD for lunch parents pick it up from the breakfast menu The child is is supposed to have it cold a few hours later.

Stormydayagain · 31/08/2023 17:44

My DD is 5 and is pretty poor with cutlery, but I'm not going to turn meal time in to a battleground as it was when I was a child (over many things not just cutlery).

I'm confident that by the time my DD attends her first formal dinner event or visits a Michelin starred restaurant she'll have cracked it.

nonheme · 31/08/2023 17:48

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nonheme · 31/08/2023 17:51

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Pottedpalm · 31/08/2023 17:55

So many people saying ‘pick your battles’. It’s not a battle, it’s part of the whole parenting journey. Keep demonstrating, encouraging and yes, insisting that they try, just as we do with all the other skills.

Simonjt · 31/08/2023 17:58

We don’t really use cutlery, so no, not really, our eight year can use a knife and fork if he needs to, but it isn’t something we use at home.

Pottedpalm · 31/08/2023 17:58

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All well and good in the appropriate setting but children need to understand how to behave at table in more formal settings so as not to feel uncomfortable and at a disadvantage. It does matter.

DiscoStusMoonboots · 31/08/2023 17:59

Highlyflavouredgravy · 31/08/2023 11:08

I work in a primary school and lunchtime is like feeding time at the zoo. I would say a sizeable majority don't use cutlery properly if at all.

Completely agree - it's one of our focus points for the coming year at school.

jannier · 31/08/2023 18:00

thecatsthecats · 31/08/2023 15:06

I'm idly wondering if there's a divide that falls between women who had their kids before 1993 or after/the equivalent number of SAHM in those eras. Aka, when stat maternity properly began.

The world has become increasingly complicated and "self-service" since then, and dual household incomes have become the norm. So women are 1) more able and likely to work and 2) more likely to have a million and one bastard things to do.

I have found that women who didn't have access to maternity leave make shitty comments about it to me. Men don't know what to say. Younger women without children don't care. Women who had kids under current mat laws take it for granted as an entitlement.

But also that older people make more complaints about the world being self-service these days, not learning IT skills for the modern world, and not experiencing all the things expected of younger generations.

In short, my speculative theory would be that younger generations have more rights and entitlements, but potentially more responsibilities too. And that causes a shift in expectations. Older generations see the extra rights, but not the extra responsibilities. Hence time-pressed mums skipping the cutlery lessons.

(I am not suggesting that anyone couldn't or shouldn't teach kids to use cutlery/do IT etc - just feels like a general correlation to me)

Where do you get the idea that late 80s early 90s mums mainly stayed home. Everyone I knew went back to full time 8.30 to 5 jobs from around 12 to 14 weeks we needed 2 salaries to pay the mortgage

jannier · 31/08/2023 18:02

ghostyslovesheets · 31/08/2023 16:35

Thanks @RampantIvy but the thing is - you wouldn;t know to look at them that they where any different - same as lots of ND kids

I'm guessing the school teachers would know though and it's them saying more children can't use cutlery

guiltyfeethavegotnorythym · 31/08/2023 18:13

HappiDaze · 31/08/2023 14:10

My DS was a bit meh with his knife skills so I always gave him a knife which was more serrated than the others so he could cut through tougher food items better.

DD is 2 years younger than him and she managed fine.

You're doing the right thing so he'll be fine.

He knows the concept of using a knife and why etc and how people around him use cutlery. That's all you can do

I'm sure that once when he wasn't holding it quite right I gently put my hands over his to manipulate them into the right position for him to cut better

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Ha ha you just triggered a memory of my mother and me . Me holding the cutlery and her hands over mine cutting the food. Must have done the same with mine .

Reugny · 31/08/2023 18:15

jannier · 31/08/2023 16:43

So how come 5 year olds always used to be able to eat with a knife and fork and now 9 year olds can't?

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The children I'm talking about are nearly 5 and just turned 4 who are both going to school in a week or two.

