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Original poster

Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

307 replies

Pixieb34 · 31/08/2023 11:05

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2023 13:27

LunaNorth · 31/08/2023 11:09

I’ve heard that primary school teachers are increasingly having to teach kids how to use cutlery.

To be honest teachers aren't supposed to be in the dinner hall, it's their break. I did used to go in with new Reception starters for a week or so and some have clearly never seen a knife and fork before. Some have told me they aren't allowed to touch knives at home. I have even seen two or three sit with their mouths open like baby birds expecting someone to spoon it in. Teachers really haven't got the time to teach them all to use cutlery properly beyond enabling them to get it into their mouths.

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2023 13:28

Canisaysomething · 31/08/2023 13:01

They teach laying place settings with cutlery and using them from pre school where I live. Feeling pretty thankful of that reading these posts.

Yes, I did this too - laying the table on the home corner and pretending to eat.

hdbs17 · 31/08/2023 13:29

My 6yo can use a knife and fork, although does sometimes need some instructions on holding things down with the fork whilst cutting with the knife - mostly which hand is most comfortable for him.

He often doesn't eat with cutlery though because in his eyes, fingers are much quicker which means he can go and play sooner.

A lot of cultures don't use cutlery so really - I don't see a huge issue in children using their hands as long as they've washed their hands.

ismu · 31/08/2023 13:30

Nursery children are taught to lay the table and eat with cutlery from age 3 round here.. they also learn to cut fruit for snack with actual knives and to light fires at forest school.
It's amazing that people expect 4 year olds to begin to write with pencil grip which is so much more difficult but won't expect them to use a knife and fork!

HappiDaze · 31/08/2023 13:31

The UK uses cutlery as does all of Europe so saying different cultures use their hands is the laziest most ridiculous of comments and excuses on here yet

HappiDaze · 31/08/2023 13:33

Basically stop being useless lazy twats of parents and teach your children how to use a toilet properly and a knife and fork before they start reception

Expecting teachers to do this is unacceptable and a waste of their precious time and energy

Pottedpalm · 31/08/2023 13:36

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 31/08/2023 13:07

I wonder if this is why there has been a decrease in table manners.

My Gran was taught to put her cutlery a certain way after she was finished, to not put her elbows on the table, eat at the same pace as everyone else, set the table correctly by putting a place mat over a doily and putting the cutlery in specific places etc and most of it is just stupid and so pointless.

It’s a bit like when rich people have loads of different forks for different dishes, it’s just pointless and I do think certain things don’t need to continue being taught.

I think no child should be rude or misbehave whilst eating and that means sitting down until they’ve finished (mainly so they don’t choke) and not being silly with their food.
But most things that were taught 50 years ago I think is irrelevant now.

Show quote history

Probably irrelevant if you eat at Maccy D’s and the like, but do you want your DC to only cope with burger places or Greggs out of a paper bag?
Use of cutlery, table manners etc will help them if they want a decent career.

PinkTonic · 31/08/2023 13:38

HoppingPavlova · 31/08/2023 12:24

I’ll admit mine, as adults, really struggle to the point it’s a bit embarrassing. It all stems from the fact they never really ate meals requiring knives as kids and still don’t as adults. For instance, they would never have had a piece of meat to cut up. They have lived on stir-fries and curries which have bite size pieces of meat and or-cut veg, soups and home-made burgers, with some spag bol thrown in. I think the hardest they have to contend with is lasagne. Even sausages at a bbq don’t present a problem for them as they all tend to put it on a roll with salad and it eat it that way, and just eat the sides such as potato salad or coleslaw with a fork. Other bbq meats these days tend to be skewers or wings or similar, not slabs of meat. I would think that due to what they have grown up on, a full piece of meat is an odd thing to them, and none will willingly eat it.

So, if they go out to a restaurant that only/mainly has dishes with full pieces of meat it’s the only time they eat it and use a knife - and it shows. Not a day to day problem with restaurants though as they tend to go to Thai or Indian restaurants, or pub meals where you order a burger. So they may face a knife once or twice a year. I on the other hand take any opportunity to have a decent steak if out as it’s a nice change, and i can use a knife😊.

