Don’t like not knowing when someone is coming round

[Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea]

On holidays this week as a family and just want to chill in pjs, go out for the odd walk etc.
Friend has some books for Dd, says she will nip by at some point or leave them on the doorstop.
Tried to arrange a time for next week, but she wants to drop them
Aibu to hate this?
Am I weird?

Doesn’t bother me, I like visitors popping in regardless of what I’m wearing or if the house is tidy.

Visitors who just drop by, will without fail, always call at the WORST possible time!

I think a message asking if you are free or could I pop by and give some notice is courteous.

I feel like this, even my DC text to ask if they can pop in( of course, I always say yes to them)
As they've said they'd leave books on the doorstep though, I wouldn't feel obliged to open the door anyway

I totally understand you being anxious at having someone popping in without a set time. I have ADHD and ASD and I'm always on edge when I know someone is coming round but don't know when. I can't explain it, it raises my anxiety no end. I'd love to be one of those people who constantly has the kettle on and guests in and out the house.

I do think the 'family time' excuse is a bit wet though. It sounds like you've got the whole week off together for family time, and without knowing the background, I'd be a bit miffed if I'd dropped some books off your DD and you couldn't grace me with your presence or a cuppa for 10 minutes because 'family time'.

I'd either offer to collect myself or offer a time 'Brilliant Sarah, if you come over for about 4, we can have a quick brew before I get on with the kids tea'

@LittleMissUnreasonable Its books i’m
buying, I’ve said two other occasions before to meet and get them and also said I can do next week

@Lasagnaandpotatoesfortea okay then you aren't being unreasonable as you've offered alternatives. It would probably be best to just be honest and say something like "we'll probably be in the garden all day so won't hear the bell, but if you give me a rough time I'll listen out for you"

Drop her a message saying "could you let me know when you're on your way as I might have popped out to do errands", job done.

I spend almost all of my time at home in my PJs whether we have visitors or not. If anyone wants to drop by, they can buy have to take me, and my house, as they find it. No-one who matters has ever said they felt uncomfortable and unwelcome. They can just walk in whenever they feel, if we're in. There's only one person who I don't like visiting, and actively hide when she comes, but it's been a while and I'm hoping she's got the hint by now.

I don’t care if people want to drop things round and leave them at the door, but if they want to come in, then they should tell me when they are coming.

I’d just politely say I don’t like unexpected visitors so let me know before you come.

This!

I like to know when people are coming- I could be up to my eyes otherwise. If I’m
outside gardening, I’m not coming inside to sit for a cuppa (sorry). I make it clear though- we used to have people dropping by all the time- food and drink, staying for hours. We could be getting ready to go out and they’d bloody join us. It had to stop!

I don’t mind people dropping by, but her casually letting you know that it could be any time that week, on her terms, when you want a mindless chilling week would massively piss me off. It would be hanging over my head so much I’d actually arrange to collect the books from her to get it out of the way.

Omg this

Patio doors at the front........ very uncommon to have those hence my confusion. Simple answer - only have them open if you are ok about visitors otherwise of course they will know you are in etc. Anyone coming to your house will see them open and will assume you are decent.

100% this.

It doesn’t matter if you’re dressed casually or if the house isn’t pristine. She doesn’t expect to be invited in, she’s happy to leave them on the doorstep.

If you are in, you can just have a friendly chat on the doorstep - you don’t have to invite her in. She’s not expecting to be invited in, she’s said she’s just dropping the books over.

So much drama over a non-event.

I don't think they do. Accept you can either not answer the door or say “I,m sorry, I can’t invite you in” and you may less stressed about someone calling in on the off chance

Luckily i dont get stressed about it as the friends i have wouldn't do it.
I cant understanding why you would want to potentially interupt someones day rather than a quick call first to say im popping around. Its just common decency in our world.
But i do appreciate everyone is different and some people don't mind, everyone i know would find it really rude.

I LOVE my friends and family popping by for a quick cuppa. They don't care if I'm dressed or if the house looks like a bomb has gone off. We have an open door policy and my friends/family know to just open and walk in. If we can't entertain guests, for example when I'm WFH, the door is locked and if the door is locked they just leave.

Nothing better than an impromptu cuppa and a chat, putting the world to rights.

My caveat here though is, don't turn up and expect to spend 8 hours here. 2 cups of tea maximum.

I just know I would want to feel welcome at their homes and they feel welcome at mine. Once, my neighbour walked in and found me passed out on the stairs and got me to A&E, was grateful for my open door policy then as DH was at work and kids all at school!

MIL classic: will be over at some point in the afternoon.

Tells me nothing! What effing time in the afternoon??!

Not where I am, everyone seems to have them 🤷🏻 I personally don't, but it seems very common around my area. Each to their own.

As she's only dropping something off, not suggesting an actual visit, I think you may be overthinking. She might not want to stay anyway. Let her leave the books on the step.

You don’t even have to say, ‘sorry, I can’t invite you in’.

People are making this into a bigger deal than it is.

Just have a friendly chat at the door - the person on the other side will chat back, hand over whatever they’ve come to drop off and leave.

If they don’t (99% they will), you just say, ‘right, I have to get back to X / get on with Y, lovely seeing you, let’s catch up soon, bye!’

They’re not going to force their way in, frog-march you to the kettle and settle in for the day. Especially someone who’s literally said they’re just dropping something off / will leave it in the mailbox.

It really is a low-drama scenario.

YANBU - I hate unannounced visits and when we are home and friends are passing by or even simply leaving something at the door, it feels very rude not to invite them in as kids want to chat and play.
It's natural to want time relaxing as a family. It's very rare, especially in the current cost of living crisis where a lot of parents are taking time off separately to cover as much of the school holidays as possible.

I couldn’t sit around all day in PJ’s, would make me feel gross.

Have you considered if your friend is very last minute she doesn’t want to arrange a time, she just wants to drop off when she’s passing and not have the pressure of being there at a particular time ?

I'm not madly keen on this either OP. Some people find it ok, others don't. I don't think it makes you weird though.

I don't like to have visitors (relatives, friends, colleagues) come round unannounced as generally they ALWAYS end up coming in and whatever we were already doing, for example - watching a film, showering, having dinner, lunch ends up getting interrupted! If i knew they were coming round then i wouldn't have started a particular activity.

I personally don't wear my night clothes that i have slept in the previous night the following day but, i do quite often wear 'comfy clothes etc' after my morning shower.

I also have TERRIBLE skin and i am so embarrassed about it and i wouldn't ever want someone to see me without it covered up properly. I'm sure no-one would care but, i do. Saying that, I always seem to have people coming round unannounced and i just hot foot it upstairs to make myself feel happy about it.

I wouldn't care how a delivery driver/postman saw me though. But, they never expect to come in and chat to me for hours.

I get you OP, I'm the same.
Know I worry way too much about what people think though, including family & friends. I wouldn't want then to see me with no make up etc.