The older one can eat with a knife and fork, the younger one can't. At the same meal where both were eating the younger one was trying to copy the older one.

By the time the younger one is 5, if they continue to copy their slightly older peers, they will be able to eat with a knife and fork.

I have no idea about 9 year olds skills because the children I know who are younger or older - so family and friends' children - can eat with cutlery.

Pottedpalm · 31/08/2023 18:22

@jannier I was quoting @Itsnotrightbutitsok, and disagreeing!

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/08/2023 18:25

I knew someone who had to teach an 11 y o on a school trip how to use cutlery.

Reugny · 31/08/2023 18:27

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/08/2023 18:25

I knew someone who had to teach an 11 y o on a school trip how to use cutlery.

My DD learnt by watching people and copying. This started before she was one. I have a video of her feeding herself with a spoon at 11 months.

So if the 11 year old has no dexterity issues then they likely don't have people around them using cutlery to copy from.

JenniferBarkley · 31/08/2023 18:36

Pottedpalm · 31/08/2023 17:55

So many people saying ‘pick your battles’. It’s not a battle, it’s part of the whole parenting journey. Keep demonstrating, encouraging and yes, insisting that they try, just as we do with all the other skills.

Parenting is a twenty year odyssey in picking battles. Everyone does, and the battles they choose will depend on their own preferences and biases as well as their children's abilities and personalities. No two year old behaves like a functioning adult, they have to learn it all and they can't learn it all at once.

JenniferBarkley · 31/08/2023 18:37

Oh and I can't believe posters are conflating table manners and toilet training! Leagues apart in terms of importance.

maddiemookins16mum · 31/08/2023 18:38

It’s because of the ‘child led’, ‘they’ll do it in their own time’ brigade. Same goes for toilet training, sleeping in their own beds, etc etc.
There is a whole generation of children out there who cannot (will not) do things that previous generations managed quite easily.

It must put huge pressure on already overstretched school staff.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 31/08/2023 18:59

I remember a thread from a grandparent who was having issues with her grandson because his mum allowed him to eat a bit and then go and run around and then come back and eat a bit more.

So many posters said that they allow their kids to do the same and don’t make them sit on the chair properly etc. I was very surprised and myself and other posters asked how they were going to cope at school if they won’t sit still at grandmas house.

I don’t agree with the olden day rule of having to wait until everyone’s finished but I do think that children would sit down whilst they’re eating.
My DD is autistic and has ADHD and has always sat down whilst she ate her food. For me it’s a safety issue and I wouldn’t accept her running around with food in her mouth.

jannier · 31/08/2023 19:46

maddiemookins16mum · 31/08/2023 18:38

It’s because of the ‘child led’, ‘they’ll do it in their own time’ brigade. Same goes for toilet training, sleeping in their own beds, etc etc.
There is a whole generation of children out there who cannot (will not) do things that previous generations managed quite easily.

It must put huge pressure on already overstretched school staff.

Not true children develop at their own rates in a broadly similar pattern but not if you don't give them the tools a child won't learn to read a book or eat with two tools if you never provide the opportunity. You can catch a child's wee but until they have the hormones and bladder control that is all your doing conditioning like salivation to a bell

PinkTonic · 31/08/2023 19:59

jannier · 31/08/2023 19:46

Not true children develop at their own rates in a broadly similar pattern but not if you don't give them the tools a child won't learn to read a book or eat with two tools if you never provide the opportunity. You can catch a child's wee but until they have the hormones and bladder control that is all your doing conditioning like salivation to a bell

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It simply cannot be the case that my generation’s children had bladder control and the right hormones around the age of two, and today’s children are not acquiring these until 3-4 years old. What has changed in the interim is that the disposable nappies are now so excellent that they don’t feel discomfort when they wee, and don’t register the feelings. I’m not talking about catching wees, I mean reliably clean and dry during the day within a couple of months of 2nd birthday.