Would you refer to social services in this scenario?

[Anon0823]

I am a regular poster but I have gone anonymous for this due to the nature of the content.

I have a long term partner I do not live with. He has a 10yo child who he has 50% of the time, the other 50% of the time the child is with his ex-wife and her new partner, who do live together.

I get on well with the child but as we don't live together, I don't really have any kind of a parenting role. I have no contact with the ex-wife at all.

The child has disclosed to my partner, in front of me, that the ex-wife's new partner recently hit them with an implement.

My partner has further disclosed the child has previously told him that the new partner had hit his ex-wife and has frequently said he is 'angry and shouty'. He tried to have a discussion with the ex-wife about this and offered to help her leave but she shut down the conversation.

The child is, IMO, emotionally immature and quite clingy. (This is one reason we've not moved in together yet.) I've never seen any bruises, clearly I'm not involved in any bathing but my partner says he's never seen any suspicious bruises.

This slap across the head has now been disclosed by the child to a therapist. The therapist is concerned the child is living in an abusive environment at the mum's house. But not concerned enough to make a referral to social care at this stage. My partner doesn't really want to believe this is happening and has his head in the sand.

I am on the fence as to whether this is none of my business and in the hands of a professional already, or a situation where I should be making a referral myself.

YABU - a professional is aware, leave it to them, it's none of your business
YANBU - you should refer to social care

I would write it all down as factually and objectively as possible and send it to the Safeguarding Lead at the child's school. They will handle it from there, and you will know that you didn't hide concerning things from anyone.

for heavens sake please report this
this child has divulged that they have been assaulted
They are also witnessing DV
your partner should be ashamed of himself
the therapist shouldn’t be practising if they aren’t up to speed on safe guarding

I would report it and also tell them about all disclosures to other people. This is really serious, trust me it’ll really fuck the child up - they don’t deserve that, they deserve to be safe.

Your partner needs to get legal advice and not allow access until it’s absolutely certain that the child will be safe.

There are very few circumstances which would make me make a report to SS. This is one of them.

My father beat the living shit out of me, regularly. Nobody usually saw the bruises. One teacher did, and asked me why he hit me. I told her and she said it served me right. I knew from that moment with absolute certainty that nobody would ever care what happened to me, and no help was ever coming for me. And it never did.

This child may not want to have their parents investigated for abuse, but they need it to happen. Give them the hope that was taken from me.

I'd refer, safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and what the child has disclosed to you could add to a picture SS already have

Whenever there has been an incident where a child has died, it's always the case that there's a pile of 'missed opportunities' where various adults failed to show a duty of care to that child.

So Dad hasn't reported.
The therapist hasn't reported.

You shouldn't look at who has 'more responsibility' as a guide to what you should do. You have a brain of your own. Use it. You think there is a problem or you wouldn't have started the thread.

You have a duty of care to that child. You are aware this has been mentioned by the child to three adults. The child wants something to happen and wants adults to know.

Report it.

Social services may investigate and find there's no problem. Fine. Nothing to worry about then.

Or they may investigate and find there's an issue that needs addressing.

But they can't make that judgement unless they are told information to trigger an investigation.

Nope - implement means s47, usually joint with police. Source, was a child protection manager for years.

report - possible little will be done after initial flurry but you can’t let this go unexplored. Also your DP needs to step up - this is his kid, what’s he doing?

I’m sorry but social services would be all over this without the physical stuff happening to the child under emotional harm and abuse. No doubt about it. Is the therapist even good at their job if they haven’t done the right thing.

Absofuckinglutely this 👏

I agree. I have referred to Social Services before via an email to the school's head teacher. I felt that sending to the head meant she would know of the complaint and send on to the safeguarding lead, and therefore the Safeguarding Lead would have to act. I set up a new and anonymous email address, and it was absolutely followed up. Child still with mum and stepdad, but social services have been very good and have regular contact. Please report anonymously. Poor kid.

Ps so pleased the child has you in their life, you sound really lovely.

What gives you the impression NSPCC is anon? They tell social care every detail. In fact they’re a glorified answering machine. If you really want to make an anon referral you can do so through social care directly. However, please don’t bother. When it’s anon - family always say ‘malicious’. Always give your name if you can and explain you don’t want family to know referral was by you. Yes social care may fuck up and share your details because they’re shit, but it’s better that than parents make up that it was some neighbour they never got on with anyway.

That therapist needs to be sacked. All safeguarding concerns need to be reported so the appropriate services can investigate the claims.
My son disclosed to a school teacher his Dad had pinned him against a wall and been verbally abusive towards him (we are separated due to his abusive nature) it was reported to social services and police. I'm glad it was as my son is no longer forced to spend time with him!
Please report it!

This is a very sensible route if you want to stay anon, refreshing to see someone thinking it through so carefully.

Not every LA has a MASH. Just look up local child safeguarding and make the call.

I’m surprised the therapist isn’t going to report it.

As a teacher it was drummed into us that we reported anything like this that day. Before we went home.

As it looks like they aren’t I think you need to - or at least ask the NSPCC for advice.

A child's wellbeing is everyone's responsibility. report it. id it is nothing then great. however ....

Always report

@HarpieDuJour I'm so so sorry that awful teacher did not help you.

Oh that poor boy!

It's so difficult to tell people something like that out of fear of repercussions. He has shown not only courage, but is clearly shouting out for help and no adults he has confided in have actually done anything!

Absolutely report and I would be making a complaint about the therapist too.

I mean, if someone hit her across the face with an implement then she would call the police for assault, but clearly she doesn't care because it's a child so God knows how many other children or victims she's letting down.

Personally would be both Police and SS for me but at least you're going to do something.

And your DP needs to a grip of himself. Imagine leaving your child with someone you know physically abuses them! He's a disgrace.

Is your DP seriously putting the cost of care proceedings above the actual safety of his own child?

Seriously??

Absolutely this

Yes please report it. I’m concerned that the therapist hasn’t.

THIS for goodness sake !!!

No, the child’s parents or step mother is best placed to make this kind of call.

OP, I say this kindly to you and I mean no offence but come the fuck on, the poor kid has disclosed being assaulted by a man he describes as shouty and angry who it sounds very much like is also abusing his mum. His mother is not protecting him, his father is not protecting him, his therapist is not protecting him, for goodness sake do the right thing.
This is where we fail children so badly, he is telling you all something that someone needs to act on, heaven forbid he should end up the next poor child to end up horrendously injured or worse because nobody listened to him or nobody was “worried enough” to help him.