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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prefer private school?

396 replies

Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 00:52

I'm sure I would prefer private school for my children. Would it matter to you if money was no cost?

OP posts:
ginandtonicwithlimes · 31/08/2023 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

Mustn't mix with the plebs eh? 😉

heartofglass23 · 31/08/2023 10:25

If cost was no issue I'd do full private from nursery for mine.

I've had experience of a mixture with my DCs.

It isn't black and white.

Not all privates are good/ right for your dc etc. nNot all state schools are sink comps. Lots of state schools are far superior to lots of privates. It's often a postcode lottery.

Most people only have experience of one system or the other so make judgments based on stereotypes (both ways).

But yes I'd go private for small classes, more say/choice in things like subject choice. Trips. Better extra curricular. Esp sport/music. Also the peer group/ other parents. The biggest pluses for private ime is not what charged for- having other parents who prioritise academic success. It works for some DCs in some circumstances.

Backtoreality1 · 31/08/2023 10:25

I would be selective over the school, but yes most certainly!!

dontjudgemeagain · 31/08/2023 10:25

So many people on this thread ignoring that most people don't choose state over private. It doesn't matter how many "sacrifices" I make. Don't have the funds. Looks like some people on this thread think that means I'm not prioritising them or their education.

NeedToChangeName · 31/08/2023 10:25

A decent private school is likely to be better at attracting staff and therefore have their pick of the better ones

@AllProperTeaIsTheft Not necessarily. I know a number of highly talented teachers who wouldn't apply to teach in a private school as they oppose the principle of private education

And. where I live, teachers in state schools must have a degree in the subject they teach. In private schools, that's not required

Halfemptyhalfling · 31/08/2023 10:26

I would prefer all children to have access to good music, drama, sport and outside space. The ones that need it most are the ones whose parents can't or won't advocate for or support them.

I would not be overly keen on my children being in school with the children of elite russians etc. and people to whom money is the most important thing.

Bullying happens in state and private. The best schools have sound policies in place to deal with it.

Baconisdelicious · 31/08/2023 10:27

I can’t see that she got her money’s worth

How do you quantify that? I mean average kids are just that. If they don't work hard, they don't do well. Does matter whether you're state or private, you have to work and you need a certain level of ability to get grade 9s.

Money's worth, such as it is, for many people who send their kids private isn’t about exam results.

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 10:27

Barbadossunset · 31/08/2023 09:10

I can assure you that mean girl behaviour happens just as much in state schools.

Nonsense! All state school students are sweet, caring people. The only time violence has been witnessed in our local town was when children from the state school had to rush in and fight with private school children who were attempting to roast a child over a spit.

Bollocks lol

Might be dependent on the area you live in, but as I said in my post earlier in the thread, I was sent to private school because the children at my state schools physically bullied me, gave me alcohol (in primary) and set equipment on fire. Guess what didn’t happen in my private school…..

ginandtonicwithlimes · 31/08/2023 10:27

dontjudgemeagain · 31/08/2023 10:25

So many people on this thread ignoring that most people don't choose state over private. It doesn't matter how many "sacrifices" I make. Don't have the funds. Looks like some people on this thread think that means I'm not prioritising them or their education.

Yep can't pluck money out of the air.

Plus I read a lot of posts about sacrificing holidays and other nice things to pay for private and I am thinking "life sounds a bit shit" and is it worth it?

fireplavefish · 31/08/2023 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

Timeturnerplease · 31/08/2023 10:28

BounceyB · 31/08/2023 08:47

I have 2 in secondary school and agree that there are behaviour issues in secondary especially in the lower sets. If their school didn't get such good results I would be tempted to take them out.

My issues with private are more to do with the fact that I want my boys to understand that not everyone is privileged and they need to learn how to get on with people from all walks of life. It's a really useful skill.

Show quote history

I do get the part about learning to get on with everyone; my youngest two siblings went private due to where the family was living at the time. My brother walked into a job as an investment banker through his connections, and now simply cannot interact with ‘normal’ people. He finds my DH, ex-firefighter and now skilled tradesmen, baffling 😂

MintJulia · 31/08/2023 10:29

One issue that hasn't been mentioned is that as a single working mum, ds' independent school helps me and supports me more than any other.

If I need to travel for my job, the school will allow occasional boarding. If I get stuck in a traffic snarl up or rail signal failure, I can call the school and they will give him his tea and I can collect him later. They are there, when no-one else is.

When I needed to go into hospital for BC surgery, the school helped.

