Would you refer to social services in this scenario?

[Anon0823]

I am a regular poster but I have gone anonymous for this due to the nature of the content.

I have a long term partner I do not live with. He has a 10yo child who he has 50% of the time, the other 50% of the time the child is with his ex-wife and her new partner, who do live together.

I get on well with the child but as we don't live together, I don't really have any kind of a parenting role. I have no contact with the ex-wife at all.

The child has disclosed to my partner, in front of me, that the ex-wife's new partner recently hit them with an implement.

My partner has further disclosed the child has previously told him that the new partner had hit his ex-wife and has frequently said he is 'angry and shouty'. He tried to have a discussion with the ex-wife about this and offered to help her leave but she shut down the conversation.

The child is, IMO, emotionally immature and quite clingy. (This is one reason we've not moved in together yet.) I've never seen any bruises, clearly I'm not involved in any bathing but my partner says he's never seen any suspicious bruises.

This slap across the head has now been disclosed by the child to a therapist. The therapist is concerned the child is living in an abusive environment at the mum's house. But not concerned enough to make a referral to social care at this stage. My partner doesn't really want to believe this is happening and has his head in the sand.

I am on the fence as to whether this is none of my business and in the hands of a professional already, or a situation where I should be making a referral myself.

YABU - a professional is aware, leave it to them, it's none of your business
YANBU - you should refer to social care

Yes you should report it. I've been the kid who told people who never did anything and the parent of a kid who I tried to protect from DV and it was my word against his so I was deemed malicious.

Always alway report it. They will probably do nothing if the mum says nothing is happening. But safeguarding is everyone's responsibility

You should be ashamed of yourself. That's really shocking advice.

Id report. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if I didnt

What do you think social services will say to your partner when they realise he knew about the abuse and he did nothing? He needs to protect his child, not stick his head in the sand.

Exactly this. You have the knowledge that this has happened so do something about it. Better to report and it be nothing than to sit on it and the child suffer.

As a social worker, any disclosure of assault from a child requires reporting and at least a visit to the child (preferably at school away from the adult in question) and a home visit to mum to gauge the situation and advise her that it is a safeguarding concern, physical assault is not taken lightly. The therapist has a duty of care to safeguard this child and is therefore not doing their job.

Counselling/therapy is a very unregulated role. Many out there are very good, but many are not.
Any therapist who does not report physical and emotional abuse is a huge red flag. I would be reporting.
I know it potentially puts you in a difficult scenario but as adults we are all responsible for child safety. Children get let down when we assume someone else will take care of it. It sounds as though in your heart you want this reported so please follow through and do the right thing OP. Best of luck - you sound very caring and are not unreasonable to have these concerns.

Report to SS and look into submitting a case through Clare's law (in England and Wales but there are similar things in Scotland). It will inform the ex wife if the partner has committed DV before.

I'd say phone. At the end of the day you're talking about a child who needs protection (as all children need).

I recently went through training on spotting abuse in children and the teachers who attended the sessions didn't realise that they should report some of the things they were seeing. They all assumed it was the responsibility of the head.

@Anon0823 he needs to keep her with him and let her mum take him to court. Social services will expect him to safeguard his child and not leave it to social services.
They'll take a dim view of a parent leaving a child in a home where they're at risk of being harmed or killed.

Safeguarding is everyone's concern.

If the child has told you this directly, please report exactly what she said to an appropriate institution. Personally I'd contact the safeguarding lead at the child's school and ask for a chat, but maybe you aren't involved in the child's life in that way? In which case, find out how to report to SS.

It doesn't matter op reports if therapist has also done their job great if not the team ask the therapists input anyway.

I meant as the post said ignore it as the therapist would report if they needed to.....this is wrong and any training would tell you that

Phone the nspcc, you can chat to them and ask them to decide what to do

@Anon0823, I'm assuming you've now reported this but in case you haven't, you can find more information and the link to report here:
www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/
When you're reporting, be clear and factual and state exactly what you know. Include the therapist's name and details so they can follow up with her. Include the dates and times of the abuse, if you know them, and the dates and times of the child's disclosures. Please don't be vague ("I've heard this child is being hit"), include as much information as you can, especially about the incident with the implement.
Hopefully this will be resolved soon. It's likely that the Mum will be supported to keep her own child safe but your DP should be involved with this too. He really needs to step up here as he himself is not safeguarding his own child - his silence is tantamount to his complicity.
Good luck.

Wow the therapist is wrong and it's very surprising. Perhaps he she didn't get the same version of events that you did?

That's me being generous.

Phone the national domestic abuse helpline. They will get things moving.

I had a similar situation sadly with my own kids and a relative. National DA people not only helped and supported but also insisted it was reported to social care before they'd close my file. I won't give more info but suffice it to say they were thorough and checked up that it was sorted/ reported too.

It’s everyone’s job to safeguard a child please report, anonymously if you want, I would also be calling the school to ask them to pull the child for a chat so they could have it first hand too

Just to update that after a lot of talking, my DP has approached the school with his concerns and they are referring to social services. Initially the school wanted to refer to Families First instead but my DP insisted on a full referral as we feel it puts his ex and the kid at risk otherwise. I hope they do something. For the time being he is keeping hold of the child.

He did try speaking to his ex again but she basically said the kid was lying, it sounded very much like the new partner was looming over her.

So relieved this has FINALLY been reported and that this child’s father is looking after her until further notice.

Excellent news OP and so pleased the child is with their father until this gets sorted. Even if the child is returned to the mother because the allegations are not proved it will be on the system should any other agency report or there is another incident of domestic abuse.

Well done OPs DP x

I think he just didn't want to believe it but eventually he saw he had to act. We haven't heard anything as yet.

The police are investigating and he has been told not to contact his ex or return the child. I'll stop updating now as there is an active investigation but thank you for the support in persuading DP to act.

This is a good update -
well done OP and your DP

I haven't read the whole thread yet but this bit

My partner cannot afford to go through the court process to get full custody at this time. Presumably if social services mandated this he wouldn't have to pay though.

is not how it works. Social services only issue care proceedings when neither parent is capable of safeguarding the child. You've described a case where the appropriate route is private proceedings which is exactly what social care would be telling your partner. Your partner can keep the child in his care and refuse to return him while he makes an application to court (costs about £300). Social services will not be stepping in to do this step for him.