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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

307 replies

Pixieb34 · 31/08/2023 11:05

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 31/08/2023 11:06

What's your sample size? What are you basing this random question on? My one year old and three year old use cutlery. The one year old isn't very accurate with it yet.
Is this the next stick to beat "parents these days" with?

ImGoingThroughChanges · 31/08/2023 11:07

No, I never taught my 23 year old to use cutlery so he still uses his fingers and a plastic spoon 🙄

Highlyflavouredgravy · 31/08/2023 11:08

I work in a primary school and lunchtime is like feeding time at the zoo. I would say a sizeable majority don't use cutlery properly if at all.

LunaNorth · 31/08/2023 11:09

I’ve heard that primary school teachers are increasingly having to teach kids how to use cutlery.

00100001 · 31/08/2023 11:13

How many small children have you watched eat a plated meal and how many times?

I've watched thousands and thousands of small people plated meals, and vanishingly few couldn't use cutlery

YouveGotAFastCar · 31/08/2023 11:14

You don't get many 20 year olds who attack a steak armed with a plastic spoon...

Anecdotally, I know a fair few more mums who are "leaving it to nursery" to teach cutlery as their children eat most of their meals there, but that's a sign of the times, I think. I can absolutely say they'd all prefer more time with their kids and to feel they'd taught them more; but you have to be able to pay the bills.

LG93 · 31/08/2023 11:14

I can remember my mum working in a school and being surprised that the kids couldn't use cutlery 20 years ago so I don't think it's new. Mind you, my DD starts next week and still finds a knife tricky, not through lack of trying on our part (and that of nursery !)and she's used a fork/spoon since she was about 18 months. She does know how to use a knife and can if she particularly wants to, so I'm hoping when she's in a setting away from us she'll just get on with it!

cariadlet · 31/08/2023 11:15

I'm a primary school teacher and there has definitely been a decline in the number of children who start school able to use a knife and fork.

Hufflepods · 31/08/2023 11:15

I don't know any older child who eats with their fingers.

What are you even basing this on? Of course children learn to use a knife and fork.

Middleagedmeangirls · 31/08/2023 11:15

I can remember watching a friends 8 year old eating potato salad with his fingers. That was over 30 years ago. He's got to grips with cutlery since then.

LadyPenelope68 · 31/08/2023 11:16

Primary School teacher here, there is definitely an increased lack of how to use cutlery. I’m amazed to see children using their fingers to eat meals such as roast dinner, Spag Bol etc at lunchtimes at school. I’m in a school in a middle class area as well, so wouldn’t expect the issues we’re having in having to teach children how to use cutlery.

Original poster
Pixieb34 · 31/08/2023 11:16

I work in a primary school and agree with the poster above that teachers and school staff are either feeding children who aren’t able to manage cutlery or teaching them to use it. Also from being away on holiday noticed a lot of children (not toddlers) not using any cutlery or eating with a spoon after parents have cut up their food.
Was a genuine question about how parents view it now….no sticks 🤣

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 31/08/2023 11:17

I was reading a thread yesterday about an almost 4 year old who is not yet toilet trained. One poster advised the op to let the teachers do it when he starts school. So I guess teaching children to use cutlery might be on the curriculum too for some teachers.

yogasaurus · 31/08/2023 11:18

Yanbu, DC’s primary school repeatedly ask parents to support them in the use of cutlery at home, as apparently lots don’t know how to use them

AdoraBell · 31/08/2023 11:18

No experience of young children now but I taught my DDs to use cutlery and wipe their face with a paper napkin or kitchen towel. Wash hands if they got messy. Aunt told them to wipe their hands on their clothes.

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 31/08/2023 11:19

My dd is 11 and has always been taught from being very little. We eat out alot and it was essential to us that she knew. I am surprised when she has friends round though how little they know for their ages regarding this. They all seem to stab a fork in something and twiddle it round and sort of scoop it into their mouths its odd!

AlltheFs · 31/08/2023 11:20

All the children at DD’s nursery are expected to use cutlery and have good table manners. They learn to serve themselves etc as they eat family style.

We obviously reinforce at home too but DD eats 12 out of 21 meals a week with them.

There are a lot of families that don’t eat at the table or eat “proper meals”.

Zebedee55 · 31/08/2023 11:20

My step GD is a primary school teacher. She said they are having to teach many children how to use cutlery.

Perhaps it's because some are bought on "fast foods" and takeaways?

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2023 11:21

My toddler has a set of cutlery and knows how to use it, whether he does or not is another battle entirely 😂

FightingFate · 31/08/2023 11:22

Yet more child/parent bashing. 🙄

We were out at a pub few days ago, kids were mainly using a knife and fork with younger ones being encouraged to. If they eat with hands or a spoon, I don’t really care though.

FightingFate · 31/08/2023 11:24

Perhaps it's because some are bought on "fast foods" and takeaways?

Yes, that’ll be it. Parents just frisbee a McDonald’s at them 3 times a day. 🙄

Poppins2016 · 31/08/2023 11:25

I gave my children a knife around the age of 1, and they used spoons and forks before that. Both understand how to use their cutlery (now age almost 2 and almost 5), although sometimes struggle with cutting certain foods which is understandable. Both also understand basic table etiquette.

I do think there's an interesting divide in parenting and expectations... I recently went to a cafe with a friend and wanted the ground to swallow me up due to the behaviour of their children (not sitting in their seat/constantly getting up and down, running around, nearly tripping up waitresses, not using cutlery, throwing food, smearing it on seats)... people were staring! Their children are NT so there are no allowances to be made, I just don't think it's crossed their minds to set expectations and they've indicated that they think their children (same age as mine) are just behaving as young children do... but that doesn't have to be the case!
(Just to add, because I'm aware I sound as though I think my children always behave like little angels... of course they don't, but I do at least expect and guide them to try to behave appropriately most of the time!)

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 31/08/2023 11:25

I agree op, I have a good friend who has an 11 yr old who can't use cutlery properly, can't cut properly and holds her knife and fork like she's holding a steering wheel. Its like watching a cement mixer when she eats, as she never closes her mouth either. It's got to the stage that I won't eat out with her, if her dc join us, as it make me feel nauseas when eating my own food. And don't get me started on the noise she makes 🤮

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 31/08/2023 11:26

I don't know, just because they don't use cutlery it doesn't mean they can't. I bet many of the kids who are not using cutlery correctly at school wouldn't get away with it at home. Until the youngest was 5 watching him eat was like watching paint dry, so I know at school if they didn't know me better they would think he didn't have basic skills.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/08/2023 11:26

BodenCardiganNot · 31/08/2023 11:17

I was reading a thread yesterday about an almost 4 year old who is not yet toilet trained. One poster advised the op to let the teachers do it when he starts school. So I guess teaching children to use cutlery might be on the curriculum too for some teachers.

My kids can use cutlery, but yes clearly I'm just a shit lazy parent with my nappy clad preschooler twins.