Don’t like not knowing when someone is coming round

[Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea]

On holidays this week as a family and just want to chill in pjs, go out for the odd walk etc.
Friend has some books for Dd, says she will nip by at some point or leave them on the doorstop.
Tried to arrange a time for next week, but she wants to drop them
Aibu to hate this?
Am I weird?

You don't have to invite her in at all. Just say thanks and a quick chat if you feel like it. You're not obligated and it sounds like she's absolutely fine dropping at the door. I would be. I'm fairly sure most people don't drop by unannounced expecting an invite in at the person's inconvenience.

I really hate it. The worst person for it that I know is my exh. There’s just no telling him. Well, I can happily tell him to piss off, and even our children will tell him it’s rude and not to do it. The problem is he brings his toddler who then wants to see his siblings - it’s hard to say no to an innocent toddler!

I understand this to a certain extent. I am house proud and also am often very busy, so don’t have much time for drop-ins, BUT, don’t forget that one day you might need these people. You might have your own emergency or need help and how would you feel if you knocked on a door and they ignored you? I know that isn’t the current situation, but I feel we’re losing a sense of community and friendship with these attitudes. I say that as an introvert myself!

This X 1000

I always prefer to know. Its just wierd to think someone should drop everything because you want to see them, surely its a mutual thing ?

@Totallyterrific We might not necessarily be in the back garden though 🤷🏻‍♀️

But isn't she doing you a favour ? Surely if she is a friend then saying Hi and thank you for the books is just normal adult behaviour.

Then again it might be a rural/urban thing perhaps. I'm I the country and a neighbour has just knocked and offered excess apples tomatoes and courgettes... instead of hiding in the airing cupboard until she's gone I gratefully accepted and asked her in for a cup of tea despite not wearing anything more than a pair of joggers, t shirt no bra and the kitchen covered in plates as haven't unpacked the dishwasher yet..... I doubt she will report me to the parish council for slovenliness...

People that visit with out prior arrangement are so arrogant they think you are bound to be overcome with gratitude of their company.
They’re usually the very ones that you can barely stand the sight of.

Not at all. My circle of friends/family would never dream of turning up at each others houses uninvited and we are very sociable outgoing people.

Its rude to not even text to ask if it’s ok imo

People don't drop by here either. Surely your friend could do a quick text giving a little notice!

Is it not weird to just tell someone you might call in at an unspecified time in a whole week? Just pick a bloody time and stick to it, or use the miracle that is 21st century technology and at least text ten minutes beforehand? Why would you NOT do that?

It's so bizarrely arrogant to just assume you'll be in and not busy at any time they choose to call in!

As someone else said, on MN it’s not something people like, I personally wouldn’t sweat it

but obviously will have to invite her in and the kids will want to play etc That’s not obvious at all.

It's so bizarrely arrogant to just assume you'll be in and not busy at any time they choose to call in! People who drop in without prior arrangement recognise that you may be out or busy.

I think it's worse now that so many people are WFH. Friends/neighbours etc just "assume" you can drop everything on their whim just because they know you're likely to be in. They don't understand that you have work to do, perhaps are being monitored as to keyboard/phone activity by your employer, etc.

No you're not weird.

Many MNetters appear to lack empathy or just basic understanding that the way they do things or view the world is not what is the definition of 'normal' and people doing things differently is not 'abnormal' or 'weird'. But just different.

I don't think they do. Accept you can either not answer the door or say “I,m sorry, I can’t invite you in” and you may less stressed about someone calling in on the off chance.

This.

Yanbu, I hate that too!

Brilliant, I'm stealing this one! 🤣

I get this totally!

Yeah it's slightly annoying. I love having visitors but they never appear when the house is clean and I'm dressed...I feel like I can never have a lazy day because that's always the day every member of the family (DH side) will land at the door

So if you arent in the garden what is the problem? Shes saying she'll maybe knock and then "drop" the books on your doorstep and go. So no need for you even to chat on the doorstep - you could ignore the knock and collect the books once shes gone. Or chat for 2mins on the doorstep.
You talked about having the patio doors open and that therefore being an issue when the friend brings the books round - but I dont get why. Patio doors at the back (not visible from the front), front door......... at the front. You somewhere in between in your pjs. Im struggling to see why thats a problem? We regularly ignore knocks on our door.

@Totallyterrific We have sliding patio doors to the front garden too, those are open most of the time (well one of them slid open)