Reborn dolls in the pram bay

[gezelligheid]

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

Real babies > Fake babies - it really is that simple.

You won't have a hospital agree to treat a real baby ahead of a reborn doll. I really think there are better ways of addressing mental illness or trauma than a reborn doll however if it gives someone comfort fair enough but not at the expenses of real alive humans in every single instance.

There's absolutely no way, in the current climate, that any bus driver is going to want to be examining people and then declaring that they are not in fact as they/their owners identify.

Lmao only on Mumsnet could a thread like this dissolve into a bunch of idiots arguing that mums with prams are somehow the entitled ones.

Decent people go out of their way to help parents with prams, babies and young children in public including public transport. Just as they do for others that need accommodation and support such as people in wheelchairs, other disabled people, pregnant women and the elderly. That's basic manners and common decency. Non-negotiable.

By all means be compassionate to women who are using dolls to cope with horrible situations, but real babies come first without question. And the driver should absolutely back any mother who finds herself in this very unlikely situation up.

Obviously toys should not take precedence over living humans.

Fwiw, though, if you're going to travel by bus regularly, you need to be prepared to fold your buggy. That includes having a sensible buggy like a Maclaren, rather than a giant tank, and not using it to store 400000 bags of stuff.

Because the space might be needed by a wheelchair user, or already in use by two real babies in prams.

I don't drive and I always used either a sling, a maclaren, or both for bus journeys

How far do those with the MH problems take it? Do they try to claim child benefit or housing for their dolls? Try to register them for nursery or school places? Could they be prosecuted for attempted fraud if they did?

However real they believe their dolls to be, there has to come a time when somebody takes them aside and (gently) explains to them that their 'baby' is not actually a living person.

Many thanks @FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper , I'll have a read.

Yes but if you're in the wheelchair bay and a wheelchair user need's to get on. The wheelchair user takes priority anyway. I've had 8 weeks of this with DS in wheelchair who has severe learning LD and can't use crutches. Only option was a wheelchair. Honestly don't know how people do it all the time. I've had more FFS we can't get the pram on cos there's a wheelchair than I can count.

Is there any benefit in getting the general public to play along with these people's fantasies? Its all a bit shutter Island, is it not?

@Superfood McLaren don't make buggies any more I think this is one of the reasons there are less public transport friendly buggies around is because there is no go to name for them.
I used to have a Cosatto umbrella but it was SO heavy it was rubbish to collapse one handed. I have a Hauck travelncare now and that is great for public transport. Small light and you can put it up and down with one hand.

Also a lot of busses have designated pram spaces not just wheelchair spots now so people don't have to always collapse - these spots are for babies not dolls.

A person with a doll isn't a mother, and a doll isn't a baby. HTH.

Who exactly thinks the above???
Err No one.

And it's definitely not about putting a human child at risk in favour of a doll. Dear God.

It's how to actually deal with this situation in a decent and civil and yes , shoot me, kind way. And an effective way.

OP needs to get home with her baby.

Thank god I don't have to wrestle babies and prams and slings anymore. It's a bitch.

Completely fair enough, and I apologise for questioning the legitimacy of your post.
I hope everything went ok for you at the dentist.
I think you're reasonable in wanting the ladies to move/give you space. You have a baby, and while the sling suggestion is helpful it's not really the point. You shouldn't need to be making accommodations for reborn doll mums.
And I say that as an autistic adult myself. I can totally see the reasons for having a reborn and why people do, but none of that negates your need with a very much alive and real baby.
Sorry you're having to deal with this when you're just trying to get on a bus.

Of course there are people with mental health issues that do this. But the real world takes precedence. And how much good does it do someone being encouraged to live in a fantasy world that is inevitably going to collide with the real one? Surely people should be being helped to come to terms with the real world rather than everyone else walking on eggshells to participate in the fantasy?

Agree. When I had a miscarriage a few years back I joined a miscarriage support FB group and people were sharing pictures of these life-like plastic foetuses that you could buy at various stages to keep in your pocket and pretend you were still pregnant and the baby was still growing. I thought it was very unhealthy even then.

Surely people should be being helped to come to terms with the real world rather than everyone else walking on eggshells to participate in the fantasy?

Of course they should.

But as a previous poster who sadly has been through baby loss pointed out, there is no help.

Who thinks it - literally the poster I was quoting

Well what happened last time we agreed to make allowances for a supposedly very small number of people, who wanted to identify as something they weren’t, because it was ‘kind’ to do so and they likely had some kind of severe mental health issue which needed our accommodation more than we needed to stick by the facts of reality?

We’ve learned that is is never in anybody’s interests to pretend something is real when it isn’t, in order to accommodate somebody else’s fantasy.

I’m truly empathetic towards any person struggling for any reason, but (and I’ll be flamed) I don’t think MH issues entitle somebody to whatever they wish.

My experiences were very similar. I got some leaflets and some sleeping tablets, that's all. One of the leaflets actually suggested using a doll for comfort. I was suicidal at this point, so I thought that even the slightest improvement would be worth it. So, I tried it. It didn't help at all, it just provided a focus and I became fixated on this doll very quickly. I had it for less than 48 hours, but it was very clear to me, even in the state I was in, that this was not a good or healthy thing for me.

Fortunately, I saw what was happening and sought help elsewhere. My priest was a huge help to me and I believe saved my life.

I certainly wouldn't be rude or nasty to anyone with a doll on a bus (although the buses where I live have no wheelchair spaces and most are more like builders' crew buses than anything else) but I would ask them to fold their pram if I was in this situation elsewhere.

I've only ever come across Reborn doll enthusiasts online, I've never seen one in the wild, but a large proportion of those claimed to just enjoy the dolls, or take pride in having made them. Only a very small proportion said anything about them being a substitute for a lost baby. So I would hesitate to assume that just because a woman is doing something unusual, that she is necessarily either bereaved or mentally ill.

Tbh I reckon most people got the gist about " mother of a doll " when referring to PRAMS.

Well not you. Thank you for being so punctilious. In case no one realised.

@doroda

There should be fines for people who obstruct the pram bay with luggage/shopping/ weird creepy dolls and refuse to move them when asked. Not pandering because of "mental health".

Only a very small proportion said anything about them being a substitute for a lost baby. So I would hesitate to assume that just because a woman is doing something unusual, that she is necessarily either bereaved or mentally ill.

Exactly, you don't know.

But on a busy bus, baby under one arm, pram and shopping, in public, is not the ideal place to discover which way the wind blows.

I feel for you OP because it would be the last straw realising they were dolls.

Welcome to my life. Sympathy to you and your son. It doesn't make you feel great, that's for sure.

There should be fines for people who obstruct the pram bay with luggage/shopping/ weird creepy dolls and refuse to move them when asked. Not pandering because of "mental health".

Agree about the luggage and shopping.

And also that you are clearly compassion personified.

Sorry but that's really weird and creepy and I don't get it. I would say loudly please can you move your pretend baby and make space for my real life baby? I'd probably get stabbed though. Surely they are too old for dollies? Why on earth?! I get it if they had special needs and needed a cuddly toy. But it just sounds like grownups playing mummies and daddies..maybe get a dog!? At least it's real and will love you back.

This is a good point, I hadn't made the connection. I don't think anyone needs to be spelling out to these women that their dolls are not real babies (if only because they already know that!), but neither is it a good idea to pretend that they are.