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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reborn dolls in the pram bay

680 replies

gezelligheid · 31/08/2023 07:34

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Testina · 01/09/2023 08:39

@Milkymilkymama “But dont you dare refer to them as idiots with their toys.”

I dare. Because they are idiots. You can have a doll as a therapeutic aid and not be a selfish idiot blocking pram spaces with it.

GettingStuffed · 01/09/2023 08:42

I'm on the fence about this. There's a woman who gets on our bus with a doll. She talks to it, cuddles it and even gives it orange juice (pretend). She obviously has some learning difficulties but she will collapse the pram, or rather the person with her will.

Just leaving them lying in the pram is even stranger.

TomTom2022 · 01/09/2023 08:43

I support a young lady in a wheelchair I've not been able to get on the bus for prams in the winter ❄️

WhatNoRaisins · 01/09/2023 08:45

This is ridiculous, they don't need a space for their dolls. Everyone needs to have realistic expectations for how the rest of the world is going to react to you. Have a therapeutic doll by all means but you can't expect everyone else to respond like it's a real baby.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 08:49

A lot of posters have presumed that DollLadies will be rude and belligerent. Does anyone actually know this?

And you do realise there is no indication that they are actually the vile TickTocker linked on here?? Even though some posters have been linking them?

And you have no indication whatsoever that they were in the US buying up baby milk???🤦‍♀️

You can tar everyone with the same brush, that every Reborn doll owner is the same , but you know , full on prejudice and stereotyping.

It's intimidating for OP that there are 2 DollLadies to her 1 , but probably they go out in a pair to protect themselves from abuse.

They sound very self absorbed. But Before OP has asked, in fairness, she does not know how they will react to moving a pram.

They may might be totally reasonable.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 01/09/2023 08:50

Dropkick the gummibaby to the back of the bus. It’ll bounce.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 08:50

Dropkick the gummibaby to the back of the bus. It’ll bounce.

That's probably why they go out in a pair.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 08:51

Dropkick the gummibaby to the back of the bus. It’ll bounce.

That's probably why they're in a pair.

kingtamponthefurred · 01/09/2023 09:05

Milkymilkymama · 01/09/2023 08:28

Some of you need to understand these dolls are often used after miscarriage, infertility, baby loss and still birth. They help with depression and grief.

Yes, they should be folding theirs down as its safer than doing it with a baby in one arm that cannot stand or sit unaided. But dont you dare refer to them as idiots with their toys. As a mum yourself, can you imagine losing your child now?

Ask them to fold, but do not mention the doll. Just say you can't fold while holding yours for safety. You could say it will be safer for their little one than yours.

But if you think they deserve to be embarrassed you have no empathy at all. Just imagine going through pregnancy and birth and coming home without your baby. Imagine waking up one morning to find your 4 month old dead in their cot. Have some f compassion.

Edited

Few of us would dispute that losing a baby is terrible, but I can't see how denial (which is what these ersatz babies effectively are) is a healthy way of processing it.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/09/2023 09:08

I think you can be sympathetic to a person's grief or trauma without having to condone whatever method they use to cope with it. Not all coping strategies are healthy.

Original poster
gezelligheid · 01/09/2023 09:10

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 08:49

A lot of posters have presumed that DollLadies will be rude and belligerent. Does anyone actually know this?

And you do realise there is no indication that they are actually the vile TickTocker linked on here?? Even though some posters have been linking them?

And you have no indication whatsoever that they were in the US buying up baby milk???🤦‍♀️

You can tar everyone with the same brush, that every Reborn doll owner is the same , but you know , full on prejudice and stereotyping.

It's intimidating for OP that there are 2 DollLadies to her 1 , but probably they go out in a pair to protect themselves from abuse.

They sound very self absorbed. But Before OP has asked, in fairness, she does not know how they will react to moving a pram.

They may might be totally reasonable.

As mentioned in one of my previous replies, they pushed in front of me in the bus queue so both of them could get on the bus together. So yes I do think if I were to confront them they would be rude

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 09:11

As mentioned in one of my previous replies, they pushed in front of me in the bus queue so both of them could get on the bus together. So yes I do think if I were to confront them they would be rude

It's back to the bus company strategy then.
They need to help you here. x

Original poster
gezelligheid · 01/09/2023 09:30

Followed up with another email to the bus company so hopefully they will send a more helpful response this time. I just think telling me to ask the DollLadies to move is a cop out because it makes me look like the bad guy and will be seen as causing problems on the bus, whereas if the bus driver did it the request bears more weight.

In my initial report I did write down the dates and times so they'll be able to access the CCTV and see the people I'm on about

OP posts:
Shiv1979 · 01/09/2023 09:35

On our local buses, you are expected to take your baby out and put your buggy down. I don't think they will let you on the bus with it up. Obviously if you are the only one with a buggy, they let it go but if a wheelchair user or another buggy gets on, you have to put itdown right away. I think the bus should probably be doing that as you can't have 3 buggies on a normal side bus. If you put your baby into a sling while you wait for the bus it will be alot easier. I used to tie mine at home so I could then just put her in it easier.

