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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prefer private school?

396 replies

Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 00:52

I'm sure I would prefer private school for my children. Would it matter to you if money was no cost?

OP posts:
Heatherbell1978 · 31/08/2023 08:31

Absolutely yes. But you'll get lots of people saying they knew someone who went and did badly at A levels and someone who went to a sink state school and is now running a multi million pound business. You do what's best for your kids within the realms of affordability and if you can afford private school but choose to send your kids to an under-performing state school rife with drugs then I'm sure your principles and morality will stand them in good stead for the future🙄

EmotionSickness · 31/08/2023 08:32

No. I went to private school and would never choose it for my own children.

HelpaFriend85 · 31/08/2023 08:33

My very bright older DC has thrived at her prep, better than her state school we moved her c. Year 5. But she went in at a good level as we had a great state school start. The prep provided more opportunity. It’s such a different offering I can’t describe it and we came from a very good state school.

The state school wasn’t ‘seeing’ her or pushing her - when we moved her to her prep she was ‘seen’ and we could not have asked for more in how she has come on.

We then moved younger DD who is incredibly introverted and was lost at her state school (her teacher said to me after the first term at her outstanding state school that she’d barely know she was there, she was by far the quietest in the class and she just ‘gone on with it’). This rang alarm bells for me and I started doing some extra work with my youngest seeing how she was getting on and found DC2 didn’t know a lot of the basics for the year. She was sitting quietly etc and it weren’t seen. Now moved them too and yes she’s also excelling in their own way.

this has come at a huge sacrifice to us, but it’s something we are willing to give and our income will rise. I’m at the top of my game on salary but DH isn’t. We are careful to make considerable pension contributions but we are low on other investments and only own our house.

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 08:33

ichundich · 31/08/2023 08:23

It's also a misconcept that everyone at private school is made of money. Many of them have families with average salaries who can only just about afford the fees by making sacrifices elsewhere.

Show quote history

Agreed. The current fees at the private secondary school I went to for year 7 and 8 are actually pretty much the same as what I pay for my son’s nursery. My private school was a tiny non-selective school with basic facilities. Building itself didn’t even have a kitchen.

Timeturnerplease · 31/08/2023 08:33

Primary teacher here. Speaking to secondary colleagues, we would absolutely do it for our DDs for secondary if we could afford it. Behaviour is becoming a real impediment to learning in secondary, and it’s much easier to manage in smaller classes with parents who are paying for their children to do well.

bobisbored · 31/08/2023 08:36

Nope. SDD went to private and is going to state 6th form. GCSE results no better than my state educated DS. Waste of money in my opinion.

thdskdrggs · 31/08/2023 08:36

No I genuinely wouldn't, our local state school performs in the top 5% of non selective state schools so if I had a windfall I'd genuinely put that money to better use! Feel like we have the best of all worlds; walkable, well performing with high standards but without the social issues and competition of private schools (nor the expensive uniform!) doesn't appeal in the slightest.

Peony654 · 31/08/2023 08:37

No, private school should be banned. Elitist and entrench further the inequality in our country. And everyone I’ve met who went to private school is a horrible person

TheaBrandt · 31/08/2023 08:37

Dd (decent single sex state) has friends from the most deprived area of town with very challenging backgrounds and friends who live in Manor Houses. I love that. The Manor House group are lovely and of course are privately educated. They do not know or socialise with the group from the deprived area and live in a delightful bubble. Dd sees both.

That said if the state option was not decent I would never say never.

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 08:37

bobisbored · 31/08/2023 08:36

Nope. SDD went to private and is going to state 6th form. GCSE results no better than my state educated DS. Waste of money in my opinion.

I think there are a lot of parents, including my parents, who sent their kids to private schools (including non-selective ones), not because of the hope of achieving better GCSEs, but because of the behaviour and bullying at state schools which isn’t controlled.

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 08:38

Peony654 · 31/08/2023 08:37

No, private school should be banned. Elitist and entrench further the inequality in our country. And everyone I’ve met who went to private school is a horrible person

Lol

underneaththeash · 31/08/2023 08:39

We've done a mixture of private and state and even the worst private school was far better than the best state one.

Generally in life - you get what you pay for.

Oysterbabe · 31/08/2023 08:41

I would. I have nieces the same age as mine that go to a private girls school. There's no doubt that they are receiving a better standard of education. They have 10 kids to a class and fantastic facilities.

fireplavefish · 31/08/2023 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 31/08/2023 08:44

underneaththeash · 31/08/2023 08:39

We've done a mixture of private and state and even the worst private school was far better than the best state one.

