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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t like not knowing when someone is coming round

130 replies

Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:13

On holidays this week as a family and just want to chill in pjs, go out for the odd walk etc.
Friend has some books for Dd, says she will nip by at some point or leave them on the doorstop.
Tried to arrange a time for next week, but she wants to drop them
Aibu to hate this?
Am I weird?

OP posts:
wtawtaw · 30/08/2023 12:15

I'm exactly the same, if people come around unexpectedly they can expect to be ignored, I will not answer 😊

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:17

The thing is, it’s summer, patio open, car there, she’ll know I’m there. Messy house this week as just trying to relax. Told her Dh off and we’re having family time and she said she’d drop on the doorstep, but obviously will have to invite her in and the kids will want to play etc

OP posts:
Pix56 · 30/08/2023 12:18

On MN, totally normal. In real life, weird.

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:19

@Pix56 Really? Doesn’t make sense though.
I just like to be prepared and in the mood to see people, it isn’t personal. We could be in pjs, napping, playing games, having an argument, who knows

OP posts:
Glorifried · 30/08/2023 12:22

If someone tells me they're leaving it on the doorstep I would expect them to do just that and leave without any f2f interaction.

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:24

@Glorifried But if we’re in and patio open etc and knowing my Dd she’ll run out or the dog will

OP posts:
Muddyfeetgood · 30/08/2023 12:24

I don’t get the PJs thing. Cant people find normal clothes to buy that they find comfortable to wear? I’m sat in a T-shirt, hoodie, non-wired bra and leggings. It’s perfectly comfortable attire, took 2 mins to put on and the guy who just delivered a parcel didn’t have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing me in my nightwear.

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:25

@Muddyfeetgood Ok, not necessarily pjs, but messy clothes-joggers, t-shirt, hair not brushed, no make up etc

OP posts:
MadamWhiteleigh · 30/08/2023 12:27

Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:25

@Muddyfeetgood Ok, not necessarily pjs, but messy clothes-joggers, t-shirt, hair not brushed, no make up etc

But if she’s your mate, what does it matter? If you’re afraid she will judge you, then she’s not your friend is she.

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:30

@MadamWhiteleigh Its nothing personal, but sometimes not in the mood to chat/entertain-probably is a bit weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Wannabegreenfingers · 30/08/2023 12:31

Another one that finds it weird. I know no one in real life that doesn't open the door if they are home.

Tally00 · 30/08/2023 12:37

I’d just politely say I don’t like unexpected visitors so let me know before you come.
I don’t beat things round the bush.
If that’s how you are and she doesn’t get you she isn’t the right friend for you.
I’d totally respect a friends wishes if they said they didn’t like unexpected visitors I wouldn’t show up unannounced.

ZiriForEver · 30/08/2023 12:37

PJs and makeup are red herrings here.

I totally understand not wanting to spend the whole time "people ready", whatever it means for you.

Would it be more acceptable for you if it was during the holiday week, but at a pre-agreed time?

AuntieMarys · 30/08/2023 12:37

Muddyfeetgood · 30/08/2023 12:24

I don’t get the PJs thing. Cant people find normal clothes to buy that they find comfortable to wear? I’m sat in a T-shirt, hoodie, non-wired bra and leggings. It’s perfectly comfortable attire, took 2 mins to put on and the guy who just delivered a parcel didn’t have to suffer the embarrassment of seeing me in my nightwear.

I'm the same. Would never sit in pjs and dressing gown, or not shower.

TheBarbieEffect · 30/08/2023 12:38

YANBU. It’s so rude and inconsiderate.

BeachHutCornwall · 30/08/2023 12:39

I hate it when people come round unannounced. I am not just sitting there awaiting guests
Generally I ignore it - but i do have cctv so i can see if it is a delivery etc

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 30/08/2023 12:41

I absolutely get this, but the older I get the more I'm pretty sure I have some kind of social awkwardness that may well be pathological.

Cowlover89 · 30/08/2023 12:44

I sit in my jarmies all day. Nothing wrong with it. But yanbu x

EhrlicheFrau · 30/08/2023 12:46

Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:13

On holidays this week as a family and just want to chill in pjs, go out for the odd walk etc.
Friend has some books for Dd, says she will nip by at some point or leave them on the doorstop.
Tried to arrange a time for next week, but she wants to drop them
Aibu to hate this?
Am I weird?

Some people WILL see this as weird, and have no issue with people popping by 'unplanned' or with a 'vague time' arrangement, however I am with you on this one and also hate this sort of thing. I'd be inclined to push the 'can we arrange a more specific time', so you know 'when to expect her'/'not be out' etc. Keep making clear that's how you'd prefer to do things, and she should get the idea!

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:48

I wouldn’t mind if it was a pre arranged time, this friend is very last minute, wish I could be more like that

OP posts:
TheRasmusRutilans · 30/08/2023 12:52

I am the same.
i don’t like unexpected visitors, if there is a knock at the door and I know there is no deliveries due then the door will remain closed.

I much prefer to arrange a specific time and day for someone to pop over

Moonshine5 · 30/08/2023 12:53

Pix56 · 30/08/2023 12:18

On MN, totally normal. In real life, weird.

100% this @Pix56 👏

Tessisme · 30/08/2023 12:54

I always like to know a time as I have this thing where I can't relax until something I know is going to happen, has actually happened. I know I'm weird, but if there's a parcel due to be delivered or someone is dropping something off, I get totally obsessed and preoccupied. This includes when I'm fully dressed with a full face of slap! It's why I do Click and Collect rather than delivery for groceries because even with a specific slot I'm up and down like a yo-yo watching for the bloody van. Nobody here seems to get it. They all think I'm a bit ridiculous. I suppose I probably am.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 30/08/2023 12:54

I don't get dressed at all if I'm at home . I spend ALLLLLL day in my nightwear . I hate clothes
If she says she's dropping them on the doorstep than she must do that .
Your child can talk to them on the doorstep or go out for a walk?.
I don't get the angst and I don't know anyone who doesnt answer the door if there at home

EhrlicheFrau · 30/08/2023 12:57

Tessisme · 30/08/2023 12:54

I always like to know a time as I have this thing where I can't relax until something I know is going to happen, has actually happened. I know I'm weird, but if there's a parcel due to be delivered or someone is dropping something off, I get totally obsessed and preoccupied. This includes when I'm fully dressed with a full face of slap! It's why I do Click and Collect rather than delivery for groceries because even with a specific slot I'm up and down like a yo-yo watching for the bloody van. Nobody here seems to get it. They all think I'm a bit ridiculous. I suppose I probably am.

You are not 'weird', you just feel a certain way about this particular thing, and that is ok. One person's weird is another's normal - just be you and do what works for you.