Also on another point, please don't make fun of these ladies!! You don't know what they have been through and their Reborndolls could be helping them deal with something. We are lucky to have our babies and we need to remember that.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 09:35

Did you mention the Health and Safety impact?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 01/09/2023 10:03

User5653218 · 31/08/2023 21:59

Slightly not the point but my aunt makes these dolls. Sculpts their faces, arranges rhein hair, fills their bodies with little bead things so they are the weight people specify.
I have 3 kids, have never lost a baby. She gave me one to hold once and I found it strangely comfortable. I sat on the sofa holding this doll on my shoulder and it took me right back to snuggling on the sofa with my actual babies. It was lovely. Until I remembered that it was a doll. And it smelled faintly of plastic even though it was meant to smell of talcum powder.

I can see why people like them.

Two of my granddaughters have them - as toys they are children - and I am the same, I find I automatically hold them properly. They are also marmite, some of the family are totally repelled by them.

MumApril1990 · 01/09/2023 10:07

I wouldn’t have much patience for this to be honest, I’d say ‘please could you fold your pram down to make room for
my baby’. If they say no I would say ‘I don’t think a doll should be taking a spot meant for a baby, so you!’

doroda · 01/09/2023 10:15

gezelligheid · 01/09/2023 09:30

Followed up with another email to the bus company so hopefully they will send a more helpful response this time. I just think telling me to ask the DollLadies to move is a cop out because it makes me look like the bad guy and will be seen as causing problems on the bus, whereas if the bus driver did it the request bears more weight.

In my initial report I did write down the dates and times so they'll be able to access the CCTV and see the people I'm on about

Good for you

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 01/09/2023 10:28

They sound very self absorbed. But Before OP has asked, in fairness, she does not know how they will react to moving a pram.

They may might be totally reasonable.

That's true but I think these days experience has told us that a lot of people are unpleasant and unreasonable and if you do talk to them you're likely to get a load of abuse. Just thinking of when I stopped a couple of years ago to let the woman who was driving up my arse go past - she wound her window down and asked me why I'd stopped.

When I said to let her go by because she seemed to be in a hurry she said she hoped I'd fucking die in my sleep - all said with a child who looked about 8 in her passenger seat. So yes I'd be wary of a stranger's reaction too.

jazzyfips · 01/09/2023 10:34

Milkymilkymama · 01/09/2023 08:28

Some of you need to understand these dolls are often used after miscarriage, infertility, baby loss and still birth. They help with depression and grief.

Yes, they should be folding theirs down as its safer than doing it with a baby in one arm that cannot stand or sit unaided. But dont you dare refer to them as idiots with their toys. As a mum yourself, can you imagine losing your child now?

Ask them to fold, but do not mention the doll. Just say you can't fold while holding yours for safety. You could say it will be safer for their little one than yours.

But if you think they deserve to be embarrassed you have no empathy at all. Just imagine going through pregnancy and birth and coming home without your baby. Imagine waking up one morning to find your 4 month old dead in their cot. Have some f compassion.

Edited

I see you edited the abusive part of your post. The use of dolls has no clinical evidence other than for dementia. Using them for the issues you have mentioned is not therapeutic and is potentially further damaging the women concerned.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 10:43

The use of dolls has no clinical evidence other than for dementia. Using them for the issues you have mentioned is not therapeutic and is potentially further damaging the women concerned.

People do a lot of stuff for issues. Not all of them positive.

HairsprayBabe · 01/09/2023 10:47

@sunglassesonthetable exactly you wouldn't be walking on eggshells if someone was using drink or drugs to cope. You would understand why they started using them but you wouldn't encourage the crutch.

And before some pedant jumps on me no I don't think dolls are as bad as drugs. But I do think they are both an unhealthy way of coping with reality.

Tinysoxxx · 01/09/2023 10:53

The first thing I thought of was it’s a good way to hide and distribute drugs and that’s why they would be resistant to collapse the pram.

inisisle · 01/09/2023 10:55

gezelligheid · 01/09/2023 09:30

Followed up with another email to the bus company so hopefully they will send a more helpful response this time. I just think telling me to ask the DollLadies to move is a cop out because it makes me look like the bad guy and will be seen as causing problems on the bus, whereas if the bus driver did it the request bears more weight.

In my initial report I did write down the dates and times so they'll be able to access the CCTV and see the people I'm on about

Followed up with another email to the bus company so hopefully they will send a more helpful response this time. I just think telling me to ask the DollLadies to move is a cop out because it makes me look like the bad guy and will be seen as causing problems on the bus, whereas if the bus driver did it the request bears more weight.

So you want the bus company to circulate a photo or description of the women among the drivers of that number bus asking them to check if the babies are real or to ask the women
if they're dolls? You're going to have to 'be the bad guy' either way and speak up and say 'I need this space' to the driver anyway. Otherwise they're not just going to ask the women to take the prams down even if they see the dolls.

How old roughly are the women? Apologies if you've said.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 10:57

And before some pedant jumps on me no I don't think dolls are as bad as drugs. But I do think they are both an unhealthy way of coping with reality.

I don't think they should be encouraged.

But the reality is people do use them. Clinical evidence or no. Some have been mentioned on here.

Nor do I think you should be walking on eggshells tbh. But it doesn't stop you having some insight into the situation. Just as if you realised someone drank as a result of war time PTSD.

It wouldn't really matter would it, until it starts to infringe on other people. And OP is right to be put out by it.

Just as you'd be put out if the drunk was abusing people on the bus.