Generally in life - you get what you pay for.

Or you get what you work for. I've told my kids in no uncertain terms that if they want to mess around in school and get shit grades then they can look forward to a shitty life in the future.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 31/08/2023 08:44

Yet I come on theses threads and they are full of people who attended Comprehensives and went to top unis. 🤔

Well yes, top universities have a lot of state school students Confused. I'm a teacher and have seen plenty of students go off to good universities. My dd is has just left a (not very good) comprehensive. She's off to York. A couple in her year going to Oxbridge, quite a few going to RG unis.

LondonLovie · 31/08/2023 08:46

I went to state. My kids are now at private.

It's a new system for me, and I am still getting used to it. Financially it's a push, but manageable. I'm pretty balanced in my view of private.

Overall they are both happy and settled. DS is ND and the support we have for him is outstanding, the facilities and opportunities are also outstanding. But the bar is high and I am keeping my eye on that pressure level, he's very bright but sensitive. One thing I hate is the focus on sports and competition, to me that's OTT and DS struggles with that, so we will have to see. DD loves school and we love her school, it's just fab.

BounceyB · 31/08/2023 08:47

Timeturnerplease · 31/08/2023 08:33

Primary teacher here. Speaking to secondary colleagues, we would absolutely do it for our DDs for secondary if we could afford it. Behaviour is becoming a real impediment to learning in secondary, and it’s much easier to manage in smaller classes with parents who are paying for their children to do well.

I have 2 in secondary school and agree that there are behaviour issues in secondary especially in the lower sets. If their school didn't get such good results I would be tempted to take them out.

My issues with private are more to do with the fact that I want my boys to understand that not everyone is privileged and they need to learn how to get on with people from all walks of life. It's a really useful skill.

thdskdrggs · 31/08/2023 08:49

I didn't go to a "top" uni, I went to a mediocre comprehensive and a similarly mediocre university and have carved a good, well paying career for myself that I enjoy. I did well at school without too much pressure, enjoyed my youth and got a good enough education to do well in life. Could have been pushed much harder, but not sure it would have made me any happier. No idea if my kids will want to go to uni, we will keep all options on the table, most importantly try to talk about the plethora of careers there are and the routes in, but there will be no striving for "top" unis for the sake of it.

JaukiVexnoydi · 31/08/2023 08:50

No. I would much rather my child was at state school. My child is at a private school because the state sector is so badly funded that I couldn't be confident that their needs would be met, and I wasn't willing to make my child suffer the consequences of being let down massively by an inadequate system when I had the money available to protect them from that. I would much rather have been charged the extra money in tax and lived in a country where the state education system is properly funded.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 31/08/2023 08:51

Ideally no. I don’t really agree with it ethically, and avoid social segregation if possible.

also, I’d always rather spend the money moving to a better area which would have decent state schools (completely negates what I said above lol 😂).

however, I did consider it for my youngest who has ADD. But he really didn’t want to go and has been fine at his local comp.

his friends who went to private seem less well rounded and not as friendly as his comp friends, but then I know that most of them went to private because of difficulty with peers at state primary so perhaps some issues, or undiagnosed ND, rather than the actual schooling.

ittakes2 · 31/08/2023 08:51

My son's free grammar school is much better than my daughter's private school on so many levels - it really depends on the schools and your child's needs. We had moved her to private for mild sen - but when my son was also diagnosed with mild sen it became clear his free school is much better at that than her private despite her private advertising that it caters for this.

prescribingmum · 31/08/2023 08:55

Roll on all the stereotypes about private school pupils not mixing with different backgrounds, living in bubbles, being superior…usually based on anecdotal evidence of one family or a couple of people at university 🙄

RampantIvy · 31/08/2023 08:56

Yet I come on theses threads and they are full of people who attended Comprehensives and went to top unis

Isn't that because most people were state educated?

@Dontbeamenace it depends on the school. State provision where we live is excellent, so DD was state educated.

Barbadossunset · 31/08/2023 08:58

My experience also. At University, we could spot the private school kids a mile off:

LittleRedYoshi of course you could! I bet they asked you where you went to school - bloody snobs and weirdos.
Here are a few more for the bingo list:

1.If our children went to private school we might meet Tory voting parents and posh people. We couldn’t have our children mixing with them.

2.Private school children are spoon fed

3.Teachers are unqualified.

4.All Etonians are thick (presumably that includes George Orwell)

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