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AIBU?

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Original poster

Reborn dolls in the pram bay

680 replies

gezelligheid · 31/08/2023 07:34

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

OP posts:
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marblesthecat · 31/08/2023 11:10

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 31/08/2023 11:07

A person with a doll isn't a mother, and a doll isn't a baby. HTH.

^ This. Jesus is this where 'Be kind' has led us? Putting peoples feelings before a baby's safety?

Agreed. There is absolutely no reason good enough, not one, for a person without a baby in their pram taking up the pram space.

Pootle40 · 31/08/2023 11:10

MeridianB · 31/08/2023 07:48

In this situation I believe they should absolutely be asked to fold their prams and be embarrassed.

100% but not in the mad woke world !

NHSarah · 31/08/2023 11:11

doroda · 31/08/2023 09:18

Women lose babies all the time without becoming dicks.

I'd tell them to fold or if it was an old fashioned pram to get off the damn bus.

I’m a midwife. You have no idea what these parents go through. Your lack of empathy is vile.

Esgaroth · 31/08/2023 11:12

Yes, if you want to take a doll on the bus, sounds like a perfect opportunity to use a sling. Then you can get whatever it is you get out of the role play whilst not inconveniencing others.

It's not like your doll is going to have problems tolerating the sling or anything like that.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 31/08/2023 11:13

Bbq1 · 31/08/2023 09:46

Bus drivers don't tell mums to "get off the bus" nor should they as it's not their job. Wheelchair users do take precedence and as an adult I'm sure a woman with a baby in a pram is capable of folding the pram if necessary. A wheelchair user can't get up and fold their chair. They don't have a choice.

Show quote history

What are you on about? Hmm My post is no way disputing the needs and rights of wheelchair users! That's the point I am making, the comparison is not relevant and sounds like people being begrudging of having to facilitate disability inclusion by tying it tenuously to this thread! BTW even if a wheelchair user could fold their chair, the PVS regs don't allow them to travel outside of their chair on a bus.

Ariela · 31/08/2023 11:14

I used to take a sling and a rucksac if not intending to buy much - SO much easier for going through doors and actual shopping. And if buying more I'd take the pram and pop baby in the sling and fold the pram down prior to arrival of the bus. I'd ask the drive to please not move until I've stowed the pram (over the wheel so not that easy) unless he wanted to help me stow itif the spaces were full for buggies/prams/wheelchairs. Then sit on a seat (I'd ask for a seat if none available)

marblesthecat · 31/08/2023 11:14

@NHSarah It was perhaps not the most tactful way of phrasing it but it's true. Having a reborn doll to help cope with loss in one thing but taking it in a pram on the bus and knowingly watching someone with an actual baby be turned away because of it is disgusting.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 31/08/2023 11:14

this is beginning to read like an ‘identifying as’ scenario, and we know where #bekind got us with that last time

Yes and as bystanders we're expected to buy into another person's delusions. Which is one thing , but to expect people to put their own baby's safety at risk for someone else's delusion is ridiculous. Can't believe so many people are fine with the women doing it.

Wingedharpy · 31/08/2023 11:14

bellac11 · 31/08/2023 08:19

The world has literally gone mad

My thoughts exactly.

Crayfishforyou · 31/08/2023 11:16

Have you tried calling out ‘please can you hold your dollies on your laps and fold your pram down please?’
And as for people with babies not taking precedence, I disagree. Babies are cumbersome and mothers usually exhausted, and still healing.
When I lived in South America people with babies and small children always took precedence in queues, public transport and seating in cafes. It was a really nice atmosphere. And it was long before I had children of my own

ButterCrackers · 31/08/2023 11:16

Tell them to move out of your way. Your baby has priority over a doll, pram/pushchair with shopping/washing in it, a shopping trolley, suitcase etc. If they refuse then involve the bus driver. Put it all in writing to the bus company. How selfish of these doll owners to be blocking the spaces for prams.

Qilin · 31/08/2023 11:16

Hufflepods · 31/08/2023 08:47

The doll thing is a red herring though, it would be the same if someone was on the bus before you and had a lot of luggage. First come first served really, no one should have to get off because you want to get on at a later stop.

There definitely should be a priority system.

Those spaces are NOT excess luggage spaces.

They are firstly spaced for disabled users - they should come first.

Secondary, should be for babies in a pram.

Obviously where possible it is better if pushchairs used for public transport were easy to fold (one handed ideally) and store. This is easier if the child is a little older, and especially for toddlers.

Dolls, toys and luggage are not of equal importance as the above two.

Mumof2teens79 · 31/08/2023 11:18

gezelligheid · 31/08/2023 10:58

Also the way I knew they were reborn dolls: I've seen their dolls and they are very obviously fake. I've seen them on multiple occasions, waiting for buses and pottering about town, their babies are always the same and have never aged nor changed because they are dolls.

I think those is important context and informed my comments.
The fact their are two of them suggests this is performative rather than a serious mental illness. They may still have suffered loss but they are capable of understanding that they both have dolls and stick together rather than joining in with real babies

WhatapityWapiti · 31/08/2023 11:18

Hufflepods · 31/08/2023 11:06

It's a disability.

Well no, infant loss which you have specifically included is not a disability. Nor is it, along with dementia or learning disabilities a reason for using the wheelchair space. It isn't a space for anyone with a disability, it is a wheelchair space.

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While I agree that the spaces are not for general mental health-related disabilities, surely the litmus test is whether the person needs the extra space to help them cope with their disability in some way? So if a person has a mental health condition that is alleviated by pushing a doll in a pram, the space can be made available for them. You could maybe say the same about eg someone with severe claustrophobia who feels safer standing near the doors than sitting in a seat row.

And such conditions obviously do not trump people who literally cannot walk and need the wheelchair space.

I’m thinking that anyone pushing a doll who has any self-awareness that they are only role playing would vacate the space straight away if they saw a mother arrive to get on the bus with a pram. If they don’t then that proves the MH element. Sensible approach would be to treat them just like any other mother with a baby who gets the space before you and either wait for the next bus or have a discussion about folding down and carrying ie humour them by pretending the doll is real.

Qilin · 31/08/2023 11:18

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 08:57

@DiscoBeat

I know of a woman who did this. She lost her own baby and not long after took to taking a reborn doll around everywhere with her, treating it like a real living child. That is what I meant earlier when I said there is often a lot of trauma and tragedy that leads to women doing that.

Whilst that's very sad, the doll can easily be held and the pushchair folded. Much more easily than a real baby can.

doroda · 31/08/2023 11:20

NHSarah · 31/08/2023 11:11

I’m a midwife. You have no idea what these parents go through. Your lack of empathy is vile.

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Then with you being a midwife I find your lack of empathy towards women who have recently had babies and are navigating public transport with them quite troubling.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/08/2023 11:21

Hufflepods · 31/08/2023 11:06

It's a disability.

Well no, infant loss which you have specifically included is not a disability. Nor is it, along with dementia or learning disabilities a reason for using the wheelchair space. It isn't a space for anyone with a disability, it is a wheelchair space.

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Trauma from infant loss. Which takes it into a mental health condition that has a long term effect upon their daily activities. And needing to risk the prospect of aggressive women with their living children having a go at them, throwing their cherished item that they may very well believe is their dead infant across the bus and opening them up for ridicule and abuse sounds like their daily activities are pretty fucking affected.

Thebeachut · 31/08/2023 11:24

Worthing West Sussex op?
I've seen two women for a good few years now with two buggies with reborn dolls regularly take up the push chair bays and people with real babies being left in the rain.
They got annoyed last time they couldn't get on the bus with them as it was full

AllTheChaos · 31/08/2023 11:25

This is about choice. People in a wheelchair have no choice, they NEED that space and have no alternative. People with prams may also need them - I wore my baby till my back went and had to use a pram thereafter, and folding it etc was flipping hard with my back screaming, but I did for wheelchair users, because I had the option, they didn’t. Not every pram user could do so though. Someone with a doll in a pram, regardless of whatever hidden disability or mental health issue etc that they have, absolutely has the option to not take up a space on the bus that could otherwise be used by a wheelchair or pram containing an actual baby, and therefore they should give up the space. I can’t imagine many situations where people NEED to take so much luggage and travel at a particular time (most people allow loads of time if catching trains and plains etc, so have leeway to travel at quiet times), that they have no choice but to use the accessible area. I always keep suitcases by my feet / under the seat/ bags on laps. Not everyone can do that (eg child is on lap), but again, do they actually need to take so many bags?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 31/08/2023 11:26

Trauma from infant loss.

We have no idea why the women in the OP had prams. TBH it's none of our business. But they cannot expect everyone else to go along with their delusion especially if that involves putting babies safety at risk.

horseyhorsey17 · 31/08/2023 11:26

I had to Google reborn dolls.

So that was weird.

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 11:27

@Qilin

As I have said more than once on here now, I agree that real babies should take priority. But it doesn't mean that the the women with the reborn dolls can't be asked to fold up the prams without compassion, or be free from ridicule and disdain.

JessieJoJames · 31/08/2023 11:28

Trauma from infant loss.

Why can't they fold up their pram though - we can all pretend the doll is 'real' but the trauma doesn't stop them folding up the pram for a real baby.

Sirzy · 31/08/2023 11:28

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 11:27

@Qilin

As I have said more than once on here now, I agree that real babies should take priority. But it doesn't mean that the the women with the reborn dolls can't be asked to fold up the prams without compassion, or be free from ridicule and disdain.

Exactly this