Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t like not knowing when someone is coming round

130 replies

Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:13

On holidays this week as a family and just want to chill in pjs, go out for the odd walk etc.
Friend has some books for Dd, says she will nip by at some point or leave them on the doorstop.
Tried to arrange a time for next week, but she wants to drop them
Aibu to hate this?
Am I weird?

OP posts:
Niftyswiftie · 30/08/2023 12:59

I hate people turning up unannounced. What if you've just got in the bath, are having sex or just started a meal?

WandaWonder · 30/08/2023 12:59

So people see me in casual clothes if they drop round unexpectedly? And? The sky won't fall in

EhrlicheFrau · 30/08/2023 13:01

Niftyswiftie · 30/08/2023 12:59

I hate people turning up unannounced. What if you've just got in the bath, are having sex or just started a meal?

.....or are just chilling in your own space and don't want to be disturbed!

Niftyswiftie · 30/08/2023 13:01

EhrlicheFrau · 30/08/2023 13:01

.....or are just chilling in your own space and don't want to be disturbed!

Show quote history

Yes that too!

WinterFireJanuaryEmbers · 30/08/2023 13:03

I'd always answer the door to the friend - but I'd feel a hell of a lot happier about doing so if I were properly dressed and the house was clean and tidy.

You must take me as you find me - but if I have any say in the matter you will find me clean and tidy Smile

BeggyMitchell · 30/08/2023 13:03

Your might be an introvert OP and need a little warning to prepare, nothing wrong with that.

BeggyMitchell · 30/08/2023 13:04

r

RabbitsRock · 30/08/2023 13:06

Absolutely get this OP - it really throws me if people come round unexpectedly, even very close friends or family. You could be doing anything when they come & it could be embarrassing! I try to encourage everyone I know to tell me first but there are still a few people who insist on just dropping by.

Tessisme · 30/08/2023 13:06

I appreciate you saying that @EhrlicheFrau😊

JudgeRudy · 30/08/2023 13:06

wtawtaw · 30/08/2023 12:15

I'm exactly the same, if people come around unexpectedly they can expect to be ignored, I will not answer 😊

Ha ha. A fella comrade. I often do this if l dont want unexpected company. It's nothing to do with the state of my house or what l'm wearing though, it's just I've been disturbed (often from doing nothing) and don't want it. I don't even pretend not to be in, I just ignore. I've even had people call me after knocking on the door and getting no reply. I say 'Oh yeah l heard it, was that you? What do you want?'
I do still have friends!

Pista41 · 30/08/2023 13:13

It’s not weird, I don’t either. This is often an introvert/extrovert thing (extrovert posters please stop judging others by the way you do things! To me, expecting to drop by any time seems strange, we’re all different and neither is “right”).

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 13:13

@Tessisme Yes, I’m exactly the same, now I can’t relax as it could really be at any point or she might not even bother, so all that not being able to relax will be for nothing

OP posts:
Broodywuz · 30/08/2023 13:15

I'm with you op, I HATE people popping in or not knowing when they'll come. Honestly, i know this sounds dramatic but it would ruin my weeks holiday waiting for them to turn up

SamW98 · 30/08/2023 13:17

TheRasmusRutilans · 30/08/2023 12:52

I am the same.
i don’t like unexpected visitors, if there is a knock at the door and I know there is no deliveries due then the door will remain closed.

I much prefer to arrange a specific time and day for someone to pop over

Ditto. I know people on here think ignoring knocks on the door means they’re diagnosing you with MH issues or asking if you are ND but in my real life experience most of my friends are the same.
Maybe it’s a London thing but no one turns up without calling first or making plans in advance.

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 13:19

@Broodywuz Yes, I feel a bit like this!

OP posts:
tooanxious · 30/08/2023 13:21

Pix56 · 30/08/2023 12:18

On MN, totally normal. In real life, weird.

Really??

OP I'm the same, hate people turning up unannounced or no firm plans

user1497207191 · 30/08/2023 13:27

YANBU. I hate "drops in". I need to know who's coming and when. I don't have the headspace to cope with unexpected people (well, can't cope with unexpected anything really). Luckily, the back of our house is private and so we can ignore people who come around without prior agreement.

I'm the same with my business. I used to have a "shop front" office and hated it when clients would just "pop in" often when I was on the phone to another client, or in a meeting with a client, or just trying to concentrate on something difficult. I moved to an upstairs office with a locked ground floor door (with camera and intercom). If I am busy with someone or something, I won't answer it. Funny how clients soon got into the habit of calling to make an appointment!

Laiste · 30/08/2023 13:28

Oh the dreading ''popping in''.

PIL used to like to do cheery 'we might pop in over the weekend ...'s

God - are you or aren't you!? And if you are then what day!?

The thing is, they live 2 hours away so if and when they turn up it's for the rest of the day, not just a quick cupper and bugger off. I've taught DH (and it took ages) to not accept these vague announcements and to ask them to be specific!

IseeNarcPeople · 30/08/2023 13:32

I don't like it either, it stresses me out no end, I don't mind at all someone turning up in an emergency but I seem to attract men especially who think it's perfectly fine to turn up at my place in the middle of nowhere with a "I thought I'd pop round see how you were" just because I spoke to them on the bus once. I would never do that to another woman.
I also don't like the "I'll pop up and see you sometime" types.
I haven't invited you bugger off
You could be caring for sick chicken, animals, elderly relatives etc.
It makes me anxious regardless, I need my head space.
Although, in my younger years before mobile phones, turning up unannounced was very common.

smilesup · 30/08/2023 13:33

TheBarbieEffect · 30/08/2023 12:38

YANBU. It’s so rude and inconsiderate.

No it's not. It's more weird to sit around in your PJs all day or to worry what people think about your house.

RabbitsRock · 30/08/2023 13:33

Sorry if someone has already said this OP but could you contact your friend & get her to commit to a specific day & time? Then you can relax

Original poster
Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 13:35

@RabbitsRock Ive tried that, but she’s very last minute and a bit scatty/disorganised, she’ll just do it if she happens to be nearby etc

OP posts:
marblesthecat · 30/08/2023 13:36

Broodywuz · 30/08/2023 13:15

I'm with you op, I HATE people popping in or not knowing when they'll come. Honestly, i know this sounds dramatic but it would ruin my weeks holiday waiting for them to turn up

Same. It makes me anxious waiting for it and I absolutely hate it. Our current property has a huge fence and a locked gate (it was like that when we moved in) and the gate only gets opened when I have a parcel delivery coming, it's amazing.

BaaCode · 30/08/2023 13:37

I don't mind anyone dropping in, they're always welcome. You have to take me as you find me though.
I love a visitor to share a cuppa and a natter with, expected or not.

Totallyterrific · 30/08/2023 13:37

If you are in the back garden why would it be an issue if she puts somebooks on your front doorstep? I dont get it!
But other than that......... Im with you op, I prefer to know if and when visitors are expected.