Yes, it costs me every penny I have, but for the first time, I have a backup team who are always there when I need them (rarely), and have never said no. As a result, I still have my career. That is priceless.

fireplavefish · 31/08/2023 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 10:32

prescribingmum · 31/08/2023 09:22

My post wasn't targeted at you, it was directed at those making the stereotypes whilst refusing to acknowledge the privilege they have through access to a decent state option where bullying/knife crime/antisocial behaviour is not rife. All those who trot out the 'I can afford private but I choose not to' have access to a decent state option where their children can thrive and be happy. But instead of acknowledging that, they choose to belittle the privately educated with their nonsense stereotypes based on one person they went to university with.

Most adults do not shout about their schooling from the rooftops. When I started my new role approximately 2 years ago, I could not have identified which individuals were private and which were state educated (I lead a team of 20 from recently qualified to managers, all with professional qualifications). As time has gone on and we've got to know each other, I now know but it is not apparent in most cases.

Show quote history

100% agree with everything you’ve said

ginandtonicwithlimes · 31/08/2023 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

The parents might not care about the education but should you be treating their children like individuals to avoid when they might want to do well at school?

ginandtonicwithlimes · 31/08/2023 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

Also my child enjoys learning and enjoying their childhood in a state school. 👍

Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 10:40

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 31/08/2023 08:44

Or you get what you work for. I've told my kids in no uncertain terms that if they want to mess around in school and get shit grades then they can look forward to a shitty life in the future.

Show quote history

Erm no: regardless of how hard you work in school your environment definitely has its place. Not saying your kids could or would have done better or worse but that attitude would put universities and employers off.
It’s important to know how to present yourself.

OP posts:
IvyIvyIvy · 31/08/2023 10:41

ichundich · 31/08/2023 08:23

It's also a misconcept that everyone at private school is made of money. Many of them have families with average salaries who can only just about afford the fees by making sacrifices elsewhere.

Show quote history

I find there are a lot of people who say they wouldn't send their kid to private school for this reason but then move into the catchment area of a good, oversubscribed state school - essentially forming a similar bubble of children whose parents can afford expensive houses. At least private schools don't discriminate on postcode and house prices and offer bursaries and scholarships- people can rent somewhere small in a less nice area and send their kids to private school if that's their priority (indeed a lot of first generation immigrants do this).

TheWayOfTheWorld · 31/08/2023 10:44

HolefreeGrail · 31/08/2023 08:01

No. We can afford it but choose not to. Not privately educated ourselves, went to top unis and hate the attitude of superiority that some folks have as a result of their parents paying for their education.

Absolutely this.

ActDottie · 31/08/2023 10:50

ButterRoad · 31/08/2023 07:59

We have plenty of money and would never consider a private school on ethical grounds.

This. My parents could’ve easily privately educated me and my brother but my dad was very passionate about my brother and I seeing all sides of society and not just living in a world where people had money.

G5000 · 31/08/2023 10:51

Also my child enjoys learning and enjoying their childhood in a state school

Well that's brilliant then. I think most people on this thread are not hardcore 'private only' believers. We started in state school as well and when it wasn't working for us, I would have happily moved them to a better state school, if one was available.

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 10:52

Halfemptyhalfling · 31/08/2023 10:26

I would prefer all children to have access to good music, drama, sport and outside space. The ones that need it most are the ones whose parents can't or won't advocate for or support them.

I would not be overly keen on my children being in school with the children of elite russians etc. and people to whom money is the most important thing.

Bullying happens in state and private. The best schools have sound policies in place to deal with it.

I can assure you no children of elite russians went to my private school lol. A few of my friends had a lot of their fees paid by grandparents not parents, and didn’t have incredibly wealthy parents.

My dad came from a poor country and made his money in the UK from starting his own business from scratch, living in a council house. As he now had the money, he chose to send me to a private school due to the poor state choices at secondary, and the fact that the state primary school I went to failed to do anything about the physical bullying I went through.

Barbadossunset · 31/08/2023 10:54

And. where I live, teachers in state schools must have a degree in the subject they teach. In private schools, that's not required.

Bingo!

chillidoritto · 31/08/2023 10:56

I have to disagree that private schools have an easier job recruiting teachers.

The pay at private school is often worse than at state schools. Teachers in private schools aren’t subject to the rigours that you have to go through to teach in the state sector.

Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 10:56

@thirdistheonewiththehairychest
I feel unapologetically the same!

OP posts: