Page 5 | Don’t like not knowing when someone is coming round

suckrifice · 31/08/2023 10:27

Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea · 30/08/2023 12:25

@Muddyfeetgood Ok, not necessarily pjs, but messy clothes-joggers, t-shirt, hair not brushed, no make up etc

Why not even brush your hair..? Weird.

Soakitup37 · 31/08/2023 10:30

meh. I’m a full time single mum, I don’t have time to be presentable and guest ready 24/7, so there will be toys and mess and me in cosy clothes. Even this week off work before kids go back to school I’m not raise standards- I love letting things slide and just doing a big clear up end of the day, much less stressful. come over unannounced by all accounts but I won’t be apologetic to what you might be presented with when you get here.

And that would be my assumption the other way, if I turn up unannounced (which rarely happens) I don’t expect anything from what I see.

all that said if someone said they don’t like it to the point you don’t, I’d respect that and it sounds like your friend IS respecting that.

cherrycokehater · 31/08/2023 10:36

I wonder why there's a mental health crisis?!! No one can see anyone with an appt and everyone's too busy and need to book months ahead. Get a grip

ohdamnitjanet · 31/08/2023 11:07

If she’s doing you a favour perhaps you should lighten up a little.

Cognitivedisonance · 31/08/2023 11:14

I would absolutely lose my shit if someone turned up at my house uninvited and I would hide and not answer the door even if blindingly obvious I was home. For this reason I keep my friends at arms length and don’t even tell them where I live since moving it’s great now. Meet me at the pub or not at all. I had a friend who’d ‘pop by’ with her awfully behaved kid and expect refreshments and stuff while her child made my home dirty. I had to end the friendship because she just didn’t listen when I told her not to do it over and over.

Tillow4ever · 31/08/2023 11:28

I see it’s books you are buying from her, have you considered trying any of the following:

Text and say you’re going to be in her area and can you pop round to collect them to save her bringing them over. Then you just go over if she says yes, problem solved.
if that’s not an option, ask her if she can give you at least half an hour’s notice on the day, and ideally confirm which day in advance so that you can be ready for her.
If she just turns up, and everything’s open etc, answer the door and say “good timing, we were just getting ready to go out and I was worried we’d miss you! Thanks for the books, hopefully we can catch up properly soon?”

Chances are, she’s wanting to drop and run - that’s why she doesn’t want to arrange a specific time! She doesn’t want you to invite her in any more than you want to invite her in!

JudgeJ · 31/08/2023 11:31

Wannabegreenfingers · 30/08/2023 12:31

Another one that finds it weird. I know no one in real life that doesn't open the door if they are home.

But MN isn't the real world, I have become convinced over the years that it is the antithesis of the real world!

Mememe1234 · 31/08/2023 11:46

I wouldn't like it either. It's rude to just turn up whenever you want. If it's just dropping a book off in front of the door then i wouldn't mind though. If i had to entertain then i need to know what time as i could be busy.

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 31/08/2023 11:52

This only makes sense (in my mind) if you are not comfortable, either with how you look or how your house looks. I wouldn't mind a good friend seeing me in my pyjamas or surrounded by mess so it wouldn't bother me at all.

user1497207191 · 31/08/2023 12:03

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 31/08/2023 11:52

This only makes sense (in my mind) if you are not comfortable, either with how you look or how your house looks. I wouldn't mind a good friend seeing me in my pyjamas or surrounded by mess so it wouldn't bother me at all.

Nope, I keep myself and home in good condition, so that's not the reason at all. For me, I'm a "planner" and can't cope with unexpected occurrences, especially those that involve entertaining or socialising.

Mamabear48 · 31/08/2023 12:22

If she’s your friend who cares what state the house is in or if your still in your pjs 🤷‍♀️

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 31/08/2023 13:27

user1497207191 · 31/08/2023 12:03

Nope, I keep myself and home in good condition, so that's not the reason at all. For me, I'm a "planner" and can't cope with unexpected occurrences, especially those that involve entertaining or socialising.

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Fair enough - I am not a planner 😂But then I also wouldn't consider someone dropping off some books to be either entertaining or even socialising. I wouldn't expect someone to drop round and expect a meal, however.

TheSkull · 31/08/2023 13:37

Absolutely loathe people just turning up. There’s one who tends to do it stating “I thought I’d just come have a cup of tea with you”. She’s been aware for over 30 years that I don’t like this yet still pushes and pushes my boundaries. Hasn’t done it for a while so I must be due a knock. I’d happily ignore. It’s about respecting other people and their likes and dislikes

user1497207191 · 31/08/2023 13:39

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 31/08/2023 13:27

Fair enough - I am not a planner 😂But then I also wouldn't consider someone dropping off some books to be either entertaining or even socialising. I wouldn't expect someone to drop round and expect a meal, however.

