Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

[Pixieb34]

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

I know it's not a popular view on MN but mine are 5 and 3 and this just isn't a priority. Mealtimes can be such battles anyway especially during the week when they're wrecked from a long day at school and childcare.

If they come to the table, actually eat some vegetables and have some nice chat I'm not going to cause a row over using a knife and fork properly. They are given them and gently encouraged but unless they're being truly disgusting I'm happy to let them be.

In my experience a lot start primary only used to using a fork.

They teach laying place settings with cutlery and using them from pre school where I live. Feeling pretty thankful of that reading these posts.

of course eldest insists on using his knife and fork in the wrong hands

Comments like this make me angry.

There is no such thing as the "wrong hands". People hold a knife in their dominant hand, so if you are left handed you hold your knife in your left hand.

Unless you are eating at a trestle table it isn't going to affect any other diners.

Castigating people for being left handed is so Victorian and should have been left behind in the 19th century.

I am very strict with mine. My gran was with me, and I now have excellent manners and I want them to be the same, unlike my cousins who eat as though they were born in a barn.

I wonder if this is why there has been a decrease in table manners.

My Gran was taught to put her cutlery a certain way after she was finished, to not put her elbows on the table, eat at the same pace as everyone else, set the table correctly by putting a place mat over a doily and putting the cutlery in specific places etc and most of it is just stupid and so pointless.

It’s a bit like when rich people have loads of different forks for different dishes, it’s just pointless and I do think certain things don’t need to continue being taught.

I think no child should be rude or misbehave whilst eating and that means sitting down until they’ve finished (mainly so they don’t choke) and not being silly with their food.
But most things that were taught 50 years ago I think is irrelevant now.

But my kids aren't left handed. Cack handed, maybe, but not left handed. It's painful to watch then try and cut things with the knife in the wrong hand. Although dc 2 will, if ignored, eschew any attempts at cutting and just stab a lump of cauliflower or broccoli like the giant in jack and the fucking beanstalk eating a tree.

I just don't want my children to do it wrongly without knowing. I think there's power in knowing and making a conscious decision that you aren't bothered about that kind of thing, but genuinely not knowing leaves you exposed. I want my children to be confident to go where life takes them, knowing that they can fit in if they want to. I would hate if they went to a new partner's house and felt like they'd been raised by wolves.

Mine just lick the plates

I do agree with this but it's something for when they're a bit bigger for me. For now I just want to minimise battles and make mealtimes as enjoyable as possible.

I try to teach table manners, but at home I have to remind them every 2 minutes so I'm not sure what happens away from us!

@Katiesaidthat I'm (at least one of) the poster(s) that gave their 1 year old a knife!

They're not sharp knives (they're blunt but surprisingly functional), we have a couple of cutlery sets similar to this one which I find great for teaching the basics before they use "proper" knives when they're older (my 5 year old is capable of safely using a small table knife now)...

But we eat differently these days. People aren't eating meat and two veg most meals anymore.
Much of my diet consists of curry - food already bit sized, doesn't need chopping. Stir fry - chopsticks. Soup - spoons. Pasta with vegetables - doesn't need chopping, tray bakes again most vegetables already cut pre cooking.
Knives are used for pushing food onto a fork, but not for cutting at meal times.
With many people's diets there is less opportunity for teaching knife skills.

My DC learnt to use cutlery very early on and how to place them on a plate to indicate they've finished

They're aware of using the outermost cutlery first and working their way inwards if ever required

They've learnt to put napkins on their laps more from necessity and experience at restaurants

DS was always a bit lazier than DD with it all but at least they won't embarrass themselves in public

My daughter was brought up using cutlery and hands. But then culturally a lot of the food she ate, is eaten with your hands.

table manners mean different things in different cultures, fork and knife is not always the way.

I still do that when no one's looking

My DD recently turned 4 and starts school next week. We've always eaten at the table as a family, and she has great table manners and uses a fork or spoon nicely, but she can't quite get the hang of a knife (depends what she's cutting), or feeding herself with the fork in her non-dominant hand.

I'd say a child who hasn't quite mastered these things is not comparable to bad table manners.

If a child is not toilet trained when starting school, without a genuine medically certified reason, then the parent should make arrangements for someone to be on call to go into the school to deal with it. No member of staff should have to compensate for lazy parents,

I find this odd - a truly lazy parent wouldn't want their child in nappies! That's so much more effort and faff than them going to the loo themselves.

I'll come clean and admit that during lockdown I realised we had failed DS (then 7) in this respect. We did BLW and then tended to cut up food for him so he ate pretty much everything with a fork and/or spoon. We also didn't eat together very often due to work etc so it was only apparent once we started eating together more in 2020 that there was an issue with cutlery and general table manners.

We have since been trying to teach him but it's not easy as he had got into bad habits and seems to struggle with the logistics. He can do it but it's not pretty! We do try to eat together more often than we used to though and talk about how best to eat certain foods, what to do when you have finished etc.

Mine can use cutlery, she's 4. I taught her but her nursery teach the ones who can't do it.

I would love my child to use cutlery in an elegant manner and frequently ask him to try to do so. However, when he was little he was very picky and we focussed on trying to get healthy food into him rather than making mealtime stressful with the added pressure of using cutlery correctly. It means he is one of those that others probably look down on when at the table now. So I’m trying but it isn’t easy!

My child (8) can use cutlery perfectly well. He prefers to use his fingers though and I regularly have to remind him to use cutlery. I find it interesting in a way that we consider using cutlery to be 'good manners' - plenty of cultures around the world eat mostly with their fingers, and presumably humans all initially ate with their fingers, so I can see how it is an instinctive thing for small children to do, and must feel quite alien to have to use an implement that makes it harder and slower to get food to their mouths when they're hungry.

It's lazy parenting

My 2 year old can use a fork or a spoon quite well, but some things are trickier and he will then resort to his hands. I have no problem with this.

In terms of eating at a table, I’ve actually lived in several places that weren’t big enough for a dining table, so many children may eat on the sofa in front of the tv.

I have also just been to visit my mum with my 2 year old and she was so incredibly stressed that he might spill something on her carpet, so this kind of thing/fear of mess doesn’t help either.

As for the ‘wait until everyone else starts’, I get more offers of ‘please start now’ so wondering if that’s actually dying out.

I also eat left handed and the amount crap I get from my people my parents age is unreal. These things don’t matter!

I think with more parents doing BLW as well kids are eating with their hands from the start and then suddenly they're given these metal (well probably plastic to begin with) implements that just make the whole thing slower.