Didn’t you ever roast a chicken? What about chips, roast potatoes? I saw my 8 year old great niece stab a roast potato with a fork last week and bite it, burning her lip in the process. Even though my children had their fair share of curries with rice, pasta dishes, tacos and burgers etc. they’d have been sent from the table for stabbing a roaster or a large chip or a piece of broccoli with a fork and biting it. It’s not just about style of food, it’s basic table manners.

DragonflyLady · 31/08/2023 13:40

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 13:02

of course eldest insists on using his knife and fork in the wrong hands

Comments like this make me angry.

There is no such thing as the "wrong hands". People hold a knife in their dominant hand, so if you are left handed you hold your knife in your left hand.

Unless you are eating at a trestle table it isn't going to affect any other diners.

Castigating people for being left handed is so Victorian and should have been left behind in the 19th century.

Absolutely right. But even if you’re not left handed and you prefer to use your knife in your left hand - it’s still not the wrong hand!

rainbowstardrops · 31/08/2023 13:41

I'll hazard a guess that many posters on here haven't actually witnessed lunch times in an infant school!!! It's CARNAGE!
A lot of the children clearly don't even know what a knife/fork or spoon is actually for and will happily dive into a roast dinner/spaghetti bolognaise or whatever with their hands. Awful, lazy parenting. Children should at least be able to eat with a fork or spoon when they start school!
Honestly, at my school, the children who do eat with a knife and fork are in the minority. Oh and we happily cut their food up for them, so no excuse not to even use a spoon.
To the people who say teachers don't have time, you're right. It's the TAs in my school that have to cover lunchtimes before or after their 30 minute break.
My children had toddler cutlery sets, so I don't understand people saying they wouldn't give a young child a knife. It's not a bloody machete!
Don't even get me started on the children that have no idea how to use the toilet properly and wash their hands when they start school.

JenniferBarkley · 31/08/2023 13:41

HappiDaze · 31/08/2023 13:26

It's lazy parenting

Show quote history

It isn't though. Actively choosing to prioritise enjoyment of healthy food, conversation, sitting nicely etc at the table over use of cutlery isn't lazy parenting, it's just different parenting to yours. That's fine. Every child and every family are different and no one can do everything perfectly, we all have to choose little things to let slip in order to focus on things that are more important to us.

Endofsummerisinsight · 31/08/2023 13:43

Katiesaidthat · 31/08/2023 11:38

Oops, made me think. My daughter is 5 and no, she does not get a knife at table. If we are at a restaurant we remove the knife, or the waiters themselves remove the knife when my daughter sits at her alloted place. It is the done thing, basic safety. But then I am Spanish and it may be a cultural thing. Was trying to think back as to when my English mother gave us a knife, I would have been at least 6, minimum. Had to smile at pp saying they gave their 1 year old toddler a knife!!!!! No way would that happen in my house.

This is a huge difference in the UK. Children will be given a metal knife and fork at school when they are 4 and will be using them at home by the age of 2 at the latest.

By 5/6 I would expect a child to use a sharp cooking knife under close supervision.

hby9628 · 31/08/2023 13:43

Eating with their mouth open drives me mad more than anything else. Currently sat listening to 2 children doing exactly that.

chickensaresafehere · 31/08/2023 13:44

My dd (16) has a severe learning disability (eating has alwaysbeen a struggle for her)& I just noticed the other day how beautifully she navigated her plate,cut up her food & ate it with no fuss. I was so proud. Must have done something right!!!

Monkeybutt1 · 31/08/2023 13:46

I agree that table manners and being able to eat with cutlery is very important but why are people so hung up on which is the correct way round to hold your knife and fork. I am right handed but eat with my knife in my left hand, I spent years growing up being embarrassed when eating out as waiters would swap my cutlery back, I was told at school I don't eat properly and I needed to have my cutlery the other way around...why? My DS is the same as me and so is my cousin. All 3 of us use the cutlery properly, we cut our food up and don't talk with food in our mouths so why are some people so bothered which hand the knife is in and which hand the fork is in. The big issue here is children who don't know how to use a knife and fork at all.