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Trouble is that friends etc don't want to be fobbed off on the doorstep and will call you rude if you don't ask them in (as has been seen in other MN posts over the years!). So you virtually have to offer them a brew just to avoid being rude, and that means you lose an hour and probably can't finish what you wanted to do that morning/afternoon.

I'd have no problems at all if people just came to the door, handed something over, and went away again. I don't have problems with the postmen or delivery drivers at all. They don't expect to come in for tea and biscuits!

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 31/08/2023 13:47

user1497207191 · 31/08/2023 13:39

Trouble is that friends etc don't want to be fobbed off on the doorstep and will call you rude if you don't ask them in (as has been seen in other MN posts over the years!). So you virtually have to offer them a brew just to avoid being rude, and that means you lose an hour and probably can't finish what you wanted to do that morning/afternoon.

I'd have no problems at all if people just came to the door, handed something over, and went away again. I don't have problems with the postmen or delivery drivers at all. They don't expect to come in for tea and biscuits!

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I am not sure any of my friends would be offended if they dropped round and I was busy, so didn't invite them in, but obviously I appreciate they might not be a representative group. Having said that, I probably would invite them in because I would be pleased to see them. The benefit of not being a planner is that even if I was busy, having had no plan, it probably wouldn't make a difference if was delayed by an hour in my non-plan!

ManchesterLu · 31/08/2023 13:56

I hate unexpected visitors, but the ones who say they'll come by 'at some point' are even worse, because then you're worried about when they'll turn up! I'm with you all the way.

CassiniG · 31/08/2023 13:57

What's wrong with saying, 'Please don't just call round. Let me know in advance so we can arrange a convenient time.'

Grapewrath · 31/08/2023 13:59

This is so weird
Totally get no wanting people to drop in although I personally wouldn’t care but she has literally said she’ll drop it off. There is absolutely no obligation to invite her in and by the sound of it this wouldn’t be her expectation

HeatherMoores · 31/08/2023 14:04

It is very odd.

I’m exactly the same. I know someone else irl who is exactly like this.
We both recognise we have some mental health issues and are unusual.

Most people do not dread this happening. I can’t relax if I know someone is going to do this, I’m constantly on edge. It would blight my holiday. I’m also dealing with past trauma and am hyper vigilant.

Overthegardenfence · 31/08/2023 15:01

Can you ask your DH to answer the door he can say your out/ in the bath on the phone or something I can totally understand how you feel.

lollipoprainbow · 31/08/2023 15:22

My oldest friend emigrated to Australia a few years ago and sometimes comes back to Uk. She loves to turn up and surprise me rather than letting me know she is back ! She then turns up unannounced looking stunning while I look terrible and the house a tip!!

IncompleteSenten · 31/08/2023 16:59

This whole 'on Mumsnet, not in RL' thing baffles me.

People on mn are also people in RL.

Which means it absolutely is a 'thing' in RL. Different people like things different ways. 🤷

SamW98 · 31/08/2023 17:08

IncompleteSenten · 31/08/2023 16:59

This whole 'on Mumsnet, not in RL' thing baffles me.

People on mn are also people in RL.

Which means it absolutely is a 'thing' in RL. Different people like things different ways. 🤷

Absolutely. It seems to mean ‘that’s not what we do so no one else can possibly behave like this’ with little digs about MD or ND as the explanation for anything that others do differently.

stichguru · 31/08/2023 17:32

Weird if she's literally dropping them in. Not weird if she's one whose "nip by" means turning up unexpectedly, expecting to chat with you for an hour while you give her a drink and cake. However I suspect that not arranging a time because she will "nip by at some point, or leave them on the doorstep" actually her "nip by" will be seeing you for long enough to hand them over. Which means provided you are awake and not naked is really no bother, and it doesn't matter what you are doing and wearing.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 31/08/2023 17:40

My friend turns up unannounced and it drives me mad.

She turned up two days after I'd had a caesarean so I had to hobble to the door to answer it.

Her, her partner and their son came over uninvited a few weekends ago. I was home alone (a rarity!) so I wanted to relax, watch a film and play The Sims.

They came in, their son got out a load of my son's toys, they stayed for almost two hours, then left a mess for me to tidy.

I'm getting sick of it.