Flaskfan · 31/08/2023 13:46

hby9628 · 31/08/2023 13:43

Eating with their mouth open drives me mad more than anything else. Currently sat listening to 2 children doing exactly that.

My most mc friend did this all through school. She mixes with a much posher crowd now and I often wonder if she still does it.

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2023 13:46

@DragonflyLady Thank you!

Flying the flag for ambidextrous people here. I eat with my knife in my left hand as that's what's most comfortable and was once described by a teacher as the neatest eater he'd ever seen. It's not bad or wrong, just different. I still have excellent table manners.

Do people really force their children to eat in a way contrary to what feels comfortable to them? 🤔

Natsku · 31/08/2023 13:47

I teach my children to use cutlery but my 12 year old outright refuses to use anything but a fork by itself at home (and only one particular fork) with a grumbly exception for soup. But at school they have to use knives and forks and every so often they have 'good manners week' when the teachers are extra hot on proper cutlery use (the teacher eats lunch with them) so I trust that she can use them properly when needed so not going to make a big deal out of it at home.

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2023 13:47

Monkeybutt1 · 31/08/2023 13:46

I agree that table manners and being able to eat with cutlery is very important but why are people so hung up on which is the correct way round to hold your knife and fork. I am right handed but eat with my knife in my left hand, I spent years growing up being embarrassed when eating out as waiters would swap my cutlery back, I was told at school I don't eat properly and I needed to have my cutlery the other way around...why? My DS is the same as me and so is my cousin. All 3 of us use the cutlery properly, we cut our food up and don't talk with food in our mouths so why are some people so bothered which hand the knife is in and which hand the fork is in. The big issue here is children who don't know how to use a knife and fork at all.

There was a HUGE thread on this exact topic a while back and certain MumsNetters get incredibly angry about people like us. We were called all sorts (including lazy, stupid and uncouth) and it was quite shocking to read.

Treasureboxkey · 31/08/2023 13:48

LunaNorth · 31/08/2023 11:09

I’ve heard that primary school teachers are increasingly having to teach kids how to use cutlery.

I have been teaching for 15 years and have taught every year 1 class that I have had how to use cutlery. We start with playdough in sausage shapes to practice stabbing and slicing, then play dough made to look like peas to practice scooping and pushing.

They graduate to Jaffa cakes to give them the incentive.

Cheesenpickleontoast · 31/08/2023 13:48

StephanieSuperpowers · 31/08/2023 13:09

I just don't want my children to do it wrongly without knowing. I think there's power in knowing and making a conscious decision that you aren't bothered about that kind of thing, but genuinely not knowing leaves you exposed. I want my children to be confident to go where life takes them, knowing that they can fit in if they want to. I would hate if they went to a new partner's house and felt like they'd been raised by wolves.

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I agree with this. I don't care too much about them using the correct knife and fork but I do care about them being judged for not knowing when they are older. If they have the knowledge and some degree of practise they can make a conscious decision on how they eat and are perceived. I'd like them to feel as comfortable at a diplomatic dinner engagement (I aim high!) as eating fish and chips with their fingers at the seaside.

ismu · 31/08/2023 13:49

@JenniferBarkley if children have no developmental issues then they should absolutely be able to use a knife and fork by the time they start school as well as sitting at table, enjoying food etc.
If children couldn't write their name by the time they were 8 would we all just say oh no worries, it's old fashioned and shaming anyway

Monkeybutt1 · 31/08/2023 13:50

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2023 13:47

There was a HUGE thread on this exact topic a while back and certain MumsNetters get incredibly angry about people like us. We were called all sorts (including lazy, stupid and uncouth) and it was quite shocking to read.

Show quote history

Wow that's shocking, for me its just what is comfortable.

StephanieSuperpowers · 31/08/2023 13:50

was told at school I don't eat properly and I needed to have my cutlery the other way around...why?

I think it has to do with space at a table. So you get everyone to hold their fork in one hand and their knife in the other. You do a bit more manouvering with your knife so you need more room. You keep your fork hand completely tucked at all times.

Whataretheodds · 31/08/2023 13:51

Adults use knife and fork much less often than they used to, and less likely to sit at a table to eat, I suspect.

OP might also be observing baby